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Is it my responsibility?
Catholic Weddings
Is it my responsibility?
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So a friend is pregnant and says thats she will have an abortion. This will make it her 3rd one. She already has a baby that is 3 months old and is pregnant again. She makes very poor life choices bas
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Is it my responsibility?
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So a friend is pregnant and says thats she will have an abortion. This will make it her 3rd one. She already has a baby that is 3 months old and is pregnant again. She makes very poor life choices bas
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Forums  >  Cultural Wedding Boards  >  Catholic Weddings  >  Is it my responsibility?
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Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/1/2012 3:14 PM EST on theknot.com
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 So a friend is pregnant and says thats she will have an abortion. This will make it her 3rd one. She already has a baby that is 3 months old and is pregnant again. She makes very poor life choices based a lot on her childhood. Anyway she is on the rocks with the child's father and they will most likely be breaking up and she says that with all the stress she will have an abortion. No abortion date has been set yet. So a friend from church tells me that it is my responsibility to encourage her not to get an abortion.
While I disagree with her having an abortion I don't know if it is my responsibility to tell her what to do with her life or is it?  I know that my doing so may jeopardize the friendship. And I don't know if it is my place to do so. I mean I feel bad that she will have to go through another abortion but I do understand her reasonings. I am so confused. What would do? And is a responsibility to encourage her not too even though it may make our relationship bad? And adoption is not an option for her either.
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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/1/2012 3:33 PM EST on theknot.com
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 At the very least you could suggest Project Gabriel to her.  Why is adoption not an option?

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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/1/2012 3:35 PM EST on theknot.com
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 I don't know what Project Gabriel is I will google it. She is not open to having a child giving her child to somebody else to raise. So that's not going to happen.
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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/1/2012 3:39 PM EST on theknot.com
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 In Response to Re: Is it my responsibility?:
I don't know what Project Gabriel is I will google it. She is not open to having a child giving her child to somebody else to raise. So that's not going to happen.
Posted by afrenchprincess


See, I think if I had a friend say this, my immediate response would be, "So you'd rather kill it than give it a chance?"

Project Gabriel is a Catholic organization that helps women with unplanned pregnancies.  You might see the "Pregnant?  Need help?" ads outside some churches (at least, they are outside every church I see in Dallas).

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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/1/2012 3:40 PM EST on theknot.com
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 I don't think it's your responsibility "to tell her what to do with her life" as no one can really do that.  But I do think you should, as a friend and a Catholic, try to guide her against abortion as much as she is willing to listen.  Doing so is an act of love toward your friend, even if it causes her to reject your friendship.  There is *never* a reason to kill an innocent human, regardless of life circumstances.  I'll keep both of you in my thoughts and prayers!    
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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/1/2012 3:45 PM EST on theknot.com
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This is what I found on google about Project Gabriel
http://www.gabrielproject.com/help.htm
And I know some people would say that but I know that would start a big argument and stuff so I said I would support her :-/

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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/1/2012 3:48 PM EST on theknot.com
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 Thanks jfellows How would you suggest going about bringing up the abortion again? Because she hasn't spoken to me about it again because she said it's makes her too emotional to think about it she has a lot of emotional issues. Anyway I feel weird bringing it up out the blue and I feel nervous about the conflict that I know will go down when I do!
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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/1/2012 3:51 PM EST on theknot.com
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 I can't pretend to know how she feels right now.  I agree with everything jfellows said.  You can (gently) encourage her not to make this choice.

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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/1/2012 3:59 PM EST on theknot.com
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 I would start with something along the lines of "I know you don't want to talk about it, but as your friend I think you should think about x, y, and z reasons why having an abortion is bad for you and your baby."  It probably will be awkward, and I would probably only do it once unsolicited, but hopefully something you say will open her up to saving her child.  That's really all you can do.
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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/1/2012 4:13 PM EST on theknot.com
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 Thanks you all I will try and do it. I feel so nervous but at the same time I have never been a big Pro Life defender I really believed it was a woman's choice. But it just seems like I need to say something to her! It just doesn't sit right in my heart.It's a weird feeling. I'm nervous but I just feel like I will regret it if I don't Thanks!
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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/1/2012 4:18 PM EST on theknot.com
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 I think I would bring the up the subject when she's with her 3 month old.  Rocking, nursing, even just playing a bit, she's establishing a bond with that child.  How would she feel to not even give her next child a chance at that love?

I've found that women who already have a child have a stronger opposition to abortion (totally apart from religious reasons)

I used to have balls. Blue balls, that is.
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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/1/2012 9:51 PM EST on theknot.com
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I wonder what state your in? maybe you can find a pregnancy center near by that can help her  know all her options. Women who have abortions sometimes don't even know what it does to the baby. That at just 6 weeks the baby's internal organs  are present. That the heartbeat can be seen and heard beating on ultrasound. 

The center will also help her understand that adoption is the most selfless gift she can give her baby. Right now she might be feeling that abortion is her only option, she may feel that "giving her baby up" makes her a bad mother. You as a friend can help her by showing her where to get help, she's not alone. 

I have just started helping out in one of these centers in NC, so im still learning. I would ask you to please give her this # or you can call to be better infor on how to help her. 

1-800-359-HELP  or OptionLine.org you can find the nearest pregnancy center there.

I will keep you both and the baby in my prayers. May God Bless you, I believe that feeling you are getting is the Holy Spirit working through you to save this baby. 
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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/2/2012 1:02 AM EST on theknot.com
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 I really don't think it's any of your business what your friend does. Not everyone prescribes to your personal beliefs and you have no right to push them on anyone else. She has abortions for a reason - because she doesn't want the children.  Yes, she is irresponsible for putting herself in this position but if she's not open to adoption,  would you rather she raise a child she did not want? I was raised by someone who did not want kids and used them as pawns, it was not fun and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/2/2012 1:10 AM EST on theknot.com
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 In Response to Re: Is it my responsibility?:
I really don't think it's any of your business what your friend does. Not everyone prescribes to your personal beliefs and you have no right to push them on anyone else. She has abortions for a reason - because she doesn't want the children.  Yes, she is irresponsible for putting herself in this position but if she's not open to adoption,  would you rather she raise a child she did not want? I was raised by someone who did not want kids and used them as pawns, it was not fun and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Posted by ElleB87


I'm sorry, but do you realize you are saying that it would've been better if you'd been aborted?  Being raised by a bad parent is terrible, but it's not worse than being killed as an unborn baby and never being given a chance at life.

It is not our responsibility to pressure people to make certain decisions or make them feel guilty for their choices.  As this woman's friend, OP should be loving and supportive.  But loving does not mean that you never say anything to anyone about their choices.  If your friend is abusing drugs, do you just not say anything?  Would that be the loving option?  Of course not.  Women deserve better than abortion.  Abortion not only kills children but hurts the woman having it.  What OP's friend needs right now is love and support, not to have a child ripped from her womb.
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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/2/2012 10:06 AM EST on theknot.com
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 In Response to Re: Is it my responsibility?:
It is not our responsibility to pressure people to make certain decisions or make them feel guilty for their choices.  As this woman's friend, OP should be loving and supportive.  But loving does not mean that you never say anything to anyone about their choices.  If your friend is abusing drugs, do you just not say anything?  Would that be the loving option?  Of course not.  Posted by monkeysip


Amen, monkey.  :-)

ElleB87, as this is a Christian Catholic board, afrenchprincess knows that she will hear responses rooted in Scripture and in our Catholic beliefs.  No one is telling her to push her friend to do anything. 

afrenchprincess, the other ladies have given you great advice, but I also want to point out that you are blessed to have a friend from your parish who spoke words of love and Truth to you.  Not saying anything would be a sin of omission, and a refusal to stand up for Christ.  Don't be ashamed of Him.  Ultimately, this decision is not yours to make, but fear of your friend's anger shouldn't prevent you from speaking up.  You may be the only person she knows who will do so.

You'll have to stand before God for your own actions in this life.  Your friend will have to stand before God for hers.  God bless you and your friend, and her babies.
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." ~ Psalms 37:4

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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/2/2012 10:08 AM EST on theknot.com
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 In Response to Re: Is it my responsibility?:
I really don't think it's any of your business what your friend does. Not everyone prescribes to your personal beliefs and you have no right to push them on anyone else. She has abortions for a reason - because she doesn't want the children.  Yes, she is irresponsible for putting herself in this position but if she's not open to adoption,  would you rather she raise a child she did not want? I was raised by someone who did not want kids and used them as pawns, it was not fun and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Posted by ElleB87


So if you saw someone raping a woman in a parkinglot, you have NO right to push your belief that rape is wrong onto the rapist?  He probably thinks rape is fine.  I mean, I see what you're saying, and my statement is obviously hyperbolic, but the point is, AFP isn't trying to force her beliefs on someone; she's trying to save someone's life.  There's a difference between advising someone not to kill an innocent baby, vs trying to force someone to only eat organic produce.  Pro-life isn't just a personal belief; it is a battle to save innocent human individuals. 
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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/2/2012 2:46 PM EST on theknot.com
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 I have plans to meet with her this weekend. No @ElleB87 I don't want her to subscribe to my beliefs I just want her to take a look at what she is doing and how it will and has affected her. She is still deeply emotionally scarred by the last 2 abortions. Like I said I never have been a defender of Pro-Life but there are just some things that you need to express your feelings on or I would feel like a really bad friend if I didn't and I feel like I am harming her if I don't say anything if you get where I am coming from. And truthfully, in the end she will have to answer for all these abortions. I can not make those choices for her she is a Christian so she knows that this is wrong. I just felt nervous about how to approach her on the topic but I will!
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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/2/2012 3:35 PM EST on theknot.com
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 AFP, I just want to let you know that I respect your desire to talk to your friend about the touchy and uncomfortable situation.  Sometimes, as a friend, you have to say things that might hurt or offend someone you love.  And sometimes that can even cause a rift in the friendship.  But at some point, whether immediately or years from now, your friend will likely realize that you are coming from a place of love and concern. I commend you for being a good friend!

I wish you luck!!  Whatever your friend does with your words of advice is her choice, but at least you can know that you said what you needed to say, and that's all you can do. 
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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/2/2012 5:29 PM EST on theknot.com
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 Thanks @Resa77
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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/2/2012 8:03 PM EST on theknot.com
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 AFP, you and your friend will be in my prayers.
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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/6/2012 6:24 PM EST on theknot.com
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 UPDATE: So I tried calling my friend ALL this weekend and got no response. So on Saturday night a couple of minutes after I called her boyfriend called me back from her phone and said that he had her phone. I told him I was trying to get in touch with her and her and he said "Oh, she's at home she had her doctor's appointment today" At first I was like oh ok a weekend appointmet for her or the baby but then he was just quiet so I am assuming he meant a doctor's appointment for an abortion. Then I told him to have  her call me. Still didn't hear anything Sunday. I called again no answer. I know my friend she is a mess right now! I haven't heard from her all weekend or even today. I know she's had the abortion and going through her emotional things and will be calling me eventually all down and out! Sigh! I was so upset at her for putting this emotional toll on her and me again because I have to pick up the pieces with her and deal with her depression about it! But now I feel sad and mad!
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Re: Is it my responsibility?

posted at 2/6/2012 6:27 PM EST on theknot.com
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  I forgot to say thanks to everybody for the encouraging words and resources even though I didn't get to use them. Thanks again.
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