Ok
So I was raised Modern Orthedox and grewinto myself after i turned 17. I relaxed and at one point I strayed but I came back to a level of observance I was comfortable with which relaxes on the koshrut and gives me flexability for what I do in the afternoons on Saturday. My BF/F was raised conservative and a little reform. This parents were not as pushy as mine about thier kids haveing jewish idenity and marrying Jewsih. His older brother is married to a guadimalian girl.
So here my thing
I had a vision for what I wanted my wedding to be like and I wasnt planning on having achochal or dancing. My family are not big dancers nor do we drink.
J ( the BF) only had 3 demands achohal, music, he gets to choose the food ( he an executive chef so that is a no brainer)
My dad wants a tradional orthedox wedding ( whole 9 yards)
My mom who leans more conservative trusts my taste and styles
I told my dad that it is not his wedding not is it just mine
J parents have not been to shul since thier youngest son got Bar Mitvah , they are to busy running marathons and his mom is a nurse just as mine is ( she works ER, my mom works mother infant)
J comment to me is his dad would prefer it as short as possible and his family like to drink at specail occasions
So while talking with my dad i told him about venue ideas becouse thier a resturant where J use to work and he assumes it is as a chain or simple food resturant ( the place on regular days entree start at 25$ and go up to 40$ the place is not cheap) then he assumes its a old barn ( that part is an addition built 2007)
my dad like you could get married at shul and i can get so and so to cater and the first 20 would be free it only cost me so much. Shul food is shul food not wedding food.
of course my dad got offended by the idea of mix dancing ( my dad is the only one who is orthedox the rest of the family is conservative , even he grew up conservative)
by the end he said to me i woln't dance at your wedding but I will defintly drink
that really hurt
i was hoping for a compromise like a song and photo montoague video and i was trying to talk to him about it and he just shut me out.
I want everyone to be happy at the wedding hence i wasn't going to have achohal or dancing
what can I do?