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FMIL dilemma

Michigan-Grand Rapids

FMIL dilemma

Hey Grand Rapids brides and grooms. Chat here about the best tips, Knottie GTGs, and wedding planning in your area.

Let me start off by saying that my future mother in law and I get along great and I would never do anything to hurt her.  My fiancee is in the military, he signed on to pay for medical school and

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Michigan-Grand Rapids

FMIL dilemma

Hey Grand Rapids brides and grooms. Chat here about the best tips, Knottie GTGs, and wedding planning in your area.

Let me start off by saying that my future mother in law and I get along great and I would never do anything to hurt her.  My fiancee is in the military, he signed on to pay for medical school and

Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:95

Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:95Discussion:33d4ecb4-5474-4890-9d7a-415f9a2cea5c

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Forums > Local Wedding Boards > Michigan-Grand Rapids > FMIL dilemma

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FMIL dilemma

posted at 2/8/2012 11:18 AM EST on theknot.com

naturenut7

Joined on
10-26-2007
VIRGINIA

7460289903227968

Posts: 50

First: 2/3/2011

Last: 4/30/2012

Let me start off by saying that my future mother in law and I get along great and I would never do anything to hurt her. My fiancee is in the military, he signed on to pay for medical school and only owes and few years to pay back what the government paid for his school and then then he'll start his own practice. I've never been one to drool over a man in uniform and when it came down to deciding what everyone is wearing, he said he wants to wear his dress uniform because he had it and it was free. This idea honestly disgusts me. I'm marrying the man i've spent the last 8 years of my life with, the funny, quirky nerd I fell in love with, not some military guy that lives and breath military. Nothing about this wedding is military. After a few days of trying to convince him that a tux was a better choice (since renting them with a bunch of others he gets his rental for free anyway). His sisters husband is also in the military (different branch) and that's his job since before they met and he didn't wear his uniform when they got married.

So, I'm emailing his mom pictures of the venue and asking about her side of the guest list and she asks me if he's wearing his dress uniform or not. I tell her what I just told you only not so harsh words. This is what she writes back, " Oh ok. I was kinda hoping he would wear the uniform. I would be so proud to see him get married in uniform. It is a sentimental gesture and a way to honor my Dad who was also Navy. I deeply respect and admire our Military personnel! (his sister) didn't like the idea either, so i understand The tux is probably more comfortable to wear." :( ef. Now I feel guilty for not wanting him to wear it. My dad was in the army but I feel no special connection with it. Suggestions?

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Re: FMIL dilemma

posted at 2/8/2012 1:37 PM EST on theknot.com

bmille01

Joined on
07-13-2011
GRAND RAPIDS

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Posts: 25

First: 7/25/2011

Last: 5/9/2012

Remember it is YOUR day. While everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and you can certainly act appreciative of what they have to say, it is what you and your guy want. It's nearly impossible to please everyone. A wedding really isn't about paying tribute to what other people have done or are affilated with either, military or not. There is another time and place for that if it's not sentimental to you. It's about celebrating the love that you two share. She'll get over it I'm sure.

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Re: FMIL dilemma

posted at 2/8/2012 4:04 PM EST on theknot.com

dogsandfrogs

Joined on
03-02-2011
Chicago Suburbs

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Posts: 502

First: 3/9/2011

Last: 5/22/2012

As PP said, it really is your day, and you two should do whatever it is that makes you happy. If he's not really a military guy and has no intention of staying in the service after he finishes his term, then I don't really see a reason to push for him to wear the uniform...in that case it's not who he is.

On the flip side...does he have a reason for wanting to wear the uniform other than "I have it"? Maybe he feels a special connection to it because of his grandfather's service? It's not fair of FMIL to guilt you guys into it, but if FI wants to wear it as a way to honor his grandfather, then that really is something to consider.

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Re: FMIL dilemma

posted at 2/8/2012 9:28 PM EST on theknot.com

dravensbaby

Joined on
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Last: 4/25/2012

My husband is a Marine. He is medicaly retired. he wore his Blues(dress uniform) because he wanted to. He is a soldier thru and thru. He would have gone career if he had not been hurt (iraq 05). He is very very proud of his uniform and almost looks for a reason to wear it.

If your FI wants to wear it just beacuse he has it or because its free then personally I see it as a discrace to the uniform, and he should go with the tux. On the other hand if he wants to wear it because he is proud of his service, and what that uniform stand for then I think he has every right to wear it. I know that this is going to sound harsh, and I don't want to intentionally be mean but I truly feel that it needs to be said. If he wants to wear his uniform because he is proud of it, then I think it is completly, totally wrong of you to stand in the way of that.

One way of another you are marrying a soldier, and there are things that go along with that, and it is your responsibilty to support that part of him.

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Re: FMIL dilemma

posted at 2/9/2012 7:21 AM EST on theknot.com

naturenut7

Joined on
10-26-2007
VIRGINIA

7460289903227968

Posts: 50

First: 2/3/2011

Last: 4/30/2012

Thanks for the suggestions. He isn't a solider, he's a doctor in the navy. He's acheived far more at becoming a doctor than just signing a paper to join the military. We appreciate everything the navy is doing for him, don't get me wrong, but we aren't a military family, it's just his job. His career is being a doctor and he will be a doctor regardless if he's in the military. Once [you're] out, it's like [you] never exsisted to them, those are words straight from his captains mouth about being a lieuteniant. I don't really know any other reasons why he wanted to wear the uniform at first, he never voiced them.

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Re: FMIL dilemma

posted at 3/26/2012 7:48 PM EDT on theknot.com

michigangirl87

Joined on
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First: 2/1/2010

Last: 3/26/2012

First let me say that I am on my daughter's knot account checking for some ideas when I came across this post. Because I am going to be a MIL soon, I was curious about what dilemmas couples are having with the in-laws! :) So here is my two cents worth:

I agree with Dravensbaby. My father, grandfather and son are all military. I was born on a military base. My son will be wearing his dress blues for his sisters wedding that he's in. But he is a soldier through and through. It sounds like you and your future hubby do not share any real sentiment or emotional tie to our military so therefore he should not wear the uniform. Perhaps you should explain to your FMIL how you both feel about his military career the way you explained it here. Once she understands that he's not emotionally tied to the military, his service in it or the uniform, she too might feel the way we do about wearing the uniform. I am of course assuming that your future hubby has the same apparent indifference towards the military that you do. If he on the other hand has pride in his military service, respects the uniform and what it stands for and feels it an honor to wear, then he should wear it with pride. Just not because its free please!

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