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Dilemma..what would you do...?
Nevada-Las Vegas
Dilemma..what would you do...?
Hey Las Vegas brides and grooms. Chat here about the best tips, Knottie GTGs, and wedding planning in your area.
My best friend is insisting on bringing a date to our "small" wedding. Other then my FI's best friend, everyone else is close family. We moved our wedding to Vegas to eliminate our giant g
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Nevada-Las Vegas
Dilemma..what would you do...?
Hey Las Vegas brides and grooms. Chat here about the best tips, Knottie GTGs, and wedding planning in your area.
My best friend is insisting on bringing a date to our "small" wedding. Other then my FI's best friend, everyone else is close family. We moved our wedding to Vegas to eliminate our giant g
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Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91
Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:a9231b0b-a879-4e9b-bd65-9a0e23da95ea
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Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 3:32 PM EST
on theknot.com
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My best friend is insisting on bringing a date to our "small" wedding. Other then my FI's best friend, everyone else is close family. We moved our wedding to Vegas to eliminate our giant guest list, and only include the ones who matter most..
I keep telling my friend that I'd rather her hitch a ride with my brother and come solo, but her birthday is the day before the wedding so she's complaining that she'll be alone for her birthday, yada yada.
I've never met her date, and I don't like the idea of a stranger being at my wedding. Neither one of them have much money, saying they'll save up to book a room...So I feel like I'm going to be responsible for funding their entertainment, which isn't really fair... I know it's her birthday and all, but it's our wedding too....Am I being selfish?
ETA: She just called and told me that it's unfair that I made my wedding so far away so that it's going to cost her tons of money, plus she'd be missing out on her birthday at home so she should get to bring someone with her...This isn't even her SO, just a random girl she just started talking to..
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 3:39 PM EST
on theknot.com
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If she's in a relationship with this person, you really should let her bring him. If it's just a random person she wants to bring along, then you have every right to say no to a plus one.
However, she's spending her time and money to travel to your wedding, is that one extra person really going to make a huge difference? If she were to hitch a ride with your brother, does that mean she'd be getting her own hotel room? That can be really expensive to not be able to split the cost with someone.
Just my two cents.
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 3:59 PM EST
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while i totally understand wanting to have just those near and dear to you - travelling for a wedding and being there "by yourself" can be not so much fun. I have a few singles on our list and while we are trying to keep it small, i'm giving them a plus one so that they have a partner in crime for the times when we are busy etc.
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 4:03 PM EST
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I edited the post before I saw your response lol
This isn't her SO, just a random girl she's interested in [she's a lesbian...funny thing is, the girl she likes is in a relationship with a man...long story..]
If she came with my brother, they could split a room, they've been friends for years and it wouldn't be the first time we've all had to crash together.. I don't think one extra person would really make a difference moneywise [unless they expect to eat and drink on my dime all weekend], but the fact that I've never met this person, and she's not in an actual relationship with her, makes me feel like I shouldn't have to include her... I feel like she's trying to guilt me into it, and maybe I should just let her bring her and screw it..
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 4:04 PM EST
on theknot.com
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In Response to Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?:
while i totally understand wanting to have just those near and dear to you - travelling for a wedding and being there "by yourself" can be not so much fun. I have a few singles on our list and while we are trying to keep it small, i'm giving them a plus one so that they have a partner in crime for the times when we are busy etc.
Posted by torontozombielover
I totally get that..She'll have other people to hang with all weekend, but I guess it would be nice for her to have a guest..I just wish she wasn't forcing the issue, and she'd just let me decide and give her an answer.
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 4:04 PM EST
on theknot.com
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*Moderator*
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Just my personal opinion, but I can't imagine not giving someone I consider my best friend at least a +1 at my wedding. Hell, I'd be more inclined to give my best friend and a +1 a seat than some of my own family. If she's your best friend, then you shouldn't be concerned over who the person she might bring is whether you've met the person or not. If your best friend would bring someone that would otherwise disrupt your wedding, then they're not much of a friend and probably shouldn't be there to begin with.
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Married old Las Vegas hag groom - June 2011
Getting married in Vegas? Start here! [click]
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 4:11 PM EST
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I would let her bring a date. She is supporting you at your wedding so I would compromise on this. Its a nice gesture.
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 4:14 PM EST
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In Response to Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?:
Just my personal opinion, but I can't imagine not giving someone I consider my best friend at least a +1 at my wedding. Hell, I'd be more inclined to give my best friend and a +1 a seat than some of my own family. If she's your best friend, then you shouldn't be concerned over who the person she might bring is whether you've met the person or not. If your best friend would bring someone that would otherwise disrupt your wedding, then they're not much of a friend and probably shouldn't be there to begin with.
Posted by vegasgroom
Ditto this. She should have a +1, no matter who that person would be.
I'm of the "what would I want if I were them" school. I think I'd want to have the option to have my friend there, especially at a destination wedding.
I think you should have a +1 for EVERY person that's invited to your wedding, but especially your best friend.
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 4:21 PM EST
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I think I'd look at this from a big picture standpoint. She's your best friend. It's one more plate, which in the grand scheme of things, isn't worth the drama of telling her she can't bring this lady. I gave a bridesmaid a +1 (male or female, whatever, I didn't care) because she's traveling from Chicago and doesn't know anyone besides my parents. I figured she'd have more fun if she brought one of her BFFs.
Also, I remember being strapped for cash, and sometimes adding one person to a hotel room really did make a huge difference. Instead of paying for half the room, she only has to pay for 1/3. That extra money can come in handy if she wants to enjoy a buffet or a show on her birthday.
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 4:33 PM EST
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Thanks everyone.. I figured I was being ridiculous, just needed to hear it from someone else :). I didn't really have an issue with her bringing someone until she started making demands and playing the guilt card.
I'm going to let her bring a guest, but I'll definitely make it clear that we aren't funding the weekend for them... She's my best friend of 7 years, and I've constantly had to support her and pay her way, sort of a one sided friendship I guess. Maybe bringing a date will inspire her to save her money so they can have a good time.
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 4:46 PM EST
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Plus, maybe by the time 9 months comes, they may not even be friends/dating anyways....
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 4:58 PM EST
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In Response to Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?:
Plus, maybe by the time 9 months comes, they may not even be friends/dating anyways....
Posted by klminor17
Good point.. Lol but knowing her, she'll find some other random person to drag along..
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 5:37 PM EST
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I agree with pp. A +1 is only fair when someone is traveling for your wedding. Plus its her birthday. Like a pp said, maybe she wont even be dating her by then. Then you have nothing to worry about :)
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 5:39 PM EST
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IMO, it's rude to expect someone to attend a DW alone...
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 5:51 PM EST
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I personally wouldn't deny a +1 to someone who was travelling to my event. All the more so if it was my BFF asking (!). My BFF, also MOH, travelled and attended with her date, whom we'd never met before. So did my MIL and hubby's best man.
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 6:10 PM EST
on theknot.com
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I totally get where everyone's coming from. I guess my main thing is that she isn't even dating this girl [who has a boyfriend already..] and I feel strange about having someone so random at such a special event.. I know I'm overthinking it way too much.. It's nice to have a place to clear my brain out and get some good perspective. :)
I've also begun to realize that maybe we aren't as close as I thought because she told me I'm ruining her birthday by getting married the next day...Even if she brings her date, I'm at fault because I can't party with her the night before, and I'm "forcing" her to travel for the wedding..She turned down being a bridesmaid so she could bring a date and sit with her [this was before I even planned a Vegas wedding..]. Dang, maybe I need some new friends lol
Okay, enough drama lol
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 6:30 PM EST
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Okay, so... wow. Yup.
I agree that you should make it clear you're not funding any of the trip, but be polite...
She does seem a WEE bit selfish about the timing, but I can also understand people who really value their birthday.
Luckily for her, an invitation isn't an obligation to go anywhere. She doesn't even have to come... (Maybe you should reiterate how much it means to you that she spends her time and money traveling to be there for you?) Possibly offer to have some special birthday time another day - either before you go out there or one other time when you're there. (Also, who wouldn't want to spend their birthday in Vegas?!)
And maybe the reason she turned down being a BM wasn't because of the seating issue... some people understand there's a big cost involved with being in the WP, so maybe she didn't feel comfortable with that aspect? Or maybe she doesn't want to feel obligated to come?
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 6:38 PM EST
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It is rather strange that she's blaming you for ruining her birthday and stating you're "forcing" her to travel. Personally, I'd be thrilled if my friend got married on/around my birthday. Free party. ;) I realize everyone has different situations, though.
I agree with nycheryl. She may not have been able to afford a BM dress/makeup/etc on top of the trip, and that might have been her version of saying "no, thank you".
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/10/2012 8:10 PM EST
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Let her bring a date....
We had a small wedding...and one extra person isn't going to break the bank...also, we had a few people who we didn't really know too well...but it was fun!
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/11/2012 7:33 AM EST
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In Response to Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?:
I've also begun to realize that maybe we aren't as close as I thought because she told me I'm ruining her birthday by getting married the next day...Even if she brings her date, I'm at fault because I can't party with her the night before, and I'm "forcing" her to travel for the wedding..She turned down being a bridesmaid so she could bring a date and sit with her [this was before I even planned a Vegas wedding..]. Dang, maybe I need some new friends lol Okay, enough drama lol
Posted by Crazybeautiful11
If there's one thing to be said about weddings, they certainly have a way of filtering out who your true friends are. My best man's wife and my wife both had eye opening experiences with certain 'friends' during the process.
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Married old Las Vegas hag groom - June 2011
Getting married in Vegas? Start here! [click]
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/11/2012 1:03 PM EST
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Nycheryl and burntofferings: you guys are probably right, I just wish she would have been more direct when I asked her.. Her response made me feel like this date is her main focus here... My weddings just becoming an excuse for her to show off for this girl..
Vg, its a really crappy situation, and I'm sorry your wife and friends had to deal with it.. Weddings should be fun and happy!!
I've slept on it now and I think I'll just invite her +1 and let her figure it out. As mad as I am, I considered not inviting her, but I know I'd regret that.. So we'll just see how it goes.. By telling me that I'm making her travel and then I won't "be there" for her on her birthday made me realize how selfish she is. I'm getting married the next day, not taking her to Vegas for her party. I tried to compromise and say we'd go out another night, but that wasn't good enough. Ugh, I give up lol
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/11/2012 2:25 PM EST
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How old is this friend of yours? I'm not used to grown women making that big of a deal about their birthday...
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Re: Dilemma..what would you do...?
posted at 2/11/2012 3:08 PM EST
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She's going to be 25, but lives the life of a 16 year old... She's lives with her parents still and blames their lifestyle for her lack of motivation.. They all party all the time and none of them work.. Which was fun when I was a teenager, but my life is totally different now and I've tried to include her as much as I can..but she refuses to grow up.
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