New Jersey

Does anyone know a Catholic priest that can do weddings outside of a church?

We are having an outdoor ceremony at our venue.  Both of us are Catholic but haven't really been practicing.  Our families are insistant that our marriage be blessed.  The priest we were originally working with said he could no longer do it because the bishop did not approve of having it outside of a church.  Does anyone know of a priest that can do an outdoor ceremony?

«1

Re: Does anyone know a Catholic priest that can do weddings outside of a church?

  • NJ JenNJ Jen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm pretty sure most bishops require that weddings take place inside a church. I am sure there are exceptions. But I also think most priests are going to expect you are parishioners in order to perform the sacrament.
  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If you want it to be valid with the Catholic church, then it has to be IN a church. That's why your priest (and every other real Catholic priest) had to decline.

    If you just want Catholic elements to the ceremony (meaning, someone who calls himself a priest and does some Catholic-like traditions), you can look into one of those rent-a-priests who perform marriage ceremonies. But be aware that it won't be considered a sacrament and the Church won't recognize it as a valid marriage. Plus, these people are not technically priests, even if they are all certified with the state to perform marriages.
    image
  • felicia220felicia220 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I was raised Roman Catholic, and from what I know you have to get married in a catholic church in order for the marriage to be recognized as a real marriage by the church.  I do not think you are going to find a PRIEST but you could do a Mon-senior or a Minister.    Can you talk to the priest and have him tell your families that even though you will not be getting married in the church that your union is still blessed by God.  Most priest are pretty understanding these days, maybe you can appeal to him.
  • edited December 2011
    We used the interfaith clergy 
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie First Birthday tickers So far we've done: Clomid Challenge/HSG/SA 1 Unmedicated IUI 2 Clomid IUIs 2 Femara IUIs 1 injectable IUI -2nd Femara IUI resulted in a CP (Beta was 16) -Another CP in May. (Beta 19 Prog 13) -Ectopic Pg - (Beta 27, 67, 430, 850) - methotrexate shot & biopsy -Forced 3 month Break 1/4/10 - Uterine septum removed by Hysteroscopy 1/18/10 - Told I have inflammation in uterus. 6 weeks of antibiotics. 2/27/10 - Another confirmed ectopic. 2 shots of methotrexate after an ER visit. Currently doing acupuncture and trying to lose weight. TTC since 3/07 -
  • edited December 2011

    We were married outside by a Catholic priest who is a chaplin of a Catholic hospital, therefore he can perform services anywhere.  We were married in SJ and he came from PA, so you'll have to find one in your area.  Our marriage is rec. by the Church though.

  • Reilly626Reilly626 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hi- yes its supposed to be in a Church but you can "buy" or pay off a priest from a hospital to do it.  My friend married someone Jewish at the Rutgers hospital and got a priest from St.. Judes Hospital to do it along with a Rabbi to appease both sets of parents. The Chapel was the closest thing she could find to a church.
  • jchristeljchristel member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you are just looking for someone to marry you in a "catholic-like" ceremony outside and aren't concerned with it being recognized, Father John Michael O'Sullivan has been highly recommended.  732-786-1906
    Photobucket
  • edited December 2011
    Father Carroll from Linden 908 925 4546 his website www.askfathercarroll.com
    Logan Alexander born May 9th 2011. He has stolen my heart forever. Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP #2 05/24/12 EDD 01/31/13 D&C 06/26/12 Missing you. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Diagnosed with Ashermans 11/06/12 Surgery 01/18/13, Cleared for TTC 03/01/13 image
    My Ovulation Chart
    || Ovulation Tracker
  • Kris10_NJKris10_NJ member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm pretty sure that if you want your marriage to be recognized by the Catholic church, the ceremony will have to be IN a Catholic church.  Are you flexible about your outdoor ceremony?  Maybe there is a church nearby that has a light, airy feel to it if you look around.  Or a church with a lot of greenery around it?
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anyone-catholic-priest-can-weddings-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:9da4133a-5f3a-491b-be54-ccd6271b4482Post:2a896733-a29e-43f1-9f48-6f1c31ea92f5">Re: Does anyone know a Catholic priest that can do weddings outside of a church?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi- yes its supposed to be in a Church but you can "buy" or pay off a priest from a hospital to do it.  My friend married someone Jewish at the Rutgers hospital and got a priest from St.. Judes Hospital to do it along with a Rabbi to appease both sets of parents. The Chapel was the closest thing she could find to a church.
    Posted by Reilly626[/QUOTE]

    Where  can I "buy" one of these priests from the hospital? I didn't realize this was an option and it would be nice to have my marriage recognized by the church instead of having to do a vow renewal which is what we planned on doing.

    Thank you.
    Logan Alexander born May 9th 2011. He has stolen my heart forever. Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP #2 05/24/12 EDD 01/31/13 D&C 06/26/12 Missing you. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Diagnosed with Ashermans 11/06/12 Surgery 01/18/13, Cleared for TTC 03/01/13 image
    My Ovulation Chart
    || Ovulation Tracker
  • felicia220felicia220 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anyone-catholic-priest-can-weddings-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:9da4133a-5f3a-491b-be54-ccd6271b4482Post:67d8dc36-03ad-41a2-a622-251f019c791f">Re: Does anyone know a Catholic priest that can do weddings outside of a church?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We were married outside by a Catholic priest who is a chaplin of a Catholic hospital, therefore he can perform services anywhere.  We were married in SJ and he came from PA, so you'll have to find one in your area.  Our marriage is rec. by the Church though.
    Posted by njbrowneyedgrl74[/QUOTE]

    <div>I never knew you could do that.  I think it is great.  I never really understood HAVING to get married in a church for it to be rec. by the church, isn't God everywhere?  </div><div>Just wanted to say that is awesome and the OP should look into this, it may be your only option for having an outdoor ceremony.</div>
  • uppereastgirluppereastgirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you're able to "buy" a priest to marry you outside the Catholic church, I'm pretty sure your wedding will not be automatically blessed by the Catholic church.  You can go later to get it blessed though.


    image
  • edited December 2011
    I am currently in the planning stages of my wedding, and I am a Jewish bride marrying a Roman Catholic. He wanted the ceremony in a church for it to be recognized by the Church.  Through our discussions with many priests, we have found that they can perform a ceremony outside of the church, a priest is present at the ceremony outside of church and steps in during the ceremony at a certain point to do blessings, and have it be recognized by the church, and you have a judge or another individual conduct the remaining the ceremony. We found a church in Summit, NJ that would do this for us if we wanted, and also one in Bernardsville, NJ.  Not sure where you are getting married, but the option is out there. We ended up going with the ceremony in the church, but we could have gone the other way if we wanted to.  We have found it depends on the church so you will have to ask around, we are also non members and they will be marrying us in their church, and a different church didn't allow non members, so it varies from church to church. There is a word for it when the priest marries you outside the church, and I can't think of it (and FI is on a plane right now, or I would ask him!) I think it is something like recon something....
    Hope this helps!
  • Lola MinnieLola Minnie member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This whole thread leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  If you or your parents want your marriage to be blessed by the Church then get married in a Church.
  • edited December 2011
    Can you please provide me with the info for the 2 churches that would bless the outside ceremony, you can email me at kathygrzywnowicz at hotmail dot com  thank you
    Logan Alexander born May 9th 2011. He has stolen my heart forever. Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP #2 05/24/12 EDD 01/31/13 D&C 06/26/12 Missing you. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Diagnosed with Ashermans 11/06/12 Surgery 01/18/13, Cleared for TTC 03/01/13 image
    My Ovulation Chart
    || Ovulation Tracker
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anyone-catholic-priest-can-weddings-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:9da4133a-5f3a-491b-be54-ccd6271b4482Post:7e0a5974-964a-4d62-8868-f385efee9153">Re: Does anyone know a Catholic priest that can do weddings outside of a church?</a>:
    [QUOTE]This whole thread leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  If you or your parents want your marriage to be blessed by the Church then get married in a Church.
    Posted by Lola Minnie[/QUOTE]
    Agreed. I'm not an expert, but you should pose this question on the Catholic brides board. They are experts there and can tell you exactly what you need to do.

    I never heard of these chaplains doing outside marriages, but I DO know, that for a Catholic wedding to be considered a sacrament, it HAS to be inside a church or in a graveyard. Otherwise it's just a blessing.
  • edited December 2011
    AUGH! You cannot CANNOT have a wedding recognized by the Catholic Church if you do not get married on Sacred Grounds, if you want an outside wedding to be recognized, get married in a RC Cemetery!  If not, go back and have it validated.
  • melissa82melissa82 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Some people are very uptight about this entire thing.

    Yes, the "rule" is that it has to be in a church.

    But in reality there ARE priests who are willing to bend the rules because they believe that they have nothing to do with Catholicism. In the cases that I know of, the couples were married in the church alone with the priest and he performed their ceremony as planned (at a reception hall, etc.). However, I think it probably helps to already have a relationship with the parish/priest. Also, I don't think you should get married in the Catholic faith just because that's what your parents want, it should be what is right for you and your FI.

    You may want to leave your e-mail or ask people to PM you if they can suggest someone. I suspect you'll get more recommendations that way.

    ETA: I don't understand why people have to be berated when they ask this question. It always seems to me the people who profess to be the most "Catholic" are the most judgemental. It just bothers me because this is why Catholics get the bad rep we have.
  • Lola MinnieLola Minnie member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anyone-catholic-priest-can-weddings-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:9da4133a-5f3a-491b-be54-ccd6271b4482Post:7f407272-105d-428c-9789-5a6c14dcc355">Re: Does anyone know a Catholic priest that can do weddings outside of a church?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't understand why people have to be berated when they ask this question. It always seems to me the people who profess to be the most "Catholic" are the most judgemental. It just bothers me because this is why Catholics get the bad rep we have.
    Posted by melissa82[/QUOTE]

    I'll answer that one for you.  I am not very holy or "most Catholic" but no one necessarily berated the OP.  We are allowed to give our opinions, this is a forum. I hate when people get bent out of shape if their views aren't the same as everyone else's views.

    Marriage is first and foremost a sacrament in the eye's of the Catholic church. If people want to marry at their venue or elsewhere that are not as interested in being recognized by the Catholic Church, that is completely and utterly understandable.  But when you want to be blessed by the Catholic Church and as a Christian then you should have your ceremony at the Church rather than a garden that looks pretty and expect to reap the same benefits as other Christian Brides IMHO.
  • melissa82melissa82 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I didn't ask you to not give your opinion or say you're not allowed to. I just said I don't understand it and it bothers me.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anyone-catholic-priest-can-weddings-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:9da4133a-5f3a-491b-be54-ccd6271b4482Post:dcb9cec6-2696-491a-a997-15f03cb26d30">Re: Does anyone know a Catholic priest that can do weddings outside of a church?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't ask you to not give your opinion or say you're not allowed to. I just said I don't understand it and it bothers me.
    Posted by melissa82[/QUOTE]

    I agree it bothers me as well, I called my parents parish today just to see if there is anything they can do for me (since mine couldn't and I am not very found of my parents parish) and I pretty much was told why bother getting married if you're not doing it in a church. I was raised religious I went to church every Sunday until I was 22 or so now I go on holidays and I do pray quite often. I think a church ceremony is very nice but we wanted to get married outside, it's just what we always imagined I'm not understanding why I have to get married where someone else wants me to.  Our options are limited at this point and we will have to renew our vows at some point but it's silly, if they can perform a 10 minute renewal why not just do it outside.
    Logan Alexander born May 9th 2011. He has stolen my heart forever. Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP #2 05/24/12 EDD 01/31/13 D&C 06/26/12 Missing you. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Diagnosed with Ashermans 11/06/12 Surgery 01/18/13, Cleared for TTC 03/01/13 image
    My Ovulation Chart
    || Ovulation Tracker
  • edited December 2011
    I think the bottom line is that the Catholic church has rules, just like every other religion. Why do you expect them to bend their rules for you? Every religion has their own set of rules, and the Catholic church is viewed as a lot more strict, but that's just the way it is.

    As for Catholics being judgmental comment- I think devout, passionate Catholics who are strict in their practice of the religion just want to share the information. Maybe sometimes it comes out in the wrong way, with judgmental tone, but it's not. Once again, why do people expect rules to be bent for them? This is the way it has been forever. This can be said of any religion- but since Catholicism is such a large population, we get the bulk of the criticism.
  • edited December 2011
    I understand the whole sacred part of being within a confinement of a church...I think it's beautiful that some brides have a ceremony at the church but I have to disagree that it's been like this forever. Jesus did not preach in a church, he did so outside, an outside that God has created before  building were built. I am just having a problem understanding this.
    Logan Alexander born May 9th 2011. He has stolen my heart forever. Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP #2 05/24/12 EDD 01/31/13 D&C 06/26/12 Missing you. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Diagnosed with Ashermans 11/06/12 Surgery 01/18/13, Cleared for TTC 03/01/13 image
    My Ovulation Chart
    || Ovulation Tracker
  • kewltifkewltif member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am a FAR cry from religious. With that said, I was raised Catholic and my inlaws are extremely religious.  We knew off the bat that we would get married in a church.  There just didn't seem like a good enough reason not to.  While I'm not a practicing Catholic at the moment, I didn't have any sort of strong feeling against being married in a church.  We figured, lets just make everyone happy and keep the peace.  Also, oddly enough, there's something I just happened to like about church weddings.  I think there's a certain ceremonial aspect to them that just can't be achieved in a reception hall.

    Anyway, with that said.  The Catholic church has tons of rules, but if you want to play their game, then you have to play by their rules.  If it's really that important for you to have a marriage recognized by the church, then I don't understand why you can't just get married there.
    Pregnancy Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket
  • jchristeljchristel member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think where people run into problems is when they are not practicing catholics but have families with expectations of a church wedding (which sounds like what the OP's situation is)  I felt a little pressure from some relatives to have a catholic ceremony, but we ultimately decided on what works best for us and what fits our lifestyle.  My FI originally wanted to have a church ceremony, but once we discussed it he changed his mind.  Personally I didn't want to go through pre cana and stand up in a church for our wedding, only to go back into lapsed catholic mode.  We are having a retired priest so we can still have some aspects of the ceremony reflect our upbringing without pretending to be something we are not. 
    Photobucket
  • Lola MinnieLola Minnie member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anyone-catholic-priest-can-weddings-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:9da4133a-5f3a-491b-be54-ccd6271b4482Post:8b954e95-08a4-4fb6-91f9-6d9df52d0ea4">Re: Does anyone know a Catholic priest that can do weddings outside of a church?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I understand the whole sacred part of being within a confinement of a church...I think it's beautiful that some brides have a ceremony at the church but I have to disagree that it's been like this forever. Jesus did not preach in a church, he did so outside, an outside that God has created before  building were built. I am just having a problem understanding this.
    Posted by kathygrzywnowicz[/QUOTE]

    I told myself I was not going to get involved in this thread again.  But, Kathy, are you serious? Some statements that come out of you, I can't wrap my head around and this is definitely one of them.

    How do you not understand that there are rules?

    If you are Catholic, Jewish, an alien, purple, whatever, you follow some form of rules to your religion.  For religious people, this day is about celebrating the sacrament of marriage, not a pretty outdoors ceremony or party thereafter.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anyone-catholic-priest-can-weddings-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:9da4133a-5f3a-491b-be54-ccd6271b4482Post:a2a75419-b5ae-4ecb-9cf4-f5c5884e782a">Re: Does anyone know a Catholic priest that can do weddings outside of a church?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does anyone know a Catholic priest that can do weddings outside of a church? : I told myself I was not going to get involved in this thread again.  But, Kathy, are you serious? Some statements that come out of you, I can't wrap my head around and this is definitely one of them. How do you not understand that there are rules? If you are Catholic, Jewish, an alien, purple, whatever, you follow some form of rules to your religion.  For religious people, this day is about celebrating the sacrament of marriage, not a pretty outdoors ceremony or party thereafter.
    Posted by Lola Minnie[/QUOTE]

    Of course I understand there are rules however I have yet met anyone including a priest tell me why these rules have been put in place. The only answer I was given is because "it's the rules and the church is sacred". I think that a marriage is sacred and should be considered so no matter the setting. I -  as you did not want to get overly involved with this topic since it's a sore spot to many and I was just trying to quickly get my point across without posting 4 pages of why I feel the way I do. For some people it's a question of logistics not just a pretty outdoor ceremony and personally I think a pretty ceremony with a beautiful view that God created should not be shunned upon.
    Logan Alexander born May 9th 2011. He has stolen my heart forever. Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP #2 05/24/12 EDD 01/31/13 D&C 06/26/12 Missing you. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Diagnosed with Ashermans 11/06/12 Surgery 01/18/13, Cleared for TTC 03/01/13 image
    My Ovulation Chart
    || Ovulation Tracker
  • melissa82melissa82 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anyone-catholic-priest-can-weddings-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:9da4133a-5f3a-491b-be54-ccd6271b4482Post:20b1c9be-f2b3-4ba0-85d5-07c5da30caeb">Re: Does anyone know a Catholic priest that can do weddings outside of a church?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think the bottom line is that the Catholic church has rules, just like every other religion. Why do you expect them to bend their rules for you?
    Posted by rlb81[/QUOTE]

    It's not that I think the Church <em>should</em> bend rules, but the reality is there <em>are</em> priests who don't agree with these rules and are willing to do ceremonies outside the Church. People tend to answer this question as if it is a 100% fact that there is no how, no way it will ever be done and it's just not true. There are also priests who don't agree with the Church's stance on gay marriage and will do ceremonies for gay couples.

    I think if someone said, "My Church won't marry us because we live together. Does anyone know a Catholic priest who can?" they would not have gotten this response. Someone a while back wrote about their priest who said something like, "If the Pope can say Mass at Giant's Stadium, why can't a priest marry someone outside?" <<No real point to this paragraph, just some food for thought.

    Perhaps I am alone in my experience, but after 10 years of Catholic school and a very Catholic family, I just find that the people who are the most devout in my life are also the most close-minded. It is very sad to me and I wish it were not that way. I think I'm incredibly lucky to have had a very open-minded priest from early on because it seems like most people were not taught in the same way.
  • edited December 2011
    We are using Father Matthew Martin.  his e-mail is: mattmarym@aol.com

    He made it very clear to us that he is a catholic priest who is still affiliated with the diocese of Trenton and a church in north jersey, I just forget which one.  He will be performing a catholic ceremony for us, on the beach.  We explained to him that the church I grew up going to does not have the same meaning to us as a couple as the beach does, and he completely understood.  He said that after we are married, we can petition to the diocese to accept/recognize our marriage, but there is no guarantee.  It will be a legal marriage, recognized by the state, but may/may not be accepted by the church. 
    He is an older man, who explained that through his experiences, he has learned that getting married in a church is not necessarily for everyone.  I think it's a personal opinion, and I guess he agrees.  Good luck!
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you all so much for your postings and sorry if I started a little controversey.  We've decided to go with ex or retired priests as some have suggested.  Even if it's not recognized by the church they can still incorporate Catholic touches to the ceremony and we can later renew our vows once we become members of a church.  If anyone has reccomendations for these type of priest please PM me.  I will be making appointments with Father Matt Martin and Father O'Sullivan.  Thanks for the suggestions!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards