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I just don't know what to do??!

Gay Weddings

I just don't know what to do??!

Planning a same-sex wedding? Share ideas and get ideas here.

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Gay Weddings

I just don't know what to do??!

Planning a same-sex wedding? Share ideas and get ideas here.

Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:44

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Forums > Special Topic Wedding Boards > Gay Weddings > I just don't know what to do??!

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I just don't know what to do??!

posted at 12/4/2011 7:50 PM EST on theknot.com

andih22

Joined on
06-28-2011
MINNEAPOLIS-ST. PAUL

9901448277272936

Posts: 10

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Last: 4/14/2012

Ok so we've been engage for 6 months (WOW) this month and we were looking at having the wedding summer/fall 2012. . One of my issues is where to have it? I'm from Oregon and I know domestic partnerships are legal there but... long story short I kinda already have one and its way complicated to get rid of it partly because no one really knows much about them. My parents won't come so that's not an issue but some of my other family would like to. We are thinking of having a ceremony in Portland and also gettng it legalized in a place like New York. The question is do we have the ceremony first? or legalize it first? Or not have a ceremony in Portland but just a reception? If I did get "married" in both states then which one is my wedding date??? I don't want one to take away from the other but I just can't seem to have my cake and eat it to! Any advice??

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Re: I just don't know what to do??!

posted at 12/5/2011 8:30 AM EST on theknot.com

lulusl

Joined on
12-01-2011
SOUTH FLORIDA

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Last: 1/4/2012

Have a desination wedding cross on your iddeas?! Doing symbolic at cancun or puerto vallarta(lovely place, gay destination #1 in america, the romantic zone is amazing and casa cupula is a great hotel with view of PV Bay) or cabo!! Mexico city has legal gay/marriage too..

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Re: I just don't know what to do??!

posted at 12/5/2011 8:42 AM EST on theknot.com

MillBride2012

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NEW JERSEY

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First: 11/3/2011

Last: 4/28/2012

Just an FYI if you have a domestic partnership in one state you will not be able to get legally married or have a civil union in another state. Most states ask you to sign an affidavit in order to get a marriage/civil union licence that states you are not married, in a civil union or domestic partnership in another state.

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Re: I just don't know what to do??!

posted at 12/6/2011 8:35 AM EST on theknot.com

chrmun

Joined on
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NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

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Last: 5/18/2012

Any way you slice it, you can't have 2 legal partnerships at the same time. (Regardless of wether they're marriages, domestic partnerships or civil unions.) That having been said,I guarantee that there are people in Oregon who know how to dissolve a domestic partnership. (I just googled it.)

Once you get that done, there's really no set schedule of events. Do what works for you. People I know that have gone to NY seem to favor doing the legal bit first, then coming home for a party.

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Re: I just don't know what to do??!

posted at 12/6/2011 11:43 PM EST on theknot.com

andih22

Joined on
06-28-2011
MINNEAPOLIS-ST. PAUL

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Posts: 10

First: 12/4/2011

Last: 4/14/2012

I litterally stood at the court house to try and figure out how to get out of it. I was pretty much told I need to live in Oregon which I don't. I now live in Minnesota. I almost got kicked out because I was so frustrated with the people there. BTW It is also the same process as divorce. Anyways you can legally marry in any state actually regardless of domestic partnerships. In fact the same person I had a domestic partnership got married to a man in Tennessee. New York Law actually allows it despite domestic partnership status. Trust me this whole thing is way complicated.

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Re: I just don't know what to do??!

posted at 12/7/2011 4:47 PM EST on theknot.com

2dBride

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My sympathies! One of the ironic things about the "Defense of Marriage Act" is that a lot of people have ended up legally married to a same-sex partner, but unable to get a divorce if they live in a state that doesn't recognize their marriage. It was something I had to think about long and hard before we had a legal marriage.

Back to your question: We (and most people I know) had the legal wedding first, then had a reception back home. If you want, you could even have a video of the legal wedding to show at your reception. We didn't really see the need for a second ceremony once we were already legally married.

Our wedding bio page (including vendor reviews) and items for sale

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Re: I just don't know what to do??!

posted at 12/7/2011 6:14 PM EST on theknot.com

andih22

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Last: 4/14/2012

Thanks,
I unfortunantly was 18, in love and had no knowledge of any of it. It's a bummer because I just contacted a lawyer here too and they just told me I had to deal with in Oregon. Oregon tells me I can't do it there unless I live there. So if anyone has an knowledge of where I could do it without being a resident that would be awesome! Ahhh so frustrating especially since my ex is now married.

But 2dBride that's what I was wondering, thank you. I think that is probably what we will do. I especially like the video idea. Although my fiance has suggested having a ceremony and then maybe in a year legalizing it.

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Re: I just don't know what to do??!

posted at 12/10/2011 12:36 AM EST on theknot.com

supertoaster82

Joined on
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NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

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First: 8/13/2010

Last: 5/4/2012

My FSIL and her wife did something similar to 2dbride. They currently live in CT, so they did their legal wedding there, and then had a reception here in CA (where most of the family is) later on. They did have a minister come, and it wasn't exactly a ceremony, but the minister explained the vows they had made to one another and just did a little spiel on love and family and stuff.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding, and best of luck with all the legal stuff you're dealing with!

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Re: I just don't know what to do??!

posted at 12/12/2011 10:24 AM EST on theknot.com

lbouza

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INDIANA

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Last: 5/14/2012

As far as which one to have first, my fiancee and I are doing a commitment ceremony in Indiana in front of all friends and family then going to a state like Massachusetts within a year to legalize it. Our anniversary date will be the ceremony in Indiana - it's more important for that to be what we remember and celebrate (committing in front of friends and family) then go to a legal state and have no one be there. However, whatever you want to do will be great!

Good luck w/ the "divorce" in Oregon - I'm sorry I wish I knew more about that!

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Re: I just don't know what to do??!

posted at 12/12/2011 6:53 PM EST on theknot.com

jayetheartist

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ARKANSAS

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Last: 12/16/2011

In Response to Re: I just don't know what to do??!:

We're doing the same thing, only we're getting the legal marriage on our honeymoon, so it'll just be a few days later, but the ceremony date will be the one we consider our anniversary.

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Re: I just don't know what to do??!

posted at 1/2/2012 12:42 PM EST on theknot.com

TwoGreen81

Joined on
12-12-2011
COLORADO

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First: 12/12/2011

Last: 5/14/2012

You can only marry the person that you have the domestic partnership with.

BUT: Cancun just legalized same sex marriage :)

My million dollar dog :)

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Re: I just don't know what to do??!

posted at 2/1/2012 9:21 PM EST on theknot.com

KatyRoseM

Joined on
03-02-2010
CENTRAL ILLINOIS

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First: 3/2/2010

Last: 4/9/2012

Have you looked into what is required for residency? Getting out of a legal relationship with someone you don't want to be in a legal relationship with might be worth having an official residence in OR for a few months.