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MOTHER TROUBLE!!! UGH

RaybopRaybop
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in Military Brides
SO i'm getting married in June, my whole family supports me EXCEPT for my mother! she acts like does to my face, but then goes behind my back and says all kind of awful things about how dumb i am to get MARRIED!!! UGH...but thats not even why i'm venting... she called me to tell me that i needed to change my times for dress shopping (My first appointment ever btw) because she's partying friday night... and doesn't want to get up at 9 to go with me!!! I AM HER OLDEST CHILD!!! you would think this would be important! Plus she and my father have only been divorced 8 months, and she's already trying to wiggle her bf into my wedding!! I'm so fed up at this point that i honestly am about to uninvite my own mother if she doesn't start acting like she cares.. Am i totally insane? unreasonable? I mean is anyone else having this problem!!! Sincerely, Mother of all headaches!!! 
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Re: MOTHER TROUBLE!!! UGH

  • Luke&Sam625Luke&Sam625
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    edited December 2011

    Let's talk about moms!! My mom, a floral designer, offered to make my boquet, out of silk flowers. All I wanted was red roses. Thats it. and I got my boquet today. It looks like santa threw up my boquet! It has holly, misteltoe, and poinsettas. All without my permisson or even talking to me about it.
    You're not crazy, but keep in mind, it is still a long way off. Talk to her, tell her how you're feeling. Don't be scared of her like I was. It doesn't end up well.
    I can tell you that it ends up with you being sick about wearing a dress you hate carrying flowers you hate to a wedding with people you don't know. I totally am always here if you want to vent about moms!! PM me or whatever!! I understand completely!!

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  • Luke&Sam625Luke&Sam625
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    edited December 2011
    Keep in mind.. YOU HAVE TIME!!!
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  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_mother-trouble-ugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:5e486104-d548-498d-83c5-05060ecbfe22Post:ec4f5102-0d6d-4ca4-9a51-43b66a7447eb">Re: MOTHER TROUBLE!!! UGH</a>:
    [QUOTE]She already doesn't support that my FI is military, and she's a total child of the 70's if you know what i mean... she thinks all soldiers are like vietnam vets... UGH... even though G and I have been together for 3 years she still wont believe that he's not like that though she loves him. 
    Posted by Raybop[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>She won't believe he's not like what? Like someone who fought for their country in a time of intense anti-military sentiment? Like a hero? LIKE WHAT?</div><div>
    </div>
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would keep your dress appointment.  If your mom is being this childish and irrational, just keep the appointment regardless.  Say "I had plans to go dress shopping at 9am, and I am keeping those plans.  Its unfortunate that you would rather stay out late partying than go wedding dress shopping with your oldest daughter."

    Do you have a friend or sibling who could go with you?  If you start bending for your mom with her acting like this you are going to have a very long wedding planning process.
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  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_mother-trouble-ugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:5e486104-d548-498d-83c5-05060ecbfe22Post:a5aec8f4-6d77-4d8e-be08-189c7d16b888">Re: MOTHER TROUBLE!!! UGH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOTHER TROUBLE!!! UGH : She won't believe he's not like what? Like someone who fought for their country in a time of intense anti-military sentiment? Like a hero? LIKE WHAT?
    Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

    I'd also like to know what exactly you mean by that quote.  What exactly is a Vietnam Vet like?  Is it like my uncle who was a tunnel rat because he was a small guy.  He would go into underground tunnels, armed only with a pistol, to clear them to keep his squad safe.  There were many times that the tunnels were booby trapped.  He had to go into one to pull out his buddy who hit a booby trap that threw acid onto him.  He pulled the guy out as his face was melting off.  My uncles hands are still scared. 
    Is it like my husband's uncle?  His squad was being mowed down by a machine gun hidden on a hillside.  He risked himself to save his brothers.  He was shot twice but still managed to make it to the gun to take out the gunners before he went down. 
    How do you define a Vietnam Vet?
    Oh, and BTW, I think you are being a bit dramatic and need to calm down.
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  • DrudgesBabiiDrudgesBabii member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_mother-trouble-ugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:5e486104-d548-498d-83c5-05060ecbfe22Post:a5aec8f4-6d77-4d8e-be08-189c7d16b888">Re: MOTHER TROUBLE!!! UGH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOTHER TROUBLE!!! UGH : She won't believe he's not like what? Like someone who fought for their country in a time of intense anti-military sentiment? Like a hero? LIKE WHAT?
    Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

    This.
    What exactly are Vietnam vets like? I love how you generalize using that. How about respect for all veterans not just the ones who didn't get spit on. I wonder how your FI would take that comment. If your Mom wants you to rearrange the wedding for her then maybe you should think about just telling her off and doing what you need to get done without her approval. FYI Veterans Day is the 11th so you might want to have a little more respect for the men and women who put their lives on the line whether it was in Vietnam or World War II
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  • leannalynleannalyn
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with the previous posters, you need to either explain what you mean about Vietnam veterans, or at least carefully rethink what you said. It could be taken a lot of different ways, and could be really offensive to a lot of people, not only those of us with family members who served in Vietnam, but all of those who have loved ones that served or are serving in the military.
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  • mana8503mana8503 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I'm a lurker, but I think the OP was just saying how her mother feels about military and soldiers.  The OP obviously doesn't feel this way...  I did not live in the 70s, but it's kinda wide known the soldiers did not have the warm welcome home in those days.  Don't jump on her for how her mother feels, she was just explaining why there's tension about the wedding and the relationship the OP and her FI due to her mother's ignorance...

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  • Junebug060609Junebug060609 member
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    edited December 2011
    Completely disregarding the comment about Vietnam Vets...you sound like a whiny beebee.  So what if you're her oldest child?  Not everyone enjoys wedding dress shopping, especially when it isn't for them.  Her not wanting to go doesn't mean she doesn't care.  Either stick to the appt and tell her you'll be doing so...or reschedule it so it suits BOTH of your schedules rather than just yours.

    Speaking from experience, even if you have to go wedding dress shopping solo...you'll survive.  It may not be ideal, but honestly, it's not the end of the world.
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  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_mother-trouble-ugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:5e486104-d548-498d-83c5-05060ecbfe22Post:ebe46ff6-3b69-4c06-8cd7-5bd0c4273c51">Re: MOTHER TROUBLE!!! UGH</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm a lurker, but I think the OP was just saying how her mother feels about military and soldiers.  The OP obviously doesn't feel this way...  I did not live in the 70s, but it's kinda wide known the soldiers did not have the warm welcome home in those days.  Don't jump on her for how her mother feels, she was just explaining why there's tension about the wedding and the relationship the OP and her FI due to her mother's ignorance...
    Posted by mana8503[/QUOTE]

    <div>I understand that her mother is a hippie. I don't care if people's family members are ignorant nihilists, but when a military bride says something like, "She doesn't understand that HE'S not like that", it sounds like she agrees about with her mom, and she thinks somehow that her FI is BETTER than a Vietnam vet. </div><div>
    </div><div>Nope.</div>
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  • DrudgesBabiiDrudgesBabii member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe you should go re-read her post ...oh wait...it's edited so even she realized her mess up.

    "she thinks all soldiers are like vietnam vets"

    Yes that may be her mother's thoughts, but apparently OP has a vision of what exactly a Vietnam Vet is and reading further it doesn't seem good.
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  • mana8503mana8503 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_mother-trouble-ugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:5e486104-d548-498d-83c5-05060ecbfe22Post:d2797505-7335-430c-9c8a-d44f9f4f0dba">Re: MOTHER TROUBLE!!! UGH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOTHER TROUBLE!!! UGH : I understand that her mother is a hippie. I don't care if people's family members are ignorant nihilists, but when a military bride says something like, "She doesn't understand that HE'S not like that", it sounds like she agrees about with her mom, and she thinks somehow that her FI is BETTER than a Vietnam vet.  Nope.
    Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

    Eh I just took it as, He's not like the stereotype that was in place back then... the stereotype the mom has in her head.

    As all things that are in text, can be taken differently then it was meant to.  I don't think as a military bride this girl is attacking Vietnam Vets on a board full of Military, military brides, sisters, mothers...

    As for the OP, I say go dress shopping without her, take honest trustworthy friends and if you find a dress without her, it's on her.  Sorry she's being a jerk, but some people only think about themselves.  If she agreed on the time and date beforehand, then you're not being selfish by keeping it without her as a previous poster wrote.
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  • danamh83danamh83
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    1. Your mom sounds like she sucks at life, so why do you want her there dress shopping with you anyway?  I know it's hard cutting ppl out of your life, but she's made it clear she doesn't want to go.  So, cut yourself the hassle and enjoy dress shopping solo, with a friend, etc. etc.

    2. It is extremely unfair of you to generalize vetrans like that.  Did you ever stop and look at what they've been through?  There was much anti-military sentiment in those days and there wasn't any type of psychological support.  Today, our returning vets have support from ppl and counseling services via the VA.  Also, if it wasn't for our vetrans, you wouldn't have the freedom to possibly be posting on this message board.  No one should ever judge them for suffering the psychological effects of war, you and your mother included.
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  • RaybopRaybop
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    WOOOOO WAIT A SECOND... 
     I have no anti vet feelings... at all... i love them, and i love my FI... This has gotten out of hand, you have all misunderstood my point. 
    Thanks the advice, but i think i can figure this out on my own. Good luck to the rest of you. 
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  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_mother-trouble-ugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:5e486104-d548-498d-83c5-05060ecbfe22Post:a589fcc8-5777-469e-afd2-86be0efe7f11">Re: MOTHER TROUBLE!!! UGH</a>:
    [QUOTE]WOOOOO WAIT A SECOND...   I have no anti vet feelings... at all... i love them, and i love my FI... This has gotten out of hand, you have all misunderstood my point.  Thanks the advice, but i think i can figure this out on my own. Good luck to the rest of you. 
    Posted by Raybop[/QUOTE]

    <div>Then you need to be a lot more careful about how you word things. On a message board, that's all that comes across, not your intended meaning. The way you originally worded it, before the edit, was offensive.</div>
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  • RaybopRaybop
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'll do you one better i deleted it.  I understand how people can jump to conclusions about things, but i would never mean anything offensive... and i never edited it... i simply wrote it at 3 n the morning. 

    Again thank you all, and my sincerest apologies if you misinterpreted what i said. 

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