not inviting kids...

Princess_Gio · August 2009

Recently my close cousin and good friend both had babies. I have been planning to ask both of them to be in the wedding as bridesmaids but we are not going to have any kids under the age of 9 at the wedding. My cousin lives in FL, my friend lives in NC and our wedding is in CT. 1- I feel like its going to be akward asking them to be in the wedding, then having to tell them that their babies are not invited. How do I say it? 2- Do I offer to find a babysitter for the day for them and possibly any other out of town guests with young children? Thanks!

amalama · August 2009

Well etiquette answer is you don't say it, just don't list them on the invites.Offering a sitter would be nice, but with young kids they might not want a sitter they don't know and trust. They also may not be willing to leave them overnight, so be prepared for them to not be able to make it.

[Deleted User] · August 2009

ask and understand if they can't cut the cord.

amalama · August 2009

I skipped over the BM part sorry. I wouldn't wait until invitations to let them know their kids aren't invited then, I would tell them earlier so they have the option to decline being a bridesmaid without it being last minute notice.

momofayden · August 2009

If they are infants, what's the big deal with having them there especially if you are making them travel to be at your wedding and asking them to be in the wedding party....

danieliza1127 · August 2009

Be honest. Say, I'd love it if you'd be a BM, but I'm letting you know now that this will be an adult only wedding.That's exactly what I was going to say. Be up front when you ask. Tell them how much you mean to them and that you would love for them to be bridesmaids, but tell them up front that you won't be inviting any kids under age 9, and you want them to know that when they make their decision. You can't really say it's an adults only wedding though, since there will be kids there.

banana468 · August 2009

Good point danieliza. It's not adults only - but she can be honest that no children under 9 are there.PP, I assume that the kids aren't infants if they are babies now and the OP is getting married in a year.

Princess_Gio · August 2009

momofayden- They will be babies by that time and to be honest I personally do not find it appropriate to have young children there. The ceremony is going to be in a Catholic church = 1 hr ceremony. I do not find it fair to the parents or persons watching them to have to deal with getting up if they start to cry or anything of that nature. I am also no forcing them to be in my wedding, I am asking them. I am prepared for them to decline if it is a problem. Yeah I can not really say it is an "adult" wedding since the cut off is 9. The reason its 9 is because by twin cousins that will be the flower girl and ring bearer are that age. I am very close to the two of them and they would be very upset if they could not attend. Thanks for all the advice everyone. Very helpful.

thisishalloween · August 2009

I personally don't understand a "no kids" wedding. Isn't a wedding supposed to be a family affair? We're having about 20 kids at our wedding and lots of things for them to do at the reception. Most of our friends/family have children under nine! As for asking your friend/cousin to be in the wedding, isn't it a bit rude to say, "Hey, I love you, but your kid... um... " Personal opinion, not trying to be snarky, but I have a three year old and where I go, he goes and if he can't, I won't. He's a person too & deserves respect too. Besides, if people know how to parent, their kids know how to behave through a wedding. And if it's a baby, who cares? They'll most likely sleep through it anyway!

banana468 · August 2009

Weddings CAN be family events but they don't have to be. They're social functions. As with any social function, kids CAN be a part of them but they're not required.You must invite people by social unit - not family unit. It's perfectly fine to invite you without your child, but it's unacceptable to invite you without your spouse or sig other.I don't understand the 'If you don't invite my children then I'm not going because my child isn't invited' mentality. Do no adults appreciate higher level conversation with their peers anymore?

chosen175 · August 2009

I've been to many Catholic masses where children are present and don't cry. Most parents know to pack a few books or toys and maybe a snack to keep their child quiet. Not all infants/toddlers are loud-mouthed he!!ions. And I have yet to find a parent who doesn't know that they need to sit in the back row with their child and make a quick escape at the slightest peep. I see these posts all the time and it really makes me mad that people assume every child is going to scream and ruin their wedding.To answer op's question, I definitely think you need to tell your friend/cousin that there are no young children invited. Definitely be prepared for them to say no, though. I know I would if I were invited to a wedding out of state and dd wasn't invited. There is NO WAY I would leave her with a complete stranger.

not inviting kids...

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