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Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

Military Brides

Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

Talk and get support for your military wedding here.

My FI is in the National Guard and is currently deployed (his first deployment). He proposed just before he left and we only really had time to pick the city and the season.  There are only a few

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Military Brides

Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

Talk and get support for your military wedding here.

My FI is in the National Guard and is currently deployed (his first deployment). He proposed just before he left and we only really had time to pick the city and the season.  There are only a few

Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13

Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:60ed0599-8104-4b0d-9871-76dfc87cbf51

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Forums > Special Topic Wedding Boards > Military Brides > Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

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Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 8:51 AM EST on theknot.com

bezelpup

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My FI is in the National Guard and is currently deployed (his first deployment). He proposed just before he left and we only really had time to pick the city and the season. There are only a few reception venues and photographers in our budget so I'm already booking our first choices for a May 2013 wedding. We haven't really had a lot of time to discuss how we are going to pay for the wedding or handle finances when he is back. It's pretty hard to do when the most communication we have is a 10 min phone call once a week or a quick bout of instant messages when he goes to the USO tent. And there are so many other things to talk about at those times.

So anyway this is all stressing me out. I didn't really want to start spending money unitl he comes home, but the ball seems to be rolling already. And I think when the contracts start coming, he should sign them too, but that will take almost 2 weeks to send and 2 weeks to come back in the mail.

I knew that the stress of deployment would cause a lot of highs and lows, but right now this seems to be a low.

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 8:58 AM EST on theknot.com

iluvmytxrgr

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If commo is that bad, I would suggest holding off on wedding planning and pushing it back until he gets home. You can not plan a wedding with out talking about budget. That conversation has to be had. If your phone calls aren't long enough to do it, send him an email. "Babe, I am starting to get on the ball planning our wedding. I really need a budget so I know what we can spend. Please think about it and get back to me. If we can't come up with a budget soon, we need to do the responsible thing and push our wedding date back."

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 9:06 AM EST on theknot.com

Beachy730

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Your first 2 steps before booking anything should be to discuss a budget and a guest list. Obviously both can be subject to change, but you don't want to pick a venue that is $50 a person when your budget is $5k and you have a guest lst of 200 people.

Start looking at things that don't need to be booked, like colors, flowers, dresses, etc. As TX said if comms are that bad you probably want to hold off on wedding planning for a while. While May is a busy month usually you can fnd more availability if you're flexible with dates, and having it on a Friday or Sunday as well. We booked our venue only 5 months out in July by being flexible and doing a Friday night.

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 10:11 AM EST on theknot.com

Zimsgirl

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Agree with PP just wanted to add you don't need your FI to sign the contracts. Mine was deployed when I booked all of our vendors without him. He obviously ok'ed them but I signed all contracts even our apartment lease without him.

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 11:39 AM EST on theknot.com

LOLways

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Just wanted to say that I know you're stressed, but he's probably pretty busy. Not to mention that 10 minutes in the MWR tent, even every day, isn't really long enough to help you plan stuff if you want him to be involved. I would push the wedding back so that you aren't stressed planning this while he's gone and asking him for input when he probably has other stuff on his mind, like his job and missing you.

ETA: I didn't realize how mean this sounds without tone of voice, etc. I really don't mean it mean-ly... I just wanted to tell you how busy he is/ preoccupied... he might be too nice to tell you himself that he's busy.

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 1:00 PM EST on theknot.com

bezelpup

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We have a total budget and a general head count, but it will be a DW in New Orleans so it's hard to know who will come at this point.

I have done a lot of research and found only two venues and two photographers in our budget. And only one venue and one photographer have good reviews on the local Knot board. That's why I'm afraid to wait until fall to plan.

The stress is more about the costs of individual parts of the wedding and trying to determine what's important or not.

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 1:04 PM EST on theknot.com

tyleet87

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I agree that it would be hard to plan this way and it might be easier to wait and plan the wedding when the communication is better.

That said, I agree with the PP and why not move forward with other things. Color, theme, dress, rings, hair style, decor, what kinds of flowers you want, etc.

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 1:36 PM EST on theknot.com

LOLways

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Ohhh.... I was wondering why you seemed familar. It's because I spend time on the NOLA board too. Let me know if you have any questions about NOLA that you need help with. I'm from there and just had my wedding a couple weeks ago. I'm too lame to finish editing my reviews and put them up just yet.

If you're that concerned about budget, should you maybe skip the DW part and just have it in OH?

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 1:58 PM EST on theknot.com

ggirl2001

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What's important is the ceremony really. When is your wedding? Have people said anything about coming? I had a dw wedding in Florida, and planned it from 2 states (I moved during planning). We kept it small and invited about 80 and 44 came.

My FI was also deployed while planning. Can you send him an email an the link of the two photographers that he can review and give you some ideas?

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 2:33 PM EST on theknot.com

calindi

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I understand wanting him involved in the process, but some guys (not all) don't care even if they're sitting on the couch next to you. I live with my FI, and he's not involved in planning at all. Having him deployed wouldn't have made planning any easier or harder, honestly.

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 2:47 PM EST on theknot.com

LOLways

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In Response to Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!:

I think this holds true for most guys. But yours may be an exception. Mine had opinions on the randomest stuff, but not on important things. Go figure.

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 2:50 PM EST on theknot.com

ggirl2001

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Now that I look back on it, I think I picked out every vendor, color, decorations, etc for the wedding. My h didn't care at all. He even trusted me to be wise about the cost of the vendors. I ran things by him of course, but it was always my call.

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 3:08 PM EST on theknot.com

CozyHeart13

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I don't know how well connected your FI's station is to the outside world and it sounds like he's having problems getting time for regular communication, which is totally understandable. Ask him to think about what is important to him, what is priorities are and send it in an email or letter back to you. For example, if you know he really wants a kick-a$$ photographer, but isn't so worried about videography, you'll know you can spend more budget on the photographer and ask a friend to video it and he won't be upset. If you know what's most important to him, you might be more comfortable making decisions without him physically standing by your side.

Also, I know some brides keep very detailed books with pictures and reviews and websites and every little wedding thing they've looked at during the planning process. While most guys don't care about that much detail, if there are decisions you aren't rushed to make and do want his opinion on, put together a little packet of some info from your top two or three contenders for those catagories. Example, most guys don't care too much about the invites - fonts, paper styles, colors and envelopes is all just stuff. Order some samples and include the pricing and your thoughts. Send the info in a care package with some goodies to snack on while he looks things over and then he just has to send a message back with his top picks. (Hey babe, miss you. I like the one with the blue swirls better than the blue birds, and they are cheaper so we can put that money toward the KEG!)

Anyway, just have fun with it and don't let it stress you out. Missing your FI is hard enough without letting details bog you down. Good luck!

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 5:03 PM EST on theknot.com

Tiddlywinkles

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In Response to Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!:

In Response to Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant! : I think this holds true for most guys. But yours may be an exception. Mine had opinions on the randomest stuff, but not on important things. Go figure.
Posted by LOLways

I know what you mean. My FI had no opinion on absolutely anything while I was planning, but out of the blue one day he told me his"vision" (he even used that word) for our wedding cake. And the kicker is that the man doesn't even like cake all that much!

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 5:09 PM EST on theknot.com

calindi

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In Response to Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!:

In Response to Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant! : I know what you mean. My FI had no opinion on absolutely anything while I was planning, but out of the blue one day he told me his"vision" (he even used that word) for our wedding cake. And the kicker is that the man doesn't even like cake all that much!
Posted by Tiddlywinkles

Mine describes it as Disney World. He's really excited to go, sure it will be a ton of fun, but he doesn't exactly want to build the sets and train the staff beforehand - that it would ruin the magic. So he's perfectly happy just showing up and having a good time. If I hated planning, I'd make him help, but I'm enjoying it and he doesn't so it works just fine for us.

I check the bigger things by him, but he honestly hasn't given me an opinion yet. Except that he wants USMC flag on the flagpole at our venue. Cool, whatever, that's easy.

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 5:19 PM EST on theknot.com

LOLways

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In Response to Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!:

In Response to Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant! : ... he told me his"vision" (he even used that word) for our wedding cake. And the kicker is that the man doesn't even like cake all that much!
Posted by Tiddlywinkles

This sounds like MH. I told him I thought favors were a waste of money and he lost his lunch a couple weeks afterwards, randomly.

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 7:33 PM EST on theknot.com

lilykaete

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we are waiting till 2015 to get married as well because my FI is in the Marines and is deployed for the next 2 and a half years. By the time he gets back it will be in the middle of my Masters program so we are waiting till a month after my graduation. As of right now, I am just getting themes together and saving money. He has his piggy bank for our house. And I have mine for our wedding.

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 8:44 PM EST on theknot.com

iluvmytxrgr

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In Response to Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!:

deployed for 2 1/2 years?

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 9:32 PM EST on theknot.com

bezelpup

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This is my FI's first wedding and he wanted it in New Orleans and wants a second line. He is actually very into planning, but might have sticker shock when he sees how much things cost! But honestly we can't have as nice of a wedding here in Ohio for the same price. We can have an average wedding with 75 guests here or awesome wedding with 40 guests there.

The important people say they are coming and we are only going to invite close friends and family. I think there will be some people who can't afford to come and some who will surprise us and accept because they will see it as a vacation.

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 10:27 PM EST on theknot.com

LOLways

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In Response to Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!:

We can have an average wedding with 75 guests here or awesome wedding with 40 guests there. The important people say they are coming and we are only going to invite close friends and family. I think there will be some people who can't afford to come and some who will surprise us and accept because they will see it as a vacation.
Posted by bezelpup

We were surprised at the number of my H's Ohio relatives/ friends/ family that showed up, just FYI. I can go look at our spreadsheets and give you a percent, but he thought it would be 25% and it turned out to be more. Lots of people hear "New Orleans" and decide to make a special trip out of it.

Also, we had "Hang on Sloopy" play at the wedding and the dance floor was packed, haha.

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 10:53 PM EST on theknot.com

bezelpup

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Hang on Sloppy is a must. If I can find a band who will play it they will get a big tip!

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Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!

posted at 2/6/2012 11:55 PM EST on theknot.com

WishIcouldbeint...

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In Response to Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant!:

In Response to Re: Planning a wedding while he's deployed rant! : deployed for 2 1/2 years?
Posted by iluvmytxrgr

Maybe he's in Oki. Sometimes they call that deployed (though I wouldn't), but not usually when they're permanent party.

I've seen a lot of military surprise homecomings. It wouldn't work on me. I always have my back to the corner and my face to the door. Looking for terrorists, criminals, various other threats, and husbands.

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