Asking for bridesmaids

Patriot0107 · April 2011

Hello ladies, (sorry if this is kinda long..just need someone to talk to)

I have a question here....how and when did you ask your bridesmaids to be your bridesmaids? I never said anything to anyone cause I had an original set of people in my mind and I don't feel two of them are going to work out because of tooo much going on in their lives and I was worried about them being dependable. So I have four girls lined up. One is a friend of mine but we don't really see each other too much. She lives about an hour away and her an her hubby have 2 kids so it's hard for us to get together between her schedule and mine so we aren't as close as we used to be. Another girl I was going to ask is best friends with this girl and she and I used to be best friends in grade school. We've know each other for years but don't really hang out but figured it would be good since her and the bridesmaid I just mentioned are pretty close and maybe we can all rebond. The other two girls are my future sister in laws. One of them lives somewhat close and the other lives out of state. We get along and the one out of state has been really helpful with wedding info since her and my FI's brother just got married almost 2 years ago. I guess what is boils down too is I don't really have many close friends and FI has plenty of family and neighbors to ask for groomsmen and I'm trying to find people to pair them up with. Will these girls think I'm strange for asking them to be in the wedding? I'm so scared to ask and they look at me like...ummm right. Personally I'd be more than happy to have these girls in my wedding and I just don't want to ask and have them look at me like "ok, why are you asking me?" And when I do ask them, how do I go about it...can I call them and ask, wait to the next time I see them, is there an ediquette for this? Is there a time limit (getting married in Oct 12)? Sorry this was so long and this is kind of a dumb thing but just looking for some advice...I don't know how to go about this stuff. Thanks for any help/opinions you can send!

Heath66 · April 2011

Yayyy Pittsburgh date twin!

I don't think anyone will think "Why is she asking me to be a bridesmaid." Being a bridesmaid is such a great honor that your girlfriends will be very excited to be asked. I think that asking your FSILs to be in your BP is very nice of you (I am not that nice, FSIL will not be in my BP, there is a past.)

I asked my girls to be my BM's last month but that is because I was 100% sure about them. I have known my MOH for 20 years and the other two girls I asked I have known them for 10 years. All 4 of us are best friends. In your case I would wait a little bit longer just so you are sure. If you really want to you can even wait until this time next year, 6 months is enough time.

acwm · April 2011

We're on a little bit of a sticking point for our WP (FI has a huge family and wants them all involved), so we're waiting about 6-8 months to ask anyone as we figure out what to do with anything. I have a few very long-time friends that I know I want involved, but we want to ask everyone at about the same time, so we're holding off while we work on the puzzle that is the WP, or get rid of the WP altogether, if it gets too hard.

As for how to ask-- you can just call and ask, that's totally fine! Some people do cute things like making little cards or sending them something in the mail. There are some cute ideas on how to ask your WP around this site!

Patriot0107 · April 2011

Thanks for getting back...I'm interested as to what other people have to say. Maybe I will wait. I was going to see 2 of them this weekend and was going to ask, but maybe I will wait....might be best. Yeah, nice wedding date

I was thinking well with 13, sometimes our anniversary will fall on Friday the 13th

I'm a halloween freak but doing a fall rustic with hints of halloween

I LOVE your theme and think that will be bad ass

You'll have to post your pics/ideas as you go...I'm interested to see what ya do

Patriot0107 · April 2011

thanks acwn...

yeah, see I have the same problem. FI has 2 brothers and family neighbors and cousins he can ask. I don't have any sisters....my cousins and I are not really close at all anymore and I don't have many close friends due to locations and lifestyles. I have a younger brother and he's going to be my Man of Honor. I wouldn't have it any other way

I've seen people saying they don't have to match but I think it would look very strange with some guys on Fi's side, my bro on my side and that's it. I kinda want to pair them off with people. My three little girls (dogs) will be in the wedding too and my mom makes dog clothes so their dresses will match the bridesmaids as much as possible! Just don't know how the guys would like escorting my sweet little fo fo girls in dresses (I think they much rather be with a human girl) ...lol....the kids will be helping out in that aspect

jackiebean26 · April 2011

i already asked my BMs i know they will all be dependable (as they all have been in the past) i honestly didnt even question it and just asked them!

irisheyezrsmilen · April 2011

My FI has alot more close friends then i do also so i was alil worried at first too. but we were able to easily come up with who we wanted for the BP we kept it small only asking our closest friends and family.
if you are uncertain about asking anyone i would wait till you are 100% sure. its better to be safe and happy about your choice then wanting to kick someone out in the long run. distance isn't going to be a prob at all so don't let that stress you out. your girls will be there for you as much as they can, even if it is just a phone call away. im sure none of your girls will second guess or ask why when you ask them tho but if you are having second thoughts then wait til you are certain. and if worse comes to worse its totally ok to have uneven BM to GM's just be sure they people you choose are really the people you want.

good luck

Heath66 · April 2011

I forgot to answer you question on how to ask them.

I made all three of them a tissue paper bouquet and a card with a Disney princess on the front and a poem inside asking them to be my BM/MOH. I had them all come over to my apartment and I set each bouquet next to their card along with a glass of champagne. I don't have pictures of the actual bouquets on this computer but here is my inspiration.

how to - http://foldingtrees.com/2008/08/flower-week-tissue-paper-carnations/

Heath66 · April 2011

WHOA that picture came out BIGGGGGG!!!!! Sorry guys!

sam+billy · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_asking-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:badd1539-d722-404e-8d0b-fd0094368621Post:e86a12cc-95b3-4f5b-a3e2-3753ee861b39">Re: Asking for bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE] I was thinking well with 13, sometimes our anniversary will fall on Friday the 13th :)Posted by Patriot0107[/QUOTE]

THIS is the exact reason I also picked the 13th ♥

I love it! Also, my grandpa who passed away a few years ago was born on the 13th and he always said " since everybody else gets bad luck on the 13th they send all their good luck my way" and I am hoping with that as our wedding date it will work :)

Heath66 · April 2011

Patriot & Sam- We were tossing around a few dates at first, the 13th being one of them. I was telling my boss this and she mentioned the Friday the 13th thing. When I told FI he got so excited and yelled "Ok that's it we are getting married on the 13th." Both of us are huge Halloween nuts!

MrsMack10612 · April 2011

I committed the faux pas of asking each of them as soon as soon as I got engaged - a year and a half ago. Because you can be/are unsure - its generally recommended you wait until 6-9 months prior to the wedding to ask them.

They are my five best girlfriends (one whom is my sister). I just called them all up and said OMG! He proposed wanna be a BM/MOH?

I'm not sure what you mean by dependable - all your BMs HAVE to do is get the dress & show up. If they OFFER to help with other things - fantastic. Them living far from you shouldn't be a factor, nor how frequently you talk to them. I'm lucking if I see them every couple months but we can always pick up right where we left off. One of them lives way out of state, so I only see her about once a year.

The girls you ask to stand up with you should be the ones you call at 3am to bail you out of jail - your nearest and dearest. Also don't worry about having even sides (I gathered this from your comment about the quantity of folks you FI has to choose from it was a concern).

ETA: If you love Halloween - you'll need to come visit my town in October - Salem MA total rocks it out - ALL MONTH LONG!

Patriot0107 · April 2011

thank you so much girls..lol! Yinz have all been a big help

The girls with the Friday the 13th thing going on...hells yeah! My thoughts exactly

I think it will be cool too

I can't think of anyone else I would want or could ask so I'm at least going to ask two of my bridesmaids this weekend since we will all be together. Yinz made me feel a lot better about it and I think they will be excited about it! KJHowd, I will have to check out Salem MA once the wedding is over. I love the whole Halloween celebration and I would lke to get into some more ghost hunting expeditions. We did one around here (I got it for FI's Chirstmas gift) and it was awesome! After wedding...more time to focus on Halloween projects and ghost hunting

Awesome to hear from all of you and your advice is greatly appreciated!

KristenJF106 · April 2011

I feel so bad now, I didn't do anything special when I asked! We have already asked everybody, but we are having a smaller party. His are all friends, 2 he has known since he was about 10 years old, and the other 2 are his friends from the National Guard, which he knew he wanted. And my MOH has been my best friend since we were 5, one is his super close cousin, one is my super close cousin, and the other has been my other best friend for almost 3 years. His ringbearer is his 5 year old brother, and the flower girl is his daughter. We have been thinking of adding and extra BM and GM so that his other cousin (who is quickly becoming a really close friend of mine) can be in the wedding, but we are struggling with thinking of an extra guy. But otherwise we have already asked everybody, and they were all super excited!

nataliet02 · April 2011

If you feel a lot of pressure then wait to ask them. I am having a small BP and it was easy for me. My sister is my MOH and she knew about it more than a year before he proposed (I knew it was going to be her for the longest time) as for the the other BM I personally asked her and she is my FSIL. So don't rush if you don't feel comfortable.

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