Bridesmaid issue

Dawg0519 · December 2011

What would you do if you sibling is to be your only attendant (because of having a small wedding) and have not had any luck with a dress? By that I mean finding one and ordering it? Sibling is a plus size so design has been a factor. Dresses have been narrowed down to 3 but no dress ordered and no communication as to why she hasn't ordered one yet. Would you say thanks, but no thanks for being matron of honor or give a little more time? Wedding is 6 months away and will be in a different state than bride and attendant. HELP!

mbcdefg · December 2011

Six months is a ridiculously large amount of time to find a dress, either from a bridal shop or from the racks at a department store. Chill out.

No, I would not tell my sister that she could not be my MOH because she had not ordered a dress six months in advance. And if she was my only attendant and wasn't jumping to order any of the three dresses I'd picked out for her, then I'd say, "Just make sure you show up at the wedding in a [color, length] dress that's suitable for the occasion."

Really, if she is your only attendant then it's absolutely not worth the hassle of ordering a dress six months in advance. Just give her a few guidelines and let her find one on her own.

froggatt.clare · December 2011

If she is the only attendant, might it make sense to give her guidelines regarding color and length and allow her to find a dress that works for her? If this is the case, she only needs to get the dress 1-2 months out to allow time to get it altered.

em01092 · December 2011

Why not just pick a color, designer, length, and maybe a fabric, and let your MOH pick her own style? Did you ask her for her budget before choosing a dress? Maybe she cannot afford the ones you chose?

What is the last possible day she can order the dress in order to insure it is in on time? Tell her that date, and leave it up to her to get it. If she doesn't get her dress, provided you disucssed budgets, then she has removed herself from the WP. No need to replace her. Having a MOH/BMs is not required.

graysquirrel · December 2011

If I can understand, you are thinking that you might kick your sister out for not ordering her dress yet? Please don't do that. Give her a little slack and understanding on this. There could be lots of legitimate reasons for her not ordering yet. I'd simply ask her where she is at with her dress selection and see what she says. Perhaps she feels uncomfortable with all 3 or needs time to save money. Ask the store you are buying from how long it will take, make sure she knows the timeline and that she will need time for alterations, and let her decide how to handle it. If she does not buy the dress, she takes herself out and you don't end up crushing her by telling her to leave.

MyNameIsNot · December 2011

I would say "sis, having you stand up next to me is so much more important than a dress. I want you to be happy and comfortable. I'd prefer that you wear a long dress in navy, but if you can't find one you like, I'd rather you be next to me in a paper sack than not, so figure out what you do."

People are always more important than dresses.

orawah878 · December 2011

Although I do think it's a little selfish to insist on a specific dress when there's only one bridesmaid, I'll play along. What about as a compromise paying for a piece of fabric to be sewn into the bust, preventing any spillage?

RaptorSLH · December 2011

[QUOTE] Sibling is a plus size so design has been a factor. Dresses have been narrowed down to 3 but no dress ordered and <strong>no communication</strong> as to why she hasn't ordered one yet. [/QUOTE]

<div>This is the problem, but fortunately, communication goes two ways. Ask her (privately) if you need to keep looking for different dresses, and if so, what changes she'd like to look for? The two obvious possibilities are budget and shape. You say it was narrowed down, but where they your favorites in pictures, or her favorites based on her body? Did you ask what her budget was before starting the search?</div><div>
</div><div>If she says the choices are fine, just give her the deadline for ordering, and just let it rest. Don't make her rush if there's no need for it. And if you need help finding dress ideas, the girls on the plus-sized board love that sort of hunt. :)</div>

msuprincess04 · December 2011

If you only have one attendant, go to a department store. So much more selection and much easier to get on time and return if it doesn't work out.

kaitlyn&henry · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-issue-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6a42d4f9-d41d-4e4d-9176-759420585f2cPost:f2853950-0085-417b-acc2-1606e492fa71">Re: Bridesmaid issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Although I do think it's a little selfish to insist on a specific dress when there's only one bridesmaid, I'll play along. What about as a compromise paying for a piece of fabric to be sewn into the bust, preventing any spillage?
Posted by orawah878[/QUOTE]

I do not think its selfish...the only job of a BM is to order a dress and show up clean and sober...whether it only be a one person bridal party or multiple its one of the things that is ok for the bride to choose. I can see being understanding and commnunicating about it rather than being a dictator and not taking into consideration her feelings and comfort...but i dont see anything wrong with her saying she wants certain guidelines to buy a dress. In this case she just has more wiggle room since its only one girl as opposed to multiple.

anyway OP...6 months is still plenty of time so try not to stress. If it gets closer to the wedding and still no dress, just give her a FINAL date to buy a dress. But dont kick her out now...that would just be really ugly and unneeded drama.

jemmini6 · December 2011

So let me get this straight...you are willing to kick your only sister out of the only position of honor you have because she hasn't ordered a dress yet with 6 months still to go?? Does that sound ridiculous to you? Because it sure does to me.

It's your sister for crying out loud, yet you find her having a stupid dress 6 MONTHS in advance more important than your relationship with her? My BMs didn't buy their dresses until about 3 or 4 months out (they were off the rack from JC Penny) and the only reason they even bought them that early is because they were really cheap on a final clearance ($35 down from $90).

Since you are only having one person, this should be even easier and take even less time. In this case, I definitely agree with giving her a color and length and letting her pick something she's comfortable in (and comfortable spending) and call it a day. She's an adult, I'm sure she can figure out how to get a dress in time for your wedding...

cmillergo · December 2011

as a plus size woman my advice would be take time to sit down and talk just you and her. She might have some problems about the dresses and is afraid to tell you.I've worn a couple of bm dresses that made me feel awkward. You two should go shopping together for a dress and talk aboout how she feels in them. The best fit for plus size is a line or empire. P.S. to the BM a great body shaper does amazing things

marinabreeze · December 2011

I think that you shouldn't panic at this point, and you really should even think about kicking your sister out of your wedding because she hasn't gotten her dress yet. Six months is still more than plenty of time to order a BM dress.

FWIW, I gave my BP who were all of different body shapes - my MOH and one BM plus-sized and the other BM on the upper level of misses size - a color, length, and material and they chose within that. I didn't bother them about it, and they all choose their dresses. My younger sister, who was my MOH, was the last to get her dress, and she did have issues with finding a dress she liked. I did give her a little more leeway since she was the MOH. She didn't say anything else about the dress and while I admit I was a little anxious about it, I didn't bother her about it. She ordered it two months before my summer wedding. Everything turned out fine.

You have one bridal attendant, so that should make things a little easier, since you're coordinating her dress with your colors (and maybe with your dress), but not with other BMs. It may be best to give her a few parameters (similar to what I did for my BMs), and then leave her to her devices. If you have a particular designer you want her to go with, then find out when the drop-dead date to order the dress is and let her know, and then leave it alone. Most people, even those of us who are plus-sized, have an idea as to what we're comfortable in and what is flattering to us.

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