Special Topic Wedding Boards
Cat:Special Topic Wedding Boards
Bridesmaid Issue - Fiance's Sisters
Moms and Maids
Bridesmaid Issue - Fiance's Sisters
Is a family member or your BFF getting married? Get and give advice here.
Ok here is my issue. My fiance has three sisters, ages 26, 23, and 13. The oldest is his full sister, the two others are half sisters. I see two of them every few months or so when we travel to s
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Moms and Maids
Bridesmaid Issue - Fiance's Sisters
Is a family member or your BFF getting married? Get and give advice here.
Ok here is my issue. My fiance has three sisters, ages 26, 23, and 13. The oldest is his full sister, the two others are half sisters. I see two of them every few months or so when we travel to s
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Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357
Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:dfc1103f-368f-4d75-9032-baf0e50fe57b
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Bridesmaid Issue - Fiance's Sisters
posted at 1/30/2012 1:55 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
07-14-2009
PITTSBURGH 8144831864799425
Posts: 7
First: 1/10/2012
Last: 5/24/2012
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Ok here is my issue. My fiance has three sisters, ages 26, 23, and 13. The oldest is his full sister, the two others are half sisters. I see two of them every few months or so when we travel to see his family. I feel that if I ask one of them to be a bridesmaids I need to ask all three, or at least the two older ones. He is planning on asking my brother (my only brother), who he sees much more often because we live near my family.
But, my fiance doesn't want a big bridal party nor do I. If I ask his sisters, plus my two cousins (whom I'm close with), my sister-in-law and my MOH, that would be 6 or 7 depending on the youngest sister. I ran everything by him, and he said he was ok with not having his sisters in the bridal party. I thought I would incorporate them in the ceremony though for sure.
Well yesterday he gets a call from his mom to let him know his oldest sister is really hurt that she wasn't in the wedding. So now I'm dealing with an upset sister and his mother. I understand their frustration, but I don't know what to do! I've repeatedly told my fiance we can make the party bigger if he wants. But he said he doesn't want to, and to just not worry about it. But how do you go into this knowing you've already alienated and hurt at least two people that are really important!!!! I want everyone to be happy, and enjoy the day!
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Re: Bridesmaid Issue - Fiance's Sisters
posted at 1/30/2012 2:02 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
01-04-2011
SOUTH JERSEY 4098297642516887
Posts: 949
First: 4/25/2011
Last: 5/24/2012
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You should have your nearest and dearest standing next to you on your wedding day. You said you only see the sisters every few months. Do you talk to them on the phone in between visits? It doesn't seem that you are close with the sisters, so I wouldn't worry about asking them to be BMs.
It is sad that the sister is upset about not being asked. But they should never have said anything to you or FI about it. Perhaps ask the sisters to participate in the ceremony somehow. Not with a bum job like handing out programs, but maybe all 3 sisters could read a poem together, each reading a different portion.
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Re: Bridesmaid Issue - Fiance's Sisters
posted at 1/30/2012 2:21 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
08-11-2011
BALTIMORE 6360486966543243
Posts: 568
First: 9/1/2011
Last: 5/23/2012
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OliveOil has a good idea, and make sure FI chats with his mom about this a bit as well.
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Re: Bridesmaid Issue - Fiance's Sisters
posted at 1/30/2012 3:09 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
06-09-2010
LONG ISLAND 7694117049461063
Posts: 3294
First: 8/23/2011
Last: 5/24/2012
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Also just wanted to chime in to point out that FI's sisters can always be on his side - there's nothing wrong with him having them as "groomswomen" if it was important for him that they be included. It seems like they don't qualify as "nearest and dearest" for either of you, so it wasn't wrong not to choose them. You could always include them as readers at the ceremony, or maybe they'd like to give a toast during the reception? Those are both meaningful ways to include them without adding to the bridal party.
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Re: Bridesmaid Issue - Fiance's Sisters
posted at 1/30/2012 5:04 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
01-01-2011
DALLAS-FORT WORTH 9425295100437384
Posts: 29
First: 1/25/2011
Last: 2/23/2012
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Make them feel special by including them in other parts of the ceremony. Give each of them a verse, quote, or some other special reading. If one of them is musically inclined, have her sing or play an instrument. I also like the idea of having them on your FI's side. My FI's best man is a woman, so there is nothing wrong with females backing up the grooms.
Bottom line, you should only pick those closest to you as your BMs, they will be the ones there when the sh*t hits the fan. The last thing you need in your BP is people who won't support or understand you when something goes wrong (and it will, trust me).
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Re: Bridesmaid Issue - Fiance's Sisters
posted at 1/30/2012 5:06 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
01-14-2003
MAINE 936555625008106
Posts: 268
First: 5/8/2011
Last: 4/30/2012
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you ask whoever YOU want to ask to be your bridesmaids. the wedding is not about your FIs sisters. just do what makes you happy. they will deal. i had this same issue and after FIs sister realized she wasn't in the wedding she was rude and whiny. so glad i didn't ask her now.
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Re: Bridesmaid Issue - Fiance's Sisters
posted at 1/30/2012 5:56 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
07-14-2009
PITTSBURGH 8144831864799425
Posts: 7
First: 1/10/2012
Last: 5/24/2012
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thanks so much everyone - great advice! I have to remember through this entire time... there's going to be no pleasing everyone. These posts make me feel better about the decision to keep it small and just have those closest be the BMs!
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