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Can I omit my cousin from my bridesmaid lineup?
Moms and Maids
Can I omit my cousin from my bridesmaid lineup?
Is a family member or your BFF getting married? Get and give advice here.
I'm really torn on this: my cousin Jen got married a few years ago and I wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid - we grew up together and were always really close, so I was surprised and a little hurt when I
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Moms and Maids
Can I omit my cousin from my bridesmaid lineup?
Is a family member or your BFF getting married? Get and give advice here.
I'm really torn on this: my cousin Jen got married a few years ago and I wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid - we grew up together and were always really close, so I was surprised and a little hurt when I
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Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357
Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:95910c1e-2040-4aff-b9a4-d70942839114
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Can I omit my cousin from my bridesmaid lineup?
posted at 2/6/2012 7:08 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
02-24-2009
MINNEAPOLIS-ST. PAUL 8423711012917776
Posts: 2
First: 2/6/2012
Last: 2/6/2012
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I'm really torn on this: my cousin Jen got married a few years ago and I wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid - we grew up together and were always really close, so I was surprised and a little hurt when I wasn't asked (or even given an explanation). I thought maybe it was because I had gone away to college and she thought it would be too hard to coordinate with a far-away bridesmaid - but two of her maids were previous neighbors that she hadn't seen in years and had moved far away themselves! No one has ever offered an explanation and I've never brought it up because once I got over the initial "seriously, she didn't ask me?" I didn't really care.
Now I'm getting married and I'm on the fence about asking Jen to be a bridesmaid. I already have six girls I want to ask, with two others on the 'backup list'; one of those girls is my other cousin, Jen's sister. Leaving her out is not an option.
I realize I could include Jen and just have seven bridesmaids, but I think a 16-person wedding party is overkill. I don't know how much family drama it would cause, but since her wedding Jen has been diagnosed with clinical depression and I don't want to rock the boat and send her spiraling into an episode or something. I don't feel vindictive toward her at all - I'm just kind of already maxed out on maids, and we aren't that close any more! Thoughts?
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Re: Can I omit my cousin from my bridesmaid lineup?
posted at 2/6/2012 7:33 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
07-18-2011
NORTHERN CALIFORNIA 7723466210473189
Posts: 2277
First: 7/22/2011
Last: 5/24/2012
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Unless you're a very awful person, and you certainly don't sound that way, Jen's mental illness is not your fault or your worry any more than a bodily illness would be. So don't let that factor into your decision. [If she had like, arthritis, wouldn't you not let it affect your decision, though you'd be understanding if it led her to decline or to miss events?]
Next, why she didn't ask you to be a bridesmaid is not your worry, either. Maybe it had to do with perceptions about your relationship ("We're not that close anymore") or perceptions about you ("She's too busy with her new job") or she wanted a small party, or who knows? Her perceptions could be real or imagined, true or false, but you can't know what was in her head, and it's rude to ask, so let that go.
So, do you want Jen standing beside you on your wedding day, or do you want her smiling up at you? That's really the only factor you have to consider.
FWIW, I think I'm having a pretty big wedding, at around 150 people, but we're only having 2 attendants on each side.
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Re: Can I omit my cousin from my bridesmaid lineup?
posted at 2/6/2012 7:35 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
08-14-2010
PITTSBURGH 7873174069018669
Posts: 18399
First: 8/16/2010
Last: 5/24/2012
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In Response to Can I omit my cousin from my bridesmaid lineup?:
I'm really torn on this: my cousin Jen got married a few years ago and I wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid - we grew up together and were always really close, so I was surprised and a little hurt when I wasn't asked (or even given an explanation). I thought maybe it was because I had gone away to college and she thought it would be too hard to coordinate with a far-away bridesmaid - but two of her maids were previous neighbors that she hadn't seen in years and had moved far away themselves! No one has ever offered an explanation and I've never brought it up because once I got over the initial "seriously, she didn't ask me?" I didn't really care. Now I'm getting married and I'm on the fence about asking Jen to be a bridesmaid. I already have six girls I want to ask, with two others on the 'backup list'; one of those girls is my other cousin, Jen's sister. Leaving her out is not an option. I realize I could include Jen and just have seven bridesmaids, but I think a 16-person wedding party is overkill. I don't know how much family drama it would cause, but since her wedding Jen has been diagnosed with clinical depression and I don't want to rock the boat and send her spiraling into an episode or something. I don't feel vindictive toward her at all - I'm just kind of already maxed out on maids, and we aren't that close any more! Thoughts?
Posted by blairblair
I'm assuming you have a "backup list" in case you need even sides. Uneven sides don't matter.
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Re: Can I omit my cousin from my bridesmaid lineup?
posted at 2/6/2012 9:08 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
08-25-2004
LANSING 120571125008576
Posts: 3354
First: 7/20/2009
Last: 5/24/2012
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Your wedding is WAY too far out to be asking anyone to be in your wedding. I would wait til the holidays since you aren't getting married til Fall 2013.
As far as asking her or not - ask her based on relationship and do you want her in the BP, do not ask because she is depressed and you are worried about how she will feel about it.
Please please please go thru this board and the wedding party board and look at how many brides want to fire a BM because they have "grown apart".
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Re: Can I omit my cousin from my bridesmaid lineup?
posted at 2/6/2012 9:47 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
06-04-2010
COLORADO 8384112086677880
Posts: 8980
First: 6/4/2010
Last: 5/21/2012
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In Response to Re: Can I omit my cousin from my bridesmaid lineup?:
Your wedding is WAY too far out to be asking anyone to be in your wedding. I would wait til the holidays since you aren't getting married til Fall 2013. As far as asking her or not - ask her based on relationship and do you want her in the BP, do not ask because she is depressed and you are worried about how she will feel about it. Please please please go thru this board and the wedding party board and look at how many brides want to fire a BM because they have "grown apart".
Posted by kmmssg
So true. I don't understand why you need so many bridesmaids. Even you are calling it a "line up"! Princess Kate didn't have that many! Don't do ANYTHING about this until next year!
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My baby girl is married!
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Re: Can I omit my cousin from my bridesmaid lineup?
posted at 2/6/2012 9:51 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
08-11-2011
PHOENIX 5841486896315319
Posts: 1334
First: 8/11/2011
Last: 5/17/2012
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Don't ask anyone for a while. You're not obligated to include her.
You weren't owed an explanation for not being in her bridal party. There's no nice way to tell someone they didn't make the cut. Her not saying anything was the kind thing to do.
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Re: Can I omit my cousin from my bridesmaid lineup?
posted at 2/7/2012 8:28 AM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
08-20-2003
BOSTON 117307750003906
Posts: 3218
First: 7/22/2009
Last: 5/23/2012
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A back-up list?
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fiancee = vag ** fiance = peen
** Babies shouldn't be born with jobs **
**They're called first loves for a reason -- more are supposed to come after. You don't get a medal for marrying your prom date. Unless you're imoan. Then you get an all-expenses paid cruise to the Mediterranean and you get to meet Jared Padalecki on the flight over while wearing your jammies. But still no medal. **
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Re: Can I omit my cousin from my bridesmaid lineup?
posted at 2/7/2012 3:16 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
01-14-2008
COLORADO 8723359184523906
Posts: 756
First: 7/22/2009
Last: 2/7/2012
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I agree with the others. PLEASE WAIT. Next year at this time you will be much clearer on who you REALLY want standing up with you (and it might not be 7). Heck, even your wedding ideas can change in that long of a time.
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Re: Can I omit my cousin from my bridesmaid lineup?
posted at 2/7/2012 3:48 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
08-11-2011
BALTIMORE 6360486966543243
Posts: 568
First: 9/1/2011
Last: 5/23/2012
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Yes, please explain what a back up list is?
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