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Friends are assuming...

Moms and Maids

Friends are assuming...

Is a family member or your BFF getting married? Get and give advice here.

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Moms and Maids

Friends are assuming...

Is a family member or your BFF getting married? Get and give advice here.

Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357

Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:829e2e37-37e9-47d9-9e31-054339cbd34e

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Forums > Special Topic Wedding Boards > Moms and Maids > Friends are assuming...

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Friends are assuming...

posted at 2/5/2012 10:08 AM EST on theknot.com

rogue13x

Joined on
12-22-2011
BATON ROUGE

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Posts: 4

First: 1/29/2012

Last: 2/5/2012

I am desperately trying to keep my bridal party numbers down because of the theme/feel of my wedding, but because I've moved around a lot in my life local friends are forgetting about my life long friends and assuming their in the wedding party. And although everyone agrees (my family, in-laws, friends), I'm not sure how/when to approach the subject of "um...you're not a bridesmaid." To complicate the situation, one of these girls is my fiance's cousin and the other a long time family friend.

Penny for your thought.
:/

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Re: Friends are assuming...

posted at 2/5/2012 10:12 AM EST on theknot.com

edielaura

Joined on
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PITTSBURGH

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Last: 5/24/2012

In Response to Friends are assuming...:

I am desperately trying to keep my bridal party numbers down because of the theme/feel of my wedding, but because I've moved around a lot in my life local friends are forgetting about my life long friends and assuming their in the wedding party. And although everyone agrees (my family, in-laws, friends), I'm not sure how/when to approach the subject of "um...you're not a bridesmaid." To complicate the situation, one of these girls is my fiance's cousin and the other a long time family friend. Penny for your thought. :/
Posted by rogue13x

Don't tell anyone they're not a bridesmaid. Just say, "Oh, I haven't thought that far ahead", or "I'm trying to keep it small so it's just Sally and Jane."

I am "deaf-initely" one of a kind.
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Re: Friends are assuming...

posted at 2/5/2012 1:11 PM EST on theknot.com

RetreadBride

Joined on
12-19-2005
NORTH CAROLINA

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First: 7/20/2009

Last: 5/24/2012

What the previous person said.

They're being rude, so etiquette protects you here. Quietly select those you wish, and if anyone is so rude as to inquire, smile and say, "We couldn't ask everyone we would have liked, or we wouldn't have guests. We've already selected the wedding party, but wouldn't dream of not having you there, and look forward to seeing you as a guest."

Then change the subject. Do not let yourself be guilted.

"I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."

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Re: Friends are assuming...

posted at 2/5/2012 2:03 PM EST on theknot.com

CFM102012

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COLUMBUS

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If your profile info is correct (2015) you have loads of time. Please, please don't actually ask anyone until (a most) 9-12 months before the wedding. If you skim posts on here, the wedding party board or the etiquette board you'll see that everyday people are asking how to fire a BM because they asked the girl and a year later the relationship has changed.

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Re: Friends are assuming...

posted at 2/5/2012 3:47 PM EST on theknot.com

edielaura

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Ditto CFM on the date and asking people thing.

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Re: Friends are assuming...

posted at 2/5/2012 10:42 PM EST on theknot.com

Hilraythebride

Joined on
08-15-2011
VIRGINIA

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First: 11/1/2011

Last: 5/19/2012

Don't ask anyone until 6-8 months in advance, it only complicates things if relationships change. Read more of this board and the wedding party board and you will see what can happen if you make the mistake of asking too early.

Since there is nothing for them to do or plan at this point it shouldn't be a big deal, just tell the girls who are rudely (IMO) asking about it that you are waiting until way closer to the wedding.

"A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime"

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Re: Friends are assuming...

posted at 2/6/2012 11:26 AM EST on theknot.com

graysquirrel

Joined on
02-21-2010
MINNEAPOLIS-ST. PAUL

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First: 4/6/2010

Last: 5/10/2012

I agree that if your wedding isn't till 2015, please wait to pick! Relationships can change SO fast. I have had friends that were BMs in each other's weddings one day and then enemies the next. You will save yourself so much trouble and possible heartache if you wait till you are at least a year out to ask anyone.

In the meantime, you can give vague excuses like "I'm just enjoying being engaged" or "we have not thought that far ahead" or "we are keeping it small", etc. If your friends get really nosy or too excited about being BMs when they are not, change the subject. They should get the hint that you don't want to talk about it. Whatever you do, I'd advise against explaining to people why they were not chosen. They might be disappointed as is; explanations usually just make things worse.

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Re: Friends are assuming...

posted at 2/6/2012 3:31 PM EST on theknot.com

ewest7

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COLORADO

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Last: 2/15/2012

I had this same problem with my friends. But I just politely said that I'm only having my sisters be bridesmaids and no friends cause I don't want to cause rifts in friendships. And they all understood :) As PP have said if they ask tell them you haven't choosen yet and change the subject, I think that is the best way to handle this situation. Good Luck!

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Re: Friends are assuming...

posted at 2/6/2012 3:59 PM EST on theknot.com

cmjurkiewicz

Joined on
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MILWAUKEE

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Last: 2/10/2012

I had a girl text me the day I got engaged saying "Congrats! I better be a bridesmaid!" and bring it up several times after - and we're actually quite close, but she's not in the wedding because like you I want small numbers. I never said yes or no to her - it is no one's business but yours who you have in your wedding. A lot of your friends might even be glad they don't have the pressure and expense of being asked to be a bridesmaid! Just because you don't have them in your wedding doesn't mean you don't cherish them.