MOG, Excited, Yet Depressed - Need Advice!

Re: MOG, Excited, Yet Depressed - Need Advice!

• yoko2011 member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  First, you have much to be proud of - you have a son who's marrying a girl you adore and you both seem to get along - and you've lost 30 lbs. Not an easy feat on both counts. You may lose more before the fall (I think you will - you sound determined!) but if you don't - it's OK. From your post, you have a lot more pressing things on your plate but it is only natural to want to look your best.  
  
  As far as getting dressed up: I don't know if I would wait until a few days before the wedding, perhaps start looking the month before in case you see something you like. Or start looking so you have a sense of size, what you like, etc. If you didn't want to do a dress, what about a nice pant suit or pants with a fancy top? Stores - check out Goodwill - there are lots of great finds at reasonable prices - including formal dresses/pants that is modern. Girls on these boards talk about finding their dress and bp dresses so why not check for a MOG dress. Dress for Success, Walmart/Target, Sears, TJ Maxx/Marshalls, Pennys sometimes Macys has a steal with coupons and a sale. It may take some digging but I'm sure you can find something for 50. It's not like anyone is going to know if you're wearing designer x or something else. Shoes: Goodwill, Walmart, Payless, discount stores.
  
  Make up: you don't have to wear makeup. But if you want to, you can always go to the drug store - the Sunday paper usually has coupons and you can pick up some pressed powder and a lipstick. You don't have to get professionally done up. And as far as your hair, you can start practicing how'd you like to do it.I I.e. a pony tail, down, etc. Again, I don't think you need to get it done. I actually was in a wedding where the MOB paid to get it done, hated it and an hour before the we left for the church did it herself.
  
  Sorry this is so long, I hope this helps! Good luck on all fronts!
  

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• MatronOfHonor7311

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  I would say make yourself feel pretty long before the wedding. Go get your hair done. Buy a cute new outfit (no sweats!), try out some make-up! As a stay at home mom I know how easy it is to fall into a rut with the comfy clothes, nothing done to myself. I always feel more confident when I give my appearance a bit more effort.

  

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• rAinyDayZ3

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  
  @ yoko2011:  Thank you for your kind words and suggestions.  When she emailed me back after I told her how I was upset, my FDIL actually took the time to do some searching and found this: 
  
  http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=481365&CategoryID=37038&LinkType=#fn=sp%3D2%26spc%3D281
  
  As she knew I would be more comfy in pants.  Which, I actually like, except the top, anything that doesn't go down to my knees to cover my butt and thighs won't look right on me. 
  
  Then, of course, I looked on Macy's a little bit more and found this:
  
  http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=522261&CategoryID=37038&LinkType=PDPZ1
  
  Which I absolutely LOVE.  Ironically, it's the exact type of dress I USE to wear when I was younger, worked in offices, dressed up, etc.  Plus, it has a jacket to cover the flabby arms.  But the price?  OMG.... that was depressing.  Even if it wasn't the price, it's the same color as what the MOB is wearing.  Which is okay, because I prefer Black, Hunter green, Rust, Browns.  Bright colors really look bad on me.  But the cost, oh dear, I cannot justify spending this much on something I am only wearing one time.  My DH and I never go out to fancy places.  "Fancy" around here is a button down shirt & a pair of pants that doesn't have holes in them.  Plus, with DH on unemployment, possibly losing this house, well, I just can't afford it.  (thankfully, my mom & dad will be helping with the cost of the RD and it is a simply BBQ RD)
  
  So, back to the drawing board...
  
  I guess I'm just having a pity party.  The only person I have to go shopping with is my husband.  (ha)  and my own mom - she is across the country.  No, really, that' is 100% the truth.  I am extremely introverted "in real life".  If my own MIL wasn't on the other side of the country also, I'd ask her to sew me something!  She's a beautiful seamstress, and would help me find fabrics & patterns, do sizing, etc to help me look okay.
  
  Thank you again Yoko
  
  
  

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• rAinyDayZ3

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  @ MatronofHonor:  As I originally said, with my DH's unemployment (finding a job over 50 is very difficult in his field), and our finances, spending extra $$'ss on getting my hair done or buying something new is out of the question at this time.  I haven't gotten my hair done in years!  My DH usually just grabs the scissors for me and cuts it straight across the bottom in the back, where I can't reach. 
  
  I actually do own a curling iron.  LOL.  Do they still make AquaNet Extra Super Hold hair spray?  *Laugh*.  I use to use a can of that stuff to try and hold curls - nope, never worked.  It would still fall flat in an hour or so.  That's why I just started wearing it long enough to pull back in a ponytail and out of my face.  I hate hair in my face.  And I really hate short hair on me. 
  
  The one saving grace, at least with my hair, is my younger sister is such a girlie-girl still and she's amazing with hair, so she will be around to do something to mine the day of the wedding.  
  
  Oh well, like I said earlier, maybe I'm just having a pity party.  I don't usually get depressed about things.  Unfortunately, being ashamed & embarrassed about how I will look at the kids wedding has been one "thing" I just can't seem to get past.
  

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• AutumnFair member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  For the wedding outfit you have some options. Go with your mom to help you pick something out, go to a Bridal Store and let the consultants steer you in the right direction, or ask the Bride (if she lives close), a friend, or family to help you out. My mom helped a family friend out for her MOB dress because she had no idea where to even start. They got her shoes, dress, jewelry, all in one swoop.

  
  

  Here is what to look for if you are on a budget. If you decide to go to a Bridal store, definitely look for an off the rack deal. You can usually get a number of good finds. Department stores, if you can get someone to go with you, department stores are usually the best places to get great dress deals, specially for moms. Yes, even try places like Goodwill, you would be surprise on a MOB/MOG outfits that are donated. 

  
  

  Shoes, this depends on the length you are going to choose. If you have are getting a long dress or pantsuit,  then black dress flats are fine. If you are choosing something a bit shorter then any black dress shoes should work. Best places to find a good deal are Payless, Kohls, and other deparment stores. 

  
  

  Hair and makeup. Unless you know of someone that can do hair, I highly suggest getting it professionally done. Make up, is a little easier to DIY, there are more family or friends out there that can assist you in this department. If you don't have anyone, go to a place like Walgreens and have them help you out with finding some simple things like foundation, eyeshadow, etc. Definitely look for coupons for makeup as yoko mention.

  
  

  Also if you want, try talking to your FDIL about your dilemma. Tell her that you are having a hard time finding a dress and if she could recommend a couple of dresses in your price range it would really help.

  
  

  Good luck to you.

  
  

  Add: Looks like you update as I was writing. I'm glad your are getting some assistance.

  
  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  Hi rainy day- Congratulations on the 30 lb weight loss! That's a big deal. It takes a lot of self discipline to loose that much weight. If you want to lose a few more pounds , you could add a walk to your daily routine. I'm trying to walk off a few pounds, myself.
  
  I have great luck with end of season shopping for dressy clothes. Start looking after Easter, for the spring markdowns and then again mid-summer, which is the best time to shop. The stores need to clear those racks to make room for the fall lines, so you'll find great bargains at that time of year. I definitely wouldn't wait until the week before the wedding. There will be too many other things to do and it could be very frustrating and disappointing. Both the selections you linked from Macys were very nice.Black evening pants and skirts are available in most department stores year round, so it's great to have that idea to fall back on. You could also check consignment shops in your area.
  
  You don't have to wear a lot of makeup, if it's not your style. Go to Walgreens and buy a few neutral shades of lipstick.Start wearing them now, even around the house. You will get used to the way you look in a little bit of makeup.
  
  Get some advice from your girlie girl sister about your hair. I have straight hair that won't hold a curl, too. I also have an amazing hair stylist that gave me a short texturized cut so there's no need for curlers. If there is any way that you can spring for a nice haircut, that would be money well spent.
  
  Don't try to solve all your problems in one day. On the big day, you will look your best, I'm sure, because you are happy about the wedding. A big smile can make anyone look beautiful.
  
  Good luck.
  

                     

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• steffenfam member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  It sounds like you've neglected yourself over the years.  It's time to get it back in gear and focus on YOU.  The weight loss achieved so far is great, I just started mine, and I've got a ways to go, so you are not alone there. 
  
  However, I think it's time for some sprucing up.  You can go to Cost Cutters or one of those more affordable salons for a good, decent cut and style, maybe something new!  Go to Sephora or Ulta for help with make-up.  That's something that I did as well, because I'm pretty clueless in that department.  The girls there are so anxious to help.
  
  Also, try Lane Bryant.  I find the gals there are also very anxious to help.  They have some good sales, and they'll know how to dress you to get you out of those sweats and make you feel great!  Good luck!
  

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• RebeccaB88 member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  Definitely do not overlook resale shops and Goodwill!  So many mother's dresses are donated or resold after the wedding, nice things that have only been worn once. 
  
  I'm struck by reading this thread, how lucky you are in your son, FDIL, and her family.  So many girls on here have nothing but complaints or grief about their families.  Either aruguing over funding or lack of, being overly demanding, being over the top about guestlists, location, date, etc, disapproving of the marriage, being disinterested, begging for attention, and just causing general drama that makes the couple wish they could just elope to get away from it all.  Your FDIL and her family sound like very kind, genuine, concerned people, and you and your son are a very lucky family for having them around.  Your big smile and feelings of love and joy over the occasion will easily obscure any worry you have about how you look that day. 

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• rAinyDayZ3

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  
  Please accept my apologies to everyone who replied, for not getting back here sooner!  Just a lot going on, and of course we got a little bit more bad news yesterday  - seems DH doesn't qualify for the higher state's unemployment - which is double what the state we live in is, meaning we *could* save our place IF this state would deny his unemployment, which our residence state SHOULD deny, since he did NOT work in THIS state, but in the OTHER state in the past 2 years!)... Aye, aye, aye...  When it rains it pours! 
  
  So, back to my other pressing problem....
  
  @MairePoppy - thank you for the words of weight-loss encouragement!  It wasn't too hard!  I really thought it would be - understand, as absolutely DISGUSTING as this sounds (and it really does), I use to eat a FULL-SIZE Family Bag of Potato Chips EVERY DAY.  Just gross.  I would also add more salt to them.  And this wasn't just for a couple of months, this went back a couple of years.  When son & FDIL got engaged in September, I gave myself to get through the holidays and then I was getting serious.  So, December 30th, I gave up potato chips, potatoes, beef, bacon, ham, white rice, noodles, spaghetti, and anything I had to cook out of a box.  I just started buying fresh foods and only eat chicken or fish.  I actually went total vegetarian for about a month, just to get use to eating like that, then started adding grilled fish (no cold weather here).  April 9th was the first time I had a piece of cake (baked good), it was a birthday cake for DH.  I'm lucky in the fact I don't have a "sweet tooth" and don't care for chocolate.  Unfortunately, I have a "salty tooth" - so that has been sort of difficult, but not too bad.
  
  Exercise is a four-letter word to me.  Bleh, I know that is what I need, motivation is the key, and it's not something I've got.  Sad, because I've got beautiful mountains to hike in!
  
  Dress shopping - I really, really wish I could start shopping now.  I just can't financially.  One of the ladies replying mentioned going to a less expensive place and getting my hair done there.  But, the $10.00 + tip for a haircut would buy us a bag of frozen Talipia filets or Chicken breasts for $7.97 at Walmart, I get 9-10 in a bag, and that feeds my DH & I for 5 days.  Add some of my garden veggies and we've got a meal.  I know it sounds like an excuse, but it isn't.  It's difficult for people who aren't in this position (I make too much on my job for any kind of assistance, just not enough to cover all of our finances).
  
  One of the reasons I am trying to wait until the week before the wedding is because by then financially things will be a little bit better.  (hope is a huge word in our lives)
  
  But again, thank you for your encouragement - and also, thank you for replying to my other post!  I really appreciate it!  Sometimes being new to forums can really be hard!
  
  
  @ steffanfam - absolutely, neglect is a very good word.  I guess I just didn't really care any more, especially when I started telecommuting back in 2000.  BUT, I also felt "liberated".  I grew up - and in my 20's and 30's it stayed with me - in a very "look conscious Jones vs. Jones atmosphere/area".  I hated it.  DH & I moved back to this area for 2 years where he worked, and as soon as we moved back to my growng up hometown - I fell back into my old habits, that took years to work though.  I was more concerned with "everyone else" hoity-toity, how far can your nose go in the air.  I HATED IT.  It is not me.  Even my own mom.. "well, you should have nice furniture", or when I would ask for new sweatpants or t-shirts for Christmas, she would buy me some fancy pancy clothing.  I'd return it.  Our furniture is rundown, has dog & cat hair all over it, my house gets cleaned 1x a week, not daily, and.. I LOVE IT. 
  
  So.. that's why it is so hard for me to think about dressing for the wedding and getting depressed about it.  Oh, I don't like the way I look, hence the veggie, fish & chicken for the past 4 months.  But I'm just so nervous and ashamed of how "we live" I guess? 
  
  
  @RebeccaB88 - I agree completely.  My FDIL is honest, hardworking, beautiful, gracious, understanding and I couldn't ask for anyone better for my son. 
  
  Oh, yes, I wish she would include me more in her planning.  I have 3 sons, 1 will never get married per him, the middle one is the one I'm talking about now, and my youngest is proposing to his longtime GF in a couple of weeks.  (I'm thrilled about this FDIL also, she's just like my first FDIL is).  So, I don't have the pleasure of being the MOB.  It's sad, because I really wish I could go along on the dress hunts, the planning, all of this, but I guess it's just not meant to be.  This FDIL lives in one state, her family in another, me & stepdad in one, the rest of son's family in another - all over the USA.  I hope beyond hope that I can do things with the next FDIL!
  
  I feel I have a good relationship with my 1st FDIL - and then I read things on here, and I start to doubt myself.  I wonder if I get to excited for the kids, or am I meddling, or asking too much, maybe not enough, did I say something I shouldn't, etc.  I have 3 MIL's.  (I'm married to H #3, we've been together since 3/90 and married since 8/31/94).  I still adore all of my ex-IL's.  I think they are wonderful people, and I personally cannot wait to see the IL's from my first marriage at this wedding (my son getting married is son from first marriage).  I still send Xmas cards to them and update them on things.  They've met my husband now, they all get along!
  
  Oh dear, I've written a novel here, I do apologize!  I just wanted to try and reply to everyone!  Thank you all again for your encouragement and suggestions!  I'll just keep my fingers and toes crossed, keep working on the weight-loss, add that dirty four-letter word, um, okay not 4 letters, but you know which one I'm talking about here (exercise)... and pray for the best - with a big dash of HOPE!
  
  Thank you all very much!
  Soon to be a MIL!
  

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• StephieBow member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  First off - Your son just wants you at his wedding, I know they mean that you can wear whatever you want! (I know, I know, you don't feel like you have anything)
  
  Now onto something else that is AMAZING weight loss. Seriously!  You should be so incredibly proud.
  
  If money really is tight and you can't afford to hit up a store go to your local salvation army - you'd be surprised what great things you can find!  I know it might not be your "ideal" situation but people donate a lot of things and one of them might make you feel so beautiful.  Also, at Walmart, George makes some great stuff.  It might not be as formal as Alfred Angelo but you'll still look fantastic.  You'll also feel great in your new outfit!
  
  If you can swing it (and I know money is tight) even putting aside $10 a month between now and then would get you up to $50 or $60 instead of having to foot the bill all at once (though, you might have already thought of this!)
  
  Good luck!
  

  

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• shopgrl3177

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  Congratulations on your weight loss, 30 pounds is a huge accomplishment and should be proud. 
  
  Your son's wedding is an exciting time and you deserve to feel good about yourself. 
  
  Don't worry about what the other mother is wearing, when you come down the aisle you will be full of love and happiness and I'm sure you will look radiant!  Having said that, you might try somewhere like a TJ Max or Marshalls for a dress.  Another option is to shop holiday sales your department stores.  Lots of times stores will have Memorial Day or Independence Day sales and you may be able to find something that is both comfortable and flattering. 
  
  I'm not very good with make up so a friend suggested I go to a makeup counter at a department store and get a makeover.  She said they're free, you may just need to make a small purchase.  You could buy a foundation then go to a drug store to buy an eyeshadow or lip stick.  At least that would give you an idea of how to do your make up and I'm sure if you tell the make up woman your son is getting married she would be happy to give you some hints!
  
  Good luck and congratulations!

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