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Mom and the Guestlist - Need advice!
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Mom and the Guestlist - Need advice!
Is a family member or your BFF getting married? Get and give advice here.
When I first got engaged I promised my fiance that we'd have a small wedding, just close family and friends. Its what I wanted too because I have a lot going on and I thought it would be easier to pla
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Moms and Maids
Mom and the Guestlist - Need advice!
Is a family member or your BFF getting married? Get and give advice here.
When I first got engaged I promised my fiance that we'd have a small wedding, just close family and friends. Its what I wanted too because I have a lot going on and I thought it would be easier to pla
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Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357
Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5b0a1d27-024d-4276-9b3a-fedbe0f5fc89
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Mom and the Guestlist - Need advice!
posted at 1/31/2012 2:15 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
06-25-2011
DC AREA 8633446207280625
Posts: 5
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Last: 1/31/2012
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When I first got engaged I promised my fiance that we'd have a small wedding, just close family and friends. Its what I wanted too because I have a lot going on and I thought it would be easier to plan. We started to work through the guest list and I found that there were people we were cutting out that I really wanted to be there on my wedding day. My mother has slowly been adding more and more family members to the list and while I don't object to inviting these family members, its causing the number to far exceed the original number. Everytime my mother adds another group of people I go to my fiance and have to explain to him why. I usually end up telling him that they are my ads so he won't blame my mother and when I argue with my mother I usually argue with her as if I don't want more people so she won't blame my fiance. I even cut back a few friends that I wanted to invite just so I wouldn't have to explain to my fiance why the number increased even more. After I did that I got a note from my mom with a list of friends she wanted to invite that exceeds the number of friends I am now inviting, and I've never even met most of these friends of hers.
My delema is that mother has been really helpful with the wedding planning and I don't have time to do it all by myself or the money to hire a wedding planner. Also, my parents have offered to pay for the reception. Do I have the right to be upset and tell her she can't invite her friends that I've never met when she is doing a lot of the work that I can't get to and paying for the reception? Right now as it stand the guest list is 75% people that she has added and the other 25% my friends, my fiance's friends and his family. How do I explain to her that she needs to cut back without being ungrateful?
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Re: Mom and the Guestlist - Need advice!
posted at 1/31/2012 2:23 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
07-20-2011
Chicago Suburbs 6830467402830781
Posts: 292
First: 8/29/2011
Last: 2/20/2012
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With money comes strings so either you pay for your own wedding and have the guest list that you and your FI want or you let her keep adding.
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Re: Mom and the Guestlist - Need advice!
posted at 1/31/2012 2:32 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
12-08-2010
DC AREA 9930274191842413
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In Response to Mom and the Guestlist - Need advice!:
Right now as it stand the guest list is 75% people that she has added and the other 25% my friends, my fiance's friends and his family. Posted by meggieday
I would just tell her what you said right there. Say that you want to keep the guest list at X number and her new additions push it past that. Request that if she wants to add more people that she remove some of the guests that she previously added (this is assuming you haven't sent out STDs or invites). Of course you're grateful for all the help she's been giving you and you should tell her that as often as possible, but you shouldn't let it guilt you into not speaking with her about your concerns.
Now, if she pushes back about the guest list because she's the one paying for a lot of it, then you might need to change your tune and tell her that you appreciated the offer but you and FI will be going forward with your plans and you will pay for it yourself so that you can have the wedding you both want.
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Re: Mom and the Guestlist - Need advice!
posted at 1/31/2012 5:42 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
08-25-2004
LANSING 120571125008576
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Stop putting yourself in the middle of your mom and FI. Be honest with both of them instead of covering for mom when talking to FI and covering for FI when talking to Mom. You have gotten yourself in a real pickle by not standing up and being honest.
Yes money can come with strings and maybe your mom's does. You need to sit down with and start from square one. Let her know that as much as you appreciate her help, you are dropping your friends and other important people so that she can keep adding hers. Put your big girl panties on and tell her you want a smaller wedding and you don't want to drop people that are important to you so that she can invite her friends.
You may need to say no thanks to her money and plan the wedding you and FI can afford. Get out of the middle of the two of them.
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Re: Mom and the Guestlist - Need advice!
posted at 1/31/2012 10:35 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
05-15-2008
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kmmssg is very wise. Take her advice.
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Re: Mom and the Guestlist - Need advice!
posted at 2/4/2012 8:39 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
03-27-2004
VIRGINIA 925275937508500
Posts: 1678
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Last: 5/17/2012
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In Response to Re: Mom and the Guestlist - Need advice!:
Stop putting yourself in the middle of your mom and FI. Be honest with both of them instead of covering for mom when talking to FI and covering for FI when talking to Mom. You have gotten yourself in a real pickle by not standing up and being honest. Yes money can come with strings and maybe your mom's does. You need to sit down with and start from square one. Let her know that as much as you appreciate her help, you are dropping your friends and other important people so that she can keep adding hers. Put your big girl panties on and tell her you want a smaller wedding and you don't want to drop people that are important to you so that she can invite her friends. You may need to say no thanks to her money and plan the wedding you and FI can afford. Get out of the middle of the two of them.
Posted by kmmssg
This......
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My baby girl is a married woman!
