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soon to be sister in law

Moms and Maids

soon to be sister in law

Is a family member or your BFF getting married? Get and give advice here.

My Fiancés parents have very boldly brought up how his older sister should be one of my bridesmaids. I still have 2 and half years to go until the wedding but I have asked all of my other brid

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Moms and Maids

soon to be sister in law

Is a family member or your BFF getting married? Get and give advice here.

My Fiancés parents have very boldly brought up how his older sister should be one of my bridesmaids. I still have 2 and half years to go until the wedding but I have asked all of my other brid

Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357

Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:62aef219-5046-4b5b-be5d-dbaf6d4e2e04

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Forums > Special Topic Wedding Boards > Moms and Maids > soon to be sister in law

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soon to be sister in law

posted at 2/4/2012 3:46 PM EST on theknot.com

luvpoobear

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My Fiancés parents have very boldly brought up how his older sister should be one of my bridesmaids. I still have 2 and half years to go until the wedding but I have asked all of my other bridesmaids and my MOH, they do not know that. It is now awkward because they want me to ask her now but they get upset when we talk about wedding stuff or pay for stuff now (although I have already saved about 3000) They sat down to talk to my fiancé about me asking her to be a bridesmaid and how I need to make up my mind soon. I feel it’s awkward to ask her the very few times I see her. How should I go about this?P.s. she wasn’t very happy when we became engaged because she is older and still not married

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Re: soon to be sister in law

posted at 2/4/2012 3:51 PM EST on theknot.com

sister2groom

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In Response to soon to be sister in law:

My Fiancés parents have very boldly brought up how his older sister should be one of my bridesmaids. I still have 2 and half years to go until the wedding but I have asked all of my other bridesmaids and my MOH, they do not know that. It is now awkward because they want me to ask her now but they get upset when we talk about wedding stuff or pay for stuff now (although I have already saved about 3000) They sat down to talk to my fiancé about me asking her to be a bridesmaid and how I need to make up my mind soon. I feel it’s awkward to ask her the very few times I see her. How should I go about this? P.s. she wasn’t very happy when we became engaged because she is older and still not married
Posted by luvpoobear

Let your fiance deal with them and try to not let it bother you. When it gets closer, discuss it with your fiance and see how you both feel about her being in the wedding party.

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Re: soon to be sister in law

posted at 2/4/2012 4:18 PM EST on theknot.com

BinxRose

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Last: 5/16/2012

Whoa. First, please don't ever use that font/size again. Really hard to read.

Second, you should not have asked anyone to be in your wedding party yet. Two and a half years is really far away, and relationships change.

That being said, for now you can tell them exactly that: it's still 2 1/2 years away and you have not made any decisions yet (provided you don't get caught in the lie). Who knows, maybe you will change your mind two years from now. And when the time comes, if you still don't want her to be in the wedding, just let them know you've made your decision.

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Re: soon to be sister in law

posted at 2/4/2012 5:09 PM EST on theknot.com

prettyfacegal

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I would ask everyone a year out. Throw your future sister in law in the bridal party. If you ask her...and she refuses...you have done your part. Also, if the in laws are not contributing toward the wedding...they should have no say so....It sounds like you are very independent.

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Re: soon to be sister in law

posted at 2/4/2012 5:10 PM EST on theknot.com

prettyfacegal

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Re: soon to be sister in law

posted at 2/4/2012 5:48 PM EST on theknot.com

1covejack

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His sister can be on his side. That would be up to your FI to decide. Also? Let you FI deal with his family and their expectations. Don't get in to the middle of it, oryou'll look like the bad guy here.

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Re: soon to be sister in law

posted at 2/4/2012 6:10 PM EST on theknot.com

Viczaesar

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In Response to soon to be sister in law:

My Fiancés parents have very boldly brought up how his older sister should be one of my bridesmaids. I still have 2 and half years to go until the wedding but I have asked all of my other bridesmaids and my MOH, they do not know that. It is now awkward because they want me to ask her now but they get upset when we talk about wedding stuff or pay for stuff now (although I have already saved about 3000) They sat down to talk to my fiancé about me asking her to be a bridesmaid and how I need to make up my mind soon. I feel it’s awkward to ask her the very few times I see her. How should I go about this? P.s. she wasn’t very happy when we became engaged because she is older and still not married
Posted by luvpoobear

Good god, this is hard to read. Please write in the normal font in the future.

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Re: soon to be sister in law

posted at 2/4/2012 7:59 PM EST on theknot.com

Muffin'sMom

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You are going to be related to these people til death do you part. So you add a bridesmaid...who will it hurt?

My baby girl is a married woman!

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Re: soon to be sister in law

posted at 2/5/2012 1:14 PM EST on theknot.com

RetreadBride

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"Thank you, but I've selected my wedding party. She hasn't mentioned it to me, so I think you are the only ones who are upset. Fiance can have her stand on his side if he wishes, since she's his sister."

"I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."

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Re: soon to be sister in law

posted at 2/5/2012 5:44 PM EST on theknot.com

KindaSparkly

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My FILs had the same expectations with their obnoxious daughter, to whom I am really not close. I stood my ground and didn't ask her. FI handled his family and the incessant inquiries from his mother.
While I didn't want to make people mad, I also saw it as an important way to set some boundaries. I'm not going to set a precedent where I just cave when repeatedly pestered about something. I only had room in the budget for 4 bridesmaids and there was no way I was kicking out my cousin, sister or 2 best friends for FSIL (to whom I've spoken two less than a handful of times in seven years).
She and I aren't close, never will be. FI and his sister aren't close and he didn't want her on his side either. We didn't budge from that position.

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Re: soon to be sister in law

posted at 2/6/2012 10:46 AM EST on theknot.com

Beads921

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Why are you worrying about this? Your wedding isn't for 2.5 years. Choose your WP in 1.5-2 years.

And, for the sake of maintaining good family relationships, you should probably consider including her when the time comes. See how your FI feels about it.

Life is good today.

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Re: soon to be sister in law

posted at 2/6/2012 12:09 PM EST on theknot.com

FaithCaitlin

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In Response to Re: soon to be sister in law:

Perfect.

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Re: soon to be sister in law

posted at 2/7/2012 4:14 PM EST on theknot.com

JacklovesSarah

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Last: 5/8/2012

It's ok to be worried about this and it's ok that you already told your bridesmaids who they were. I don't understand why people say "relationships change." If there's a chance for them to change, why would you want them as your bridesmaids? I've known my bridesmaids my entire life, and our relationships have never changed; that's why they're my bridesmaids...

That being said, I've yet to ask my soon to be sister-in-law or my fiance's sister-in-law to be my bridesmaids. I'll ask them after I've picked the venue and settled the date. You don't have to answer to anyone on the bridesmaids subject. They can't make you and you shouldn't let them start controlling you this early on into the soon-to-be marriage. They'll have their entire lives to pick away at you, so don't let them start just yet.

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Re: soon to be sister in law

posted at 2/7/2012 10:35 PM EST on theknot.com

RetreadBride

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Because friendships CAN change. People move further away from each other, and can undergo a complete personality change once they get into their own relationships/start new careers/have children/etc.

We get complaints like that all the time here on this board. That's why we say not to ask people more than six months or so in advance. There is no reason to ask a wedding party until it's time to start looking for their attire.

"I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."

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