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*Moderator*
Joined on
11-08-2010
BOSTON 4332248174216636
Posts: 6220
First: 3/28/2011
Last: 5/23/2012
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1. How often do you fight? Extremely rarely. MAYBE once every six months but probably more infrequently. I think I can think of five instances over three years where I was really and truly upset/angry/hurt by/with him and vice versa.
2. What are the top 3 things you fight about most?
Again, they're not really fights, but I guess in general: differing opinions about relationship timelines, priorities (where different things in our lives such as his coaching, my parents, his friends, my friends, etc. fall), and miscommunication of needs (not clearly expressing desires and being frustrated by lack of mindreading abilities on the part of the other...we're pretty much over that now).
3. Who usually says sorry first?
I do.
4. How long do your fights last?
Never longer than 24 hours, and usually only that long if it's something like we had a disagreement, had to go our separate ways to fulfill an obligation, and then came back to talk about it at night. If we can sit and talk about it immediately, usually within an hour.
5. Use 3 words to describe the way you fight.
Constructively, honestly/straightforwardly, patiently.
6. What is one thing you wish you could change about your fighting habits (besides never fighting)
Honestly, not much. We are pretty good fighters. I think it is important to have disagreements in relationships -- it means you care enough that you aren't just letting someone else walk all over you, or ignoring things that are going on, or walking all over someone else so they submit to you. But fighting constantly is also terrible. I think we strike a balance where don't have huge blowouts but have a few recurring disagreements we can handle calmly and a handful of minor annoyances about housekeeping (which are also basically all ironed out -- no pun intended).
I guess the only thing I'd change is that he is quick (in the first 10 minutes or so of a disagreement) to go on the defensive) and I am quick to clam up, so it takes us a little bit to get into the heart of the matter. If we could skip the first 20 minutes of talking, it would be easier.
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