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My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
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My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
<p>You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring (yet)? Welcome to NEY. </p>
Why do so many people find it socially acceptable to ask me if I'm the "next in line" to have a kid whenever babies are around or the topic of conversation is children?!? NEWSFLASH ---- I'm not even e
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Not Engaged Yet
My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
<p>You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring (yet)? Welcome to NEY. </p>
Why do so many people find it socially acceptable to ask me if I'm the "next in line" to have a kid whenever babies are around or the topic of conversation is children?!? NEWSFLASH ---- I'm not even e
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My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/9/2012 7:26 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Why do so many people find it socially acceptable to ask me if I'm the "next in line" to have a kid whenever babies are around or the topic of conversation is children?!? NEWSFLASH ---- I'm not even engaged yet!! I'm not implying that a woman must or should have a ring to start a family, but if you are aware that I've been with my BF for nearly 5 years and want to marry this man first, then why on earth would you bring up children of all things?!
On a similar note, I'm also really annoyed with the question of when the two of us are getting engaged. I DON'T KNOW. It's uncomfortable to be put in a position like this. I have no idea when a proposal will come, it's his choice, and I'd prefer to keep it that way.
Why is society so damn pushy with timelines and deadlines? I'll be engaged, married, and pregnant when it happens. That's it. jeez.
I should say, that most of the time, it's co-workers making the comments and since I'm a non-confrontational, pushover it's hard for me to speak up and defend myself. I avoid awkwardness like the plague. I like to keep my personal life and work life separate and I try not to talk about my relationship, so it's crazy that anyone would even feel comfortable bringing this up (I only talk about BF and I if someone asks about the picture I have in my cube or whatever).
What do you girls do in these situations? Have you had to deal with comments and questions like this from co-workers or other people you aren't super close with?
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Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/9/2012 7:32 PM EST
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I can definitely see where that is frustrating, especially the baby thing. I think for some people being asked when they are getting engaged is a touchy subject/personal, and for others it's not. So, people who feel it's NBD ask others to make conversation or to show that they care. I'd let it roll off of your shoulders. You are under no obligation to answer, and while it may be annoying..it's probably just someone trying to be nice.
Does it bother you so much because you wish you had an answer? Or does it bother you because you think it's none of their business? I'd gauge your response to them based off of the answer.
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Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/9/2012 7:36 PM EST
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I usually get asked when we're getting married which annoys me. I just try to come up with a witty reply that is nonchalant and usually drops the topic. People can be nosy, but that's people. It's annoying but there's not much you can do but let it roll of your shoulder.
I saw the funniest thing it said something like "Old people always elbow me at weddings and say I'm next, so I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."
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Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/9/2012 7:40 PM EST
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In Response to Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long):
Does it bother you so much because you wish you had an answer? Or does it bother you because you think it's none of their business? I'd gauge your response to them based off of the answer.
Posted by jaycee7389
Well, admittedly I do feel a bit anxious and impatient at times, so getting asked these questions has the tendency to make me feel more anxious. I'm not in a huge rush, though. I would never pressure BF for a ring or anything. Idk. Plus, I do feel like it's none of their business. It's different when the question of engagement is raised by his family or mine, because we're all close and naturally, curiosity is bound to happen at some point. However, I feel bad for him, because he gets put on the spot and I don't think that's really fair.
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Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/9/2012 7:41 PM EST
on theknot.com
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In Response to Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long):
I usually get asked when we're getting married which annoys me. I just try to come up with a witty reply that is nonchalant and usually drops the topic. People can be nosy, but that's people. It's annoying but there's not much you can do but let it roll of your shoulder. I saw the funniest thing it said something like "Old people always elbow me at weddings and say I'm next, so I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."
Posted by prbright
Haha. I've seen that quote before. If only I could use that at work.
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Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/9/2012 7:44 PM EST
on theknot.com
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In Response to My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long):
Why do so many people find it socially acceptable to ask me if I'm the "next in line" to have a kid whenever babies are around or the topic of conversation is children?!? NEWSFLASH ---- I'm not even engaged yet!! I'm not implying that a woman must or should have a ring to start a family, but if you are aware that I've been with my BF for nearly 5 years and want to marry this man first, then why on earth would you bring up children of all things?! On a similar note, I'm also really annoyed with the question of when the two of us are getting engaged. I DON'T KNOW. It's uncomfortable to be put in a position like this. I have no idea when a proposal will come, it's his choice, and I'd prefer to keep it that way. Why is society so damn pushy with timelines and deadlines? I'll be engaged, married, and pregnant when it happens. That's it. jeez. I should say, that most of the time, it's co-workers making the comments and since I'm a non-confrontational, pushover it's hard for me to speak up and defend myself. I avoid awkwardness like the plague. I like to keep my personal life and work life separate and I try not to talk about my relationship, so it's crazy that anyone would even feel comfortable bringing this up (I only talk about BF and I if someone asks about the picture I have in my cube or whatever). What do you girls do in these situations? Have you had to deal with comments and questions like this from co-workers or other people you aren't super close with?
Posted by melmac86
Gosh . . . I understand your rant on so many levels, especially the bolded part!! I won't go into details but I got those questions all the freaking time before I met FI. And then when we met, we both started getting questions about when we'd get married . . . STARTING AT FOUR MONTHS. Seriously people? Just because we were 31 and 34 then did NOT mean that we needed to move fast - at least to us it didn't mean that. To everyone else it meant we had to rush. So how to deal? When I was single I would just answer with, "I'm focusing on my career right now," (which I was) or something like that. After FI and I got together, I usually said the exact truth: that we weren't in any hurry and we were really happy just as we were. Or, if you live together, just say you prefer "livin' in sin" (you have to say it with kind of a funny attitude for it to have the right impact). That'll shut 'em up!!
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Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/9/2012 7:50 PM EST
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I think it's pretty frustrating. Especially when they ask me wen we're getting engaged in front of my BF. Um, really I don't have that much say in the matter. BF will propose when he is ready. He's fully aware that if that's what he wants, I'd say hes, but he isn't there yet, and that's fine. I'd rather he wait until he's ready than do something he's not ready for and regret it laiter. I've never been asked about the baby bit.
I completely agree that others shouldn't be asking. Maybe you don't want to get married for what ever reason. Also, what if you can't have children? It's really nobody's business, and I can't imagine how painful it would be if you knew that you couldn't have children, whether it be for something you did or something you didn't do, especially when that's what you really want. I remember reading a Danielle Steele book called Mixed Blessings where they kept bugging the one woman about having kids and she wanted them so bad but because she had an IUD that caused an infection basically making her sterile, her chances of conceiving were like one in a billion. She finally blew up at her family and was all like "I'm sterile! And I hate it and stop fcuking asking me!!!!" It was sad.
As for responses, if asked about the engagement thing I usually say "That's up to my bf to decide when he's ready to propose." or "Ask bf, he's the one who knows when that's happening."
If you want to be snarky when people ask about babies you could be all "We're having too much fun practicing to actually have kids." Or "What goes on in my uterus is none of your business" Or take something negative in their life and throw it back. I was out for dinner with a friend when we ran into a girl neither of us liked who has 3 kids, al of whom were taken away from her because she uses drugs. She had the nerve to ask my friend when she would be having kids, really b!tchily. My friend replied "When you get off drugs and start taking care of your kids instead of having the state support them." Totally b!itchy, but the way the other girl asked, she deserved it.
If you don't want to be snarky, you could just say "That's between me and my partner, and I'd appreciate if you don't ask again." and just leave it at that.
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Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/9/2012 7:59 PM EST
on theknot.com
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In Response to Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long):
In Response to My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long) : Gosh . . . I understand your rant on so many levels, especially the bolded part!! I won't go into details but I got those questions all the freaking time before I met FI. And then when we met, we both started getting questions about when we'd get married . . . STARTING AT FOUR MONTHS. Seriously people? Just because we were 31 and 34 then did NOT mean that we needed to move fast - at least to us it didn't mean that. To everyone else it meant we had to rush. So how to deal? When I was single I would just answer with, "I'm focusing on my career right now," (which I was) or something like that. After FI and I got together, I usually said the exact truth: that we weren't in any hurry and we were really happy just as we were. Or, if you live together, just say you prefer "livin' in sin" (you have to say it with kind of a funny attitude for it to have the right impact). That'll shut 'em up!!
Posted by flygirlmeg
Wow. I thought the 4 YEAR mark was annoying! I like the "living in sin" part, because his dad (bless his heart cause he's a good guy) is super religious and often preachy and hasn't been told we live together, cause we'd never hear the end of it. Sad, but true.
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Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/9/2012 8:04 PM EST
on theknot.com
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In Response to Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long):
I think it's pretty frustrating. Especially when they ask me wen we're getting engaged in front of my BF. Um, really I don't have that much say in the matter. BF will propose when he is ready. He's fully aware that if that's what he wants, I'd say hes, but he isn't there yet, and that's fine. I'd rather he wait until he's ready than do something he's not ready for and regret it laiter. I've never been asked about the baby bit. I completely agree that others shouldn't be asking. Maybe you don't want to get married for what ever reason. Also, what if you can't have children? It's really nobody's business, and I can't imagine how painful it would be if you knew that you couldn't have children, whether it be for something you did or something you didn't do, especially when that's what you really want. I remember reading a Danielle Steele book called Mixed Blessings where they kept bugging the one woman about having kids and she wanted them so bad but because she had an IUD that caused an infection basically making her sterile, her chances of conceiving were like one in a billion. She finally blew up at her family and was all like "I'm sterile! And I hate it and stop fcuking asking me!!!!" It was sad. As for responses, if asked about the engagement thing I usually say "That's up to my bf to decide when he's ready to propose." or "Ask bf, he's the one who knows when that's happening." If you want to be snarky when people ask about babies you could be all "We're having too much fun practicing to actually have kids." Or "What goes on in my uterus is none of your business" Or take something negative in their life and throw it back. I was out for dinner with a friend when we ran into a girl neither of us liked who has 3 kids, al of whom were taken away from her because she uses drugs. She had the nerve to ask my friend when she would be having kids, really b!tchily. My friend replied "When you get off drugs and start taking care of your kids instead of having the state support them." Totally b!itchy, but the way the other girl asked, she deserved it. If you don't want to be snarky, you could just say "That's between me and my partner, and I'd appreciate if you don't ask again." and just leave it at that.
Posted by tdwpg1984
I would love to be snarky with my co-workers sometimes, but I think I'm going to have to just give a quick and easy response and walk away. For the baby question, maybe I'll just reply with "no thanks" and for the engagement questions, "when he proposes" :)
Several months back, this girl that I don't talk to much IRL or on facebook posted on my facebook wall "Are you two engaged yet?" She posted this shortly after her one year wedding anniversary as if to almost rub it in my face or something. I responded with "We have two cats together; is that good enough for you?" Never heard back from her. lol.
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Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/9/2012 9:42 PM EST
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I've been getting asked the same thing by friends and family for a couple of years. Its only been getting worse lately. I usually try to dodge the questions but I can understand your frustration. I also feel bad for BF, because he feels pressured when people ask when we're getting engaged when he's around.
I also just stick to the short responses. When are we getting engaged? Once he proposes. :)
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Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/9/2012 9:49 PM EST
on theknot.com
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In Response to Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long):
I've been getting asked the same thing by friends and family for a couple of years. Its only been getting worse lately. I usually try to dodge the questions but I can understand your frustration. I also feel bad for BF, because he feels pressured when people ask when we're getting engaged when he's around. I also just stick to the short responses. When are we getting engaged? Once he proposes. :)
Posted by kaitlynmichelle
That's also a fantastic response!
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Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/9/2012 9:54 PM EST
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The "when he proposes" idea is going to have to be my go-to answer.
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Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/9/2012 11:25 PM EST
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While I'm glad I never had any relatives or anything asking "When are you getting married", if I had, I probably would've responded with "You're asking the wrong person."
I can see how that would be so insanely frustrating. It's your boyfriend who would be doing the proposing, (and in the topic of pregnancy, the impregnating, lol). I think people just get bored and try to start conversations the best way they know how. If they don't know anything about you (or if they know so much about you they want to talk about something new), relationships are usually the way to go, mainly because a lot of girls typically people jump at the chance to talk about their boyfriends.
I'd give them the benefit of the doubt and just tell them "I don't know" or "someday" and leave it at that. You'll know when you know... you know?
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Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/9/2012 11:29 PM EST
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My family and friends are really excited for BF and I to get married. I get badgered about when we are going to finally tie the knot ALL. THE. TIME. I mostly just say "when the time is right" or "after we finish school". I'm 100% sure that after we are married the question of when we will start having babies will come up quickly. I find it's easiest to just brush it off with a super vague answer.
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Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/9/2012 11:30 PM EST
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When I would get questions about when we were getting engaged or "You're next!!" at weddings (ALWAYS from FI's family, never mine), I used to point at FI (BF at the time, obviously) and say, "it's up to him, so ask him."
Weirdly enough, they never did. :)
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Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/9/2012 11:54 PM EST
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In Response to Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long):
My family and friends are really excited for BF and I to get married. I get badgered about when we are going to finally tie the knot ALL. THE. TIME. I mostly just say "when the time is right" or "after we finish school". I'm 100% sure that after we are married the question of when we will start having babies will come up quickly. I find it's easiest to just brush it off with a super vague answer.
Posted by bethsmiles
I used to use the "after we finish school" line, but now that we have, that doesn't work :P My family also does the whole "you guys are next!" line at weddings.
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Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/10/2012 8:39 AM EST
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I got this a lot too. I guess people don't realize how often you hear it ... from everyone.
I like the idea of answering back, "when he proposes".
I can pretty much bet all of my savings right now that someone, probably my cousin, will ask us when we're having a baby even before our wedding night is over. She's almost as crazy about us having a baby as FMIL and my mom, but she's more vocal. So eventually I'm going to have to find a clever comeback to that one too.
I guess there's always something that they're going to be asking. You could always say what they tell everyone whenever someone is being BSC. Just say something like, "We're enjoying the present for now. We don't want to always be rushing into the next step and miss the moments we have now at this stage in our lives. But thanks for asking".
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-Ely
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Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long)
posted at 2/10/2012 9:30 AM EST
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In Response to Re: My first freaking rant, because I'm annoyed (sorta long):
When I would get questions about when we were getting engaged or "You're next!!" at weddings (ALWAYS from FI's family, never mine), I used to point at FI (BF at the time, obviously) and say, "it's up to him, so ask him." Weirdly enough, they never did. :)
Posted by yaga13 Yeah, any time I've done the "I dunno, ask BF" they never do. Why is it okay to ask me and not him? It's not like I know the answer! That actually kind of annoys me. I'm a bit of a control freak and I hate not knowing what's going on with my life. But I can't really be all "When the hell are you going to propose?!?!?!"
The thing that annoys me (and I've told BF this) is he says that everytime someone elese asks, it makes him want to delay it. Which I don't think is fair since I want to be engaged and get married and I can't control what other people say. It would be one thing if he were to push back the engagement every time I said something, but others? Not fair. I shouldn't be "punished" for shite other people say that I have no control over. Oh I thought of another good one. At my office Christmas party, a co-worker's BF asked when we were getting married. My reply: "I dunno, when are you guys getting married?" It made them uncomfortable, since my co-worker is still legally married to someone else and her and her BF have a kid together, so I guess they've been getting that a lot too. I think it kinda made them realise it's not a question you should be asking..
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