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S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
Not Engaged Yet
S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
<p>You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring (yet)? Welcome to NEY. </p>
So this is partially inspired by the confessions thread and partially by a radio program I was listening to yesterday morning. The radio show was talking about a "New kind of slutty college girl" whic
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Not Engaged Yet
S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
<p>You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring (yet)? Welcome to NEY. </p>
So this is partially inspired by the confessions thread and partially by a radio program I was listening to yesterday morning. The radio show was talking about a "New kind of slutty college girl" whic
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Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136
Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:3589f3b2-d7a4-4a0e-b145-141a9c07c839
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S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 4:17 PM EST
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So this is partially inspired by the confessions thread and partially by a radio program I was listening to yesterday morning. The radio show was talking about a "New kind of slutty college girl" which has multiple F**k buddies at once. People were saying how that's crazy and etc...The only thing I could think of was "If this were a guy, it wouldn't even be being talked about right now".
So my question is, What is your attitude towards sex?
To me, sex is not a big deal. If someone chooses to be promiscuous, that's their choice. I personally have only had sex with FI, but that was kind of coincidental. I never planned only having sex with one person ever. But it just happened. One previous BF was very religious, so it was out. Another serious BF had intimacy issues (long story). By the time I met FI, I was so ready to just do it. We weren't super serious or anything yet when we did it, but we were in a relationship. It just happened that the first person I did it with ended up being the perfect person for me.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 4:21 PM EST
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Having multiple f**k buddies is "new"? Hmm, I guess I was ahead of the curve when I was in college? Trend setter right here, ladies and gents.
Clearly I'm rather flippant about sex. I believe strongly in monogamy in a marraige and serious dating relationships, but I'm not the pearl clutching type when it comes to sleeping around (safely) before you meet someone you want to be serious with.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 4:23 PM EST
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In Response to S/O: Let's Talk About Sex:
So this is partially inspired by the confessions thread and partially by a radio program I was listening to yesterday morning. The radio show was talking about a "New kind of slutty college girl" which has multiple F**k buddies at once. People were saying how that's crazy and etc...The only thing I could think of was "If this were a guy, it wouldn't even be being talked about right now". So my question is, What is your attitude towards sex? To me, sex is not a big deal. If someone chooses to be promiscuous, that's their choice. I personally have only had sex with FI, but that was kind of coincidental. I never planned only having sex with one person ever. But it just happened. One previous BF was very religious, so it was out. Another serious BF had intimicy issues (long story). By the time I met FI, I was so ready to just do it. We weren't super serious or anything yet when we did it, but we were in a relationship. It just happened that the first person I did it with ended up being the perfect person for me.
Posted by swhite2012
I hate the double standard associated with sex. I hate that men who have a lot of sex are seen as manly and rugged or whatever, while women are deemed "sluts". We should have the same sexual freedoms men do.
That said, I'm a prude. I wanted to be in love the first time I slept with someone, and I was. That didn't make the sex good, though... :-/
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 4:24 PM EST
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ORANGE COUNTY 5743164442573903
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I feel the same way as you do. That a guy who beds many women is THE man and a girl that does the same is a slut. That's bull sh$t. But its society and how is views gender roles. I'm pretty open about sex. Its natural and normal and its a choice. Actually I think a guy who sleeps with a lot of girls is a man whore. So I don't treat either sex differently. I've had my share of bed partners but mostly its been a monogamous relationships. May be a few times that I have slept with 2 guys around the same time. NOT a threesome. Thought that's a whole other thread. I wonder what ladies have said if they ever get asked the "what's your number of bed partners" question. Would you be truthful?
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 4:25 PM EST
on theknot.com
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To me sex is a really big deal. BF is the only person I've felt close enough to, comfortable enough with, and been attracted to, to do anything besides a kiss. I like that BF will (mostly likely) be the only person I'm ever that close to, it's important to me.
But I don't care what other people do regarding their sex lives. I would probably be concerned for someone who has multiple "fvck buddies" if they weren't being careful because pregnancy and diseases are serious but even then it's not my business.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 4:31 PM EST
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In Response to Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex:
I feel the same way as you do. That a guy who beds many women is THE man and a girl that does the same is a slut. That's bull sh$t. But its society and how is views gender roles. I'm pretty open about sex. Its natural and normal and its a choice. Actually I think a guy who sleeps with a lot of girls is a man whore. So I don't treat either sex differently. I've had my share of bed partners but mostly its been a monogamous relationships. May be a few times that I have slept with 2 guys around the same time. NOT a threesome. Thought that's a whole other thread. I wonder what ladies have said if they ever get asked the "what's your number of bed partners" question. Would you be truthful?
Posted by motoLyn
What do you mean by bed partners? As in, not just dudes?
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 4:36 PM EST
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In Response to Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex:
Having multiple f**k buddies is "new"? Hmm, I guess I was ahead of the curve when I was in college? Trend setter right here, ladies and gents. Clearly I'm rather flippant about sex. I believe strongly in monogamy in a marraige and serious dating relationships, but I'm not the pearl clutching type when it comes to sleeping around (safely) before you meet someone you want to be serious with.
Posted by cschiano
Couldn't agree more.
I've always been a monogomay advocate though, even if you aren't particularly serious with them. I always found the idea of sleeping with two people at the same time (not a threesome, but back and forth) to be a little 'gross', but mostly because of the safety factor. I had a friend that did this, ended up getting pregnant, and had no idea which one the father was (she got an abortion, so she never found out, but still, it was a pretty big issue).
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 4:37 PM EST
on theknot.com
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I'm very open about having a lot of partners in the past. Some were one night stands, some were long-lasting hookups. One of them IMed me on FB last night. That was a little weird. We haven't spoken for four years.
Anyway. Back to the topic. I'd be 100% honest in a "what's your numbers" poll. I've actually posted it before - deep in KUI night threads. ;)
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 4:37 PM EST
on theknot.com
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COLORADO 4795616573328293
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Sex to me isn't a big deal. I've had my fair share of partners and tried the whole casual sex thing and just realized that that's not me. I just don't care. Although I do agree that there's a huge double standard.
I also have no problem discussing my sex life but only with people who want to know, and I definitely know where to draw the line. Some things are just best left private.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 4:38 PM EST
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My attitude toward sex...??
You shouldn't give it out like free candy. But, at the same time, I had a phase in early college where I juggled men. And I had a lot of fun doing so. I think as long as you're open and honest with your partner (meaning not saying you're monogamous when you're not), then there's nothing wrong with it.
But yeah...I think sex is very much "to each their own".
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 4:40 PM EST
on theknot.com
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In Response to Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex:
In Response to Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex : What do you mean by bed partners? As in, not just dudes?
Posted by cschiano
Well for some it be just males, but yes sexual partners can be make or female or both. I used to just answer the question in past relationships, but with Danish Man we decided it was best that we left that in the past. I actually don't want to know how many women he has slept with. Nor hear any stories. Because sometimes i think he gets foot in mouth syndrome and just starts vomiting up stories of his conquests. Takes a lot not to slap him upside the head.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 4:43 PM EST
on theknot.com
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In Response to Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex:
My attitude toward sex...?? You shouldn't give it out like free candy. But, at the same time, I had a phase in early college where I juggled men. And I had a lot of fun doing so. I think as long as you're open and honest with your partner (meaning not saying you're monogamous when you're not), then there's nothing wrong with it. But yeah...I think sex is very much "to each their own".
Posted by loves2shop4shoes
This is how I feel about it too. I should have added that to my OP.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 4:44 PM EST
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In Response to Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex:
Having multiple f**k buddies is "new"? Hmm, I guess I was ahead of the curve when I was in college? Trend setter right here, ladies and gents. Clearly I'm rather flippant about sex. I believe strongly in monogamy in a marraige and serious dating relationships, but I'm not the pearl clutching type when it comes to sleeping around (safely) before you meet someone you want to be serious with.
Posted by cschiano
I'm with you. I'm all for personal choice when it comes to consenting, adult sexual relationships. As long as it's SAFE!! If you're f_cking someone you met at a bar 2 hours ago, I'm not judging you. If you don't use protection b/c he protested or "condoms are gross" I'M JUDGING YOU AND GIVE YOU SERIOUS SIDE EYE! I know condoms aren't the best things ever. But to me they are a fact of life if you want to engage in sex with people you don't know well, or multiple partners. Protect your body (and your partners).
ETA: I also wanted to say as long as you have a healthy attitude about sex as well. Not that you're sleeping around for love (safe or not) or trying to replace some sort of authority figure or have some sort of deep seeded issue that you turn to sex to resolve. That requires therapy, not a few hours of stranger sex.
I bolded the above not only b/c I agree but b/c I heard recently-and I'll try to find it-that monogamy is becoming more of a problem in marriages b/c people are getting used to having multiple partners and the option of having sex with more than a few people. I have no idea if that's true b/c I know cheating has been an issue since the advent of marriage. But the article was intelligently presented (i.e. without a morality or religious lecture).
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 4:44 PM EST
on theknot.com
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I don't think sex is that big of a deal. I've shared my number on here before. It's pretty up there. I do think, unfortunately, a lot of my promiscuity was related to feeling incredibly insecure about myself.
BF is the exact opposite. He has not had sex with many people at all. He believed he would wait for marriage, but that obviously didn't happen. He has only had sex with people that he was in love with.
He's aware of my number, and we waited for a long while before we had sex (meaning full intercourse...BJs were on the table right away, haha).
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 4:47 PM EST
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Sex is really important to me because I personally feel you should be in love to have sex. However, I have always felt this way about sexual things. I don't judge other people if they don't do things that way, not my problem really. What people do is their own choices.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 4:50 PM EST
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Also, I've had different flings going on at over-lapping times.
I used to get really upset over these things, but whatever. It's in the past. I'd like to think I'd use more discretion if I were single right now.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 4:54 PM EST
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I love sex. I have had sex with... a lot of people. In fact, I would have to seriously sit down & think about it to come up with my exact number. I mean, I'm no Barney Stinson, but I have gotten around. I had a 3.5 year long, on & off f-buddy situation... which was a huge mistake, because I had serious feelings for him for a long time before we finally ended things. I also dated other people in that time, and slept with other people when we were "off." I am not embarassed by my promiscuity, and I don't really care if people judge me for it.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 5:06 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Like Bri, I'd have to sit down to come up with my final number, but it is up there. Mo doesn't know because he doesn't care and said he didn't want to hear, but I know that I at the very least triple his number and I am #6 for him.
My flings overlapped with other flings. I don't care. I used to totally love having sex. Some of it probably was insecurity and a need to feel wanted by guys, but a lot of it was that it was just awesomely fun for me to be promiscuous in college and after, between relationships. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and don't regret a thing.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 5:16 PM EST
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I'm open about my sex life. Although having one partner doesn't exactly make it that thrilling :P
I don't judge people who sleep with a lot of guys/girls, but if they aren't safe about it I will judge. My old roommate did have a stretch where every few nights some new guy was staying over, but I was more uncomfortable with having to see random dudes awkwardly enter and leave our apartment when I was there. It wasn't my place to dictate who she slept with.
But... I did judge her for having sex with some random guy she met overseas without protection, since she called me freaking out thinking she was pregnant. She was convinced that he would move to Canada and help her raise the baby. Riiiiight. But it was all good.
I'm sure if I hadn't started dating BF when I was younger I would have also slept with more guys. I never had the mindset of waiting until marriage, but I also wanted to make sure that he was the right guy.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 5:17 PM EST
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It's obviously a personal choice, but for me I'm really glad I didn't wait til marriage. Current BF is the only one I have felt 100% comfortable with and our sexytimes are 100% better than past times with past men. It's good to know that I would be more than content with doing the deed with BF for the rest of my life if that's where our relationship ends up.
Since I didn't post in the confession thread, I'm going to post here since my confession is related to this post...
I confess that I cannot fully remember the first time with current BF. And I confess that it makes me feel really sad. I confess that it was probably a month after we first started dating and I think maybe I was so caught up in the feelings of the new relationship overall, that I failed to force the moment into long-term memory.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 5:23 PM EST
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In Response to Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex:
I confess that I cannot fully remember the first time with current BF. And I confess that it makes me feel really sad. I confess that it was probably a month after we first started dating and I think maybe I was so caught up in the feelings of the new relationship overall, that I failed to force the moment into long-term memory.
Posted by melmac86
I confess I know the date, time and place of our first time because it was the day before my birthday. I confess this makes me feel very silly and that I don't admit to my IRL friends that I know this.  |
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 5:23 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Ditto Bri & Liv, I don't know my number off the top of my head. FI doesn't care or at least he's never asked & I don't really care what he did before me either.
I like to have sex, I always have. It's not a big deal for me. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of my past, it is what it is.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 5:25 PM EST
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In Response to Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex:
In Response to Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex : I confess I know the date, time and place of our first time because it was the day before my birthday. I confess this makes me feel very silly and that I don't admit to my IRL friends that I know this.
Posted by kaitlynmichelle
If I had a rewind button, I would absolutely go back in time to make sure I'd never forget exactly what it was like. I am jealous.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 5:25 PM EST
on theknot.com
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In Response to Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex:
It's obviously a personal choice, but for me I'm really glad I didn't wait til marriage. Current BF is the only one I have felt 100% comfortable with and our sexytimes are 100% better than past times with past men. It's good to know that I would be more than content with doing the deed with BF for the rest of my life if that's where our relationship ends up. Since I didn't post in the confession thread, I'm going to post here since my confession is related to this post... I confess that I cannot fully remember the first time with current BF. And I confess that it makes me feel really sad. I confess that it was probably a month after we first started dating and I think maybe I was so caught up in the feelings of the new relationship overall, that I failed to force the moment into long-term memory.
Posted by melmac86
Same here. I remember some details, but not the whole thing. I remember we were in his dorm room where the sheets never stayed on the bed. I also remember he got the condom out and then handed it to me. He expected me to put it on. Me, who had never done it before (he knew that). How the hell was I supposed to know what to do with it???
Edited for missing words!
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 5:32 PM EST
on theknot.com
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In Response to Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex:
In Response to Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex : Same here. I remember some details, but not the whole thing. I remember we were in his dorm room where the sheets never stayed on the bed. I also remember he got the condom out and then handed it to me. He expected me to put it on. Me, who had never done it before (he knew that). How the hell was I supposed to do with it???
Posted by swhite2012
I would've totally clammed up. That would've been to much for me too handle. haha. I remember the bigger details, like his apartment, but it sucks that I can't remember more. I do know that we were definitely not drunk, so I only have my terrible memory to blame.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 5:36 PM EST
on theknot.com
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I feel like such a nerd with my big number of one. If I was single now, I'd probably be sleeping around more.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 6:18 PM EST
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I, too, would have to sit down with pen and paper. And I'd probably forget a few in there because it's like...a lot. A lot, a lot.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/10/2012 6:28 PM EST
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I wouldn't exactly call myself a prude or overly-religious, though I was brought up to abstain from pre-marital sex, and around here, even living with someone you're not married to is highly frowned upon, but everyone knows that abstinance is harder and harder to come by these days. Not saying people can't do it, it's just more people aren't even bothering.
While I have had my "moments", I guess, my number is still very low, as I could count all of my "bed partners" on one hand, and I can count the number of guys I've ever "done things" with on both hands.
I know I'm FI's #2, but he would prefer to remain ignorant to exactly how many for me.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/11/2012 6:02 PM EST
on theknot.com
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I'm very open about sex, I mean, I sell sex toys and such for a living. I am a very sexual person, and I'm very open in general. I think that sex is a very personal choice and I don't judge if someone has had 1 or 100 partners, unless you are recklessly sleeping around without protection because that is dangerous.
Personally, I've always viewed sex as a special thing and have only had sex with people that I was dating at least some-what seriously. I believe in monogamy and wouldn't overlap as I would be upset if someone did that to me.
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Re: S/O: Let's Talk About Sex
posted at 2/11/2012 8:13 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
01-13-2011
BOSTON 6927305067245986
Posts: 1075
First: 5/6/2011
Last: 5/21/2012
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I haven't had a lot of sexual partners but I've had a little bit of everything in terms of seriousness vs. casualness. I was juggling a little bit the summer after my junior year of college. The fact that it's seen as new is laughable and that it's considered "slutty" is just a ridiculous double standard - men have juggled sexual partners for centuries.
I've found that sex can mean different things for me, that was a big realization. It can mean a whole lot and it can mean absolutely nothing. It can be great and it be horrible. I think as long as people are safe about it (physically and emotionally) then power to them. If I was still single I'm sure I'd have racked up more partners!
I agree with csciano that I'm a big believer in monogamy in serious relationships and marriage. I'd never be able to be in an open relationship with someone I was serious about - I can't really wrap my head around it.
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And if the stormy weather came...I'd just kiss you in the rain...
