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Engagement Question

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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in Pre-wedding Parties
Should I send out engagement announcements or have an engagement party if we haven't and aren't planning on setting a date yet?
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Re: Engagement Question

  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No.  This is for a few reasons:

    1) Formal engagment announcements are not proper etiquette.

    2) It is not appropriate to throw/host your own engagment party.

    3) Anyone invited to any pre-wedding party such as an engagment party or shower needs to be invited to the wedding.  If you haven't set a date or booked a place and confirmed a guest list for the wedding, you can't confirm a guest list for the engagment party.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Makes sense. Thanks!
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  • palmettogirl924palmettogirl924
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I know this isn't the "correct" thing to do- but I've been to a few e-parties recently that the bride and groom threw for themselves. They are in their late 20's and I don't feel as though it was tacky and neither did their friends. It depends on the crowd, and your age. If you want to have a little celebration, but your parents aren't planning on throwing it for you, maybe go out to a bar and get drinks with your close friends just to celebrate, instead of calling it an e-party.
    Anniversary
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks palmetto girl. It may not be proper etiquette, but I really want to have one. my FI's parents live 1200 miles away and my mother is not at all able to throw us one.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You can "really want" to have one, but understand that it's not appropriate if you opt to.
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  • mgietler76mgietler76 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Why not just have a get together with your friends? You don't need to call it an engagement party, and you certainly shouldn't be sending invites out. I always thought engagement parties were for the parents and immediate family members to meet each other?
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  • palmettogirl924palmettogirl924
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_engagement-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:9f12f9d7-5227-4dc4-beeb-1e44d5836b8dPost:c0ead320-495b-4771-ba8c-b9a1ca8fa7cd">Re: Engagement Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks palmetto girl. It may not be proper etiquette, but I really want to have one. my FI's parents live 1200 miles away and my mother is not at all able to throw us one.
    Posted by cristianaf[/QUOTE]
    I agree. Honestly, those who are going to look down on it, don't have to come. If my parents lived 1200 miles away and would be unable to do it and FI and I both wanted to celebrate- we'd host it ourselves. Your not asking people to bring gifts, so there is no harm in having everyone together to celebrate a joyful time in your life.

    EDIT: And btw, I've never been to an engagement party where you bring gifts. The bride may get a couple of magazines from a close friends, but it was never a gift giving event. It's a time to celebrate.
    Anniversary
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  • NOLAbridealmostNOLAbridealmost member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Agree with PP's about engagement parties being thrown for the bride and groom, not by them.

    But I had never heard that formal engagement announcements were bad etiquette.  Aren't those the things that people put in the local newspaper?  I didn't know that was rude. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No, the one in the paper is fine.

    Engraved announcements mailed to people are what are inappropriate.
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  • lanejanelanejane member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I hate rules. You're the bride so whatever you want to do is up to you. I had an engagement party but it could hardly be considered a real one. It was very, very close family like mom and sisters to discuss very general planning, give them my idea of a budget and feed them so they would be nicer when I ask later on if they'll help us.Smile I gave the party but it was only for five people. So it's up to you, only you know what works best in your family situation. Feel free, I say, to celebrate your engagement with those you are close to but keep it informal, small, with just a few very close friends.
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  • lanejanelanejane member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    People break all sorts of "rules" when it comes to weddings. What works in one couple's situation might not work for the next.

    If this is something you think you can do without fallout, you should go for it.
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