Hello Everyone,
Heres the deal:
A lady from my church who has known me since I was a little girl has graciously offered to host a bridal shower for me. She came to me for a guest list and said that she could accommodate 25 guests.
Currently, I'm in my 2nd year of pharmacy school and really busy....so I ask my Mom to give me a rough draft list. My mom put together a list and then she called my FMIL to ask if anyone from my FIL's side would come.
My FMIL, gave my mom a list of about 50 invites that she said had to be sent. My mom then forwarded both list to me to go through and make the final guest list.
When I received the lists and took a look at it my mom did a good job of listing people that were in the wedding party, my immediated family (sister, neices, aunts), and then some really close family friends that I've know my entire life.
Now, when I looked at my FMIL list I do not know one single person on her list or have ever met any of them. I confronted my FMIL about this and told her that I could only invited 25 guests. I also told her that I would prefer to invite people that would actually come and that I actually know or have met. Please take in mind of the 50 invites on her list only 5 of them actually live in the state (FL), and all the rest live in the New England area.
At this point my FMIL with off her rocker and demanded everyone on her list be sent an invite, even the people that live out of state. She also demand several "men" family members receive invites. I asked her what was her reasoning behind inviting out of state and "men" family members and her only response was "Well, they may want to send you a gift. and that's the way I do it, I've always sent two gifts (1 for the shower and 1 for the wedding) and I fully expect my family to do it in return for Chad" (Sidenote: Even though I have a house that is fully furnished and if I didn't get 1 gift for the wedding I'd be ok....my FMIL could careless and feels I need as many gifts as she can score for us. )
At that point in the conversation with my FMIL it was best to cut it off before she said anymore hurtful things like she has in the past. I told her I would revaluate the guest list one more time before finalizing it.
1.) In my opinion I can not ask the host of my shower to send 50 extra invites to people who will not attend the shower just so I can receive a gift. I feel that is being gift grabby? Correct me if I"m wrong
2.) Also, all of my FIL's family lives in the New England area....my FI's parents moved to FL when my FFIL graduated from college. So my wedding is like a destination wedding for them. However, many of them can not attend the wedding because they cannot afford to and the ones that are coming my FFIL is paying all their expenses to come to the wedding. SO....know that I feel even more horrible to send them an invite to a bridal shower b/c if they can't afford to come to the wedding unless someone pays all their expenses how can they afford to give 2 gifts?
3.) LIke I said before I have never met any of my FI's extend family, not even his Aunt's or Uncles because they all live in the New England area and have never visted FL and I've never been invited to meet them up there. So I feel even more wierd about sending them an invite.
I'm sorry this is long and confusing. I just want to do what is right. What would you do?