i went out this weekend with the realtor. dh and i are narrowing our options, and next weekend we will be going out together to look at our top options.
small wonder: the owners only bought this house two years ago, but they have outgrown it. in the meantime, they did make ALL the changes that i would hope that everyone would make: new floors, new cabinets (kitchen and bathrooms), new countertops, new appliances. these people are awesome. i want to give them the "good homeowner" award.
the issues: it is the absolute minimum in terms of sq footage, corner lot, and the yard is all front yard. i think dh will say no because it's too small.
country living: another master bedroom the size of rhode island! the two "wings" of the bedroom were connected by a giant bathroom. it also had just about the cutest kitchen i have ever seen (terrible counters and appliances older than me) -- stucco all around with exposed beams. they also had this giganto great room with a vintage wood burning stove. i started to get all lenny with it, and the realtor was all, "... i am going to look at the other rooms."
the issues: the rest of the neighborhood is becoming teardown city, so we could be "those" neighbors. the lawn goes on forever (the lot is like an acre and a half) -- i don't want to deal with that. there is no basement ... but there is a stabbin' cabin! for shiz, there's a full-size barn in the backyard, with the sliding doors and everything. i could see that being finished as a studio/storage/playspace.
and the majeur issue: right next to the "water reclamation plant." there's a fence topped with barbed wire and everything! whee!
triple decker: this was a split level with three levels. the master bedroom was on the top level, then the other bedrooms were on the second level, and then the rest of the living areas. it was huge! it looks like they put an addition on, and the living room and dining room were greatly expanded.
the issues: stupid ugly NEW laminate countertops (whotf does this?) and original 1967 cabinetry. and the entire main floor -- kitchen, living room, dinig room, family room -- is all lime green. i know it's an easy fix, but really -- that lime green clashes with the leopard print chaises they left behind.
omg, you guys. i was saving this one. it's been two days, so i've had time to recover. but omg Omg OMG. let me just say -- michael jackson and his oxygen tent totally make sense to me now.
THE. HOARDERS.: first, realtor and i knew we were in from some serious nonsense when we walked into the unlocked house and a cat hissed at us. oh wait -- one of FOUR cats hissed at us. the dog, it turned out, was locked in a carrier.
anyway, the homeowners were expecting us, and not a single light was on -- and not a thing had been cleaned or put away. there were piles of stuff on the dining table, kitchen counter, etc. the staircase was partially carpeted, and there were just ROLLS of cat hair in the risers.
we went through the kitchen (which was gorgeous -- new cabinets, corian counters, beadboard ceiling) and went to the back porch -- to get some air. that's also how we noticed the floor was sagging.
realtor went back in and saw cat poo on the dining room floor, and i said, "let's look upstairs and downstairs QUICKLY and then let's leave." one of the upstairs bedrooms was an "office" and by office i mean three walls with bookshelves crammed with books all unorganized and not caring about the books and then an insanely sad master bedroom that was all dark furniture and more stuff all crammed on top of the furniture and underneath it and lying on the floor next to it. and maybe another cat.
the basement would have been nice -- finished hardwood floors, separate rooms, projection tv, wine closet (like, room for 60 bottles of wine, glasses and even one of those wall-mounted openers) -- if it wasn't for the terrifying collection of old toys and the four litterboxes.
oh -- and the art collection. OMG YOU GUYS THE ART COLLECTION.
so there is clearly a child there who is an "artist." and by artist, i mean, collects naturey things and gllues them together and calls it art. but this kid is like a teen because there was a giant -- i mean, it was like 2' x 2' x 2'-- birdhouse called "house of poe" and it had a heart and a pendulum and a raven and black cat and all the edgar allen poe things. except all those things were handmade and not in a crafty way -- but in a "i
dead things and i wish you were one of those things" way. (btw, one of the cats was sleeping and i realize now that i should have given it a poke to see if it was sleeping or forever sleeping.)
anyway.
i felt bad for the house, yo. it was a really nice house and in a really good neighborhood. the house is a short sale, which i think it needed to be because i think they need the money because someone is going into a care facility. we could get the house for a song but i would never, ever buy a hoarder home because i watch "hoarders."
realtor and i got back in the car and we were both like, "i feel like i should call the authorities. but i don't know who is the most endangered -- the cats, the kids or ME."
anyhoo, that's it for now. further bulletins will be issued as events warrant.