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Wedding Woes

PW: The custody hearing (long)

Last Saturday was a custody hearing for my friend's daughter.  Short backstory: daughter (B) has mental issues, stole her mom's car, ended up in juvie, then foster care.  Friend (S) has been trying to get kid back.  Friend's sister (M) wants to take custody of B and mover her to Las Vegas.

The hearing lasted 3+ hrs.  Thank goodness they bought pizza.  The parole officer apologized to S and said that B completely hoodwinked him.  He said he screwed up and B should have never been taken from the home.  Yeah, the guy screwed up, but it took some cajones to admit it in such a roomful of people.

The case worker and the foster parents all said this was one of the hardest cases they've ever seen.  The foster parents have raised their own 4 kids and fostered a good 25 teens.  They said B is the worst and S has done more than most parents, especially single ones, could have.

Sister M thinks B is perfectly fine and "kids will be kids."  She doesn't believe B has any mental issue (despite multiple doctor's diagnosis).  At one point M told the story of B claiming to have snorted 5 pills.  M didn't tell anyone about this at the time.  Foster mom almost came across the table at M.  Foster mom was all "What if I'd had to call you back and tell you that child was dead?!?"  M just shrugged.

Then M got all huffy told everyone that the plan to reunite with mom was a load of crap and either B is going to run, end up locked up, or dead.  M was fine with any of those.  Needless to say, M is not getting custody of B.

The meeting eventually wrapped with a plan to start reunited S and B and getting them counseling separately and together.

Re: PW: The custody hearing (long)

  • nicoleg1982nicoleg1982 member
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Holy crap.  I don't know how your friend does it.  It sounds so difficult.  And what the what at her sister.

    I hope things start to smooth out for them in time.
  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    S must be near sainthood.  That is some crazy crap. 
    image
  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    this will sound pretty insensitive, but why in the world would your friend want the kid back? (I get the whole, "she's my kid, i love her" - but when is enough, enough?)

    at least the caseworker admitted his mistake - that is pretty surprising. 

    i hope this round works out better for your friend and she can get the kid the help that she needs. 
  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_pw-custody-hearing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:c5db64ae-136e-40c5-a9a1-b946a1f4f942Post:5e5d4406-25f4-4318-b240-982e79d8e156">Re: PW: The custody hearing (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>this will sound pretty insensitive, but why in the world would your friend want the kid back? (I get the whole, "she's my kid, i love her" - but when is enough, enough?)  
    </strong>Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]
    Are you saying that in her shoes, you'd give up on your kid?
  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    From what 6 has mentioned, this kid has been a disaster for a very long time.  I am in no way saying I understand what Barbie is saying, but honeslty---S must be a saint.
    image
  • tawillerstawillers member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Oh my goodness.  I'm sorry S is going through this.  I'm glad you're there for her, because it doesn't sound like she has much support.
  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I don't know that Barbie's saying just give up completely, but at some point, shouldn't B be in a secure in-patient mental facility? Parents can commit minors against their will, can't they?

    That's what I'd do.
    image
  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: PW: The custody hearing (long):
    this will sound pretty insensitive, but why in the world would your friend want the kid back? (I get the whole, "she's my kid, i love her" - but when is enough, enough?)  
    Posted by *Barbie*

    Are you saying that in her shoes, you'd give up on your kid?


    My sister has been through similar BS with my nephew.  Sometimes it's not a matter of wanting to give your kid up - parents who deal with extremely troubled kids sometimes have to make the decision to let them go.  After jumping through hoops with counselors, police, courts, DYS etc for 6 years - she'd finally had all she could take.  He's her son, she loves him - but she got to her limit.  He burned many many bridges over those 6 years and she just couldn't do it anymore.

     

  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    To clarify- B has at times been committed to in-patient care for up to a month.  She also spent 2 weeks in a detention center.  The PO and the case worker agreed that they were manipulated into putting B in foster care.

    One of the fears of giving up is that when she graduates or turns 18 there is no longer control on her life.  Not only are the trying to reunite, but also to get B's mental illnesses addressed before she's a "free" lady. 

    S has certainly been through a lot, and has managed to also get her AA and start working to her BA.

  • InksWellInksWell member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    This sounds awful. I'm sorry for this kid. I'm really glad that caseworkers etc. admitted their mistake. That was big of them.

    I don't want to be an AW, but I worked at a detention home/in-patient MHC for teen girls after grad school, waiting for my anthropology degree to become less useless.  I would never recommend that either facility take the place of a caring parent. I'm not sure if that is what Barbie meant (that institutions may be a better place for her), but it seems like the parent is the best choice.

    Dear Rain, Not Today. Sincerely, My Parade
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