screwing with tradition

kimteddy · October 2009

My fiance and I are planning on having small civil ceromony and then months later having a large reception with a renewal of the vows. It will begin with cocktails and hourdourves, then the ceromony, finally the party! I am wondering if anyone has been to a wedding like this and had any suggestions.

mbcdefg · October 2009

A vow renewal seems a bit weird for a marriage that hasn't even made it a year yet. Vow renewals seem more suited for a 10, 25, 50-year anniversary, not a few months after the wedding. Why not just wait and have the real ceremony plus the reception on the same day? Or have it all on the day you planned to do the civil ceremony? Or just have a party and skip the vow renewal?What's the reason for splitting things up like this? Is one of you in the military? Do you need to do it for health insurance or immigration? Are you shy in front of large crowds?

ffmaid · October 2009

I think that renewing vows after a few months is rather silly and implies to me trhat one of the two cheated or that the fcouple did not view their first vows as meaningful and binding. Now if you want to skip the 3 month ceremoney and just have a party later that is fine. However realize that people will not treat it as a wedding as as such they are much less likely to come from oot to your party 3 months post wedding. Why if you wnat to have the big party not get married at the time rather then 3 montsh earlier ?

SarahPLiz · October 2009

I agree with PPs. My older sister eloped, and none of us were there. A few months later, she and my BIL were able to travel to our home town for Christmas, where a lady from our church hosted a reception for them. It was fun, and a lot of people attended, but there was no vow renewal. They showed off pictures of their wedding and introduced BIL around, as no one had met him yet (including me!). IMO if they would have had a 2nd ceremony, it would have been overkill.

duckie1905 · October 2009

It seems a tad ridiculous to have a vow renewal a few months after your wedding. What needs to be renewed at that point? But, as long as you call it a renewal, don't lie to everyone and tell them you aren't married, and don't consider it your wedding (because it won't be, you'll already be married) knock yourself out. I just see it as a huge waste of money to reinforce something that is brand new.

trix1223 · October 2009

Ditto pps. A vow renewal after 3 months is really just, IMO, a gift grab. I'm hard pressed to understand why you can't just wait three months, have your ceremony and then the large reception.

megk8oz · October 2009

I went to a "wedding" this past June where the couple had JOP'd in March 2008 (I'm still not sure what the actual reason was, but I was one of the people they told upfront). They pretty much only told a few friends they were married and then had a "pretty princess day" as we call it: bride walked down the aisle in the white dress, bouquets were thrown, cake was smashed in the face, the whole shabang. Then 2 weeks later, both of the families found out that they had been legally married for over a year ... sh*t hit the fan very quickly, as everybody assumed they had the "wedding" for gifts. I would very strongly suggest that whether or not you were planning on being upfront about your civil ceremony, that you reconsider just having everything on the same day.

kimteddy · October 2009

ok so i guess I should have explained more of my situation. My finace is from serbia and we will only have 90 days to get married. I decided to just do a quick ceremony with close family to get that part done with right away, because we then need to apply for a green card and finish all the paperwork involved. Once that is settled we would like to plan a real wedding together, his family will be coming over form serbia and that will be a bigger celebration. I want to renew the vows to make it feel more like a real wedding because his family will not be there for the first ceremony. My real question is if anyone has ever gone to a wedding that has mixed up the order of events. I want to greet people first have cocktail hour, then have the ceremony, then the reception after. If you have any suggestions please feel free to offer them. Thanks KIM

screwing with tradition

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