Long Engagement Vent

mpaone24 · May 2012

So my FI and I confirmed the date with the church today and its been booked! Yay for us so now we just need to find a venue and we have tons of appointments lined up over the next couple of weeks. But OMG, everyone keeps talking about how its such a long engagement. In June, we will have been engaged for a year and aren't getting married until April 2014. But who cares if it's a long engagement. Financially we just needed to be a better place and now we are but quite frankly its none of anyones business.

I'm glad we are having a longer engagement because its gives us even more time to bunce around ideas and perfect everything before we start ordering everything.

Why is it that everyone assumes that once you get engaged the planning starts right away. It's just so frustrating!!!

Sorry ladies. Just needed to vent a little bit.

notyetavet · May 2012

I know where you're coming from. I got engaged in March of 2010 and I'm getting married this June. I liked having the extra time but the countdown to one year was a little draining. I felt like my countdown ticker wasn't even moving!

If you're happy about it, that's all that matters. Have fun planning!

Winnertag1 · May 2012

Argh I'm sorry! Dont let it get to you, you & FI are doing the smart thing by waiting & saving up. It is none of their business, do what is right for yourself & your FI

gabriel0915 · May 2012

Nothing wrong with a long engagement. FI and I have a 2 year engagement starting next month. Sometimes I get upset but 99% of the time I don't even think about it. Definitely be happy with whatever works for you. Especially if no one is helping. Congrats on setting a date!

AdeleDazeem · May 2012

My husband and I had a 26 month engagement - worked for us!

goobersinlove · May 2012

I'm right in that same boat with you! We got engaged in July 2011 and aren't looking at a wedding until October 2014... maybe even 2015... solely for financial reasons. We just haven't been able to save for it. I get really depressed about it pretty often because we don't even know when it'll be able to happen. It even irritates me when people ask "How's the wedding planning coming?!"

You're not alone - lots of people have long engagements. Congrats on booking the church!!

sonya+adam · May 2012

Totally know what you mean! Everyone's been asking me about wedding plans. Sheesh, people. Let me procrastinate a little, I have 2 more years to go!

Britt1893 · May 2012

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! Finally someone who understands the long engagement!!! T and I are waiting to graduate college with bachelors degrees before we tie the knot. I am annoyed with everyone asking if the wedding is in a few months and when I tell them we are waiting, I always get the whole "oh...so like next year right?". I have AT LEAST 2-3 years left. He has 1.

sonya+adam · May 2012

Yeah, we're waiting til FI gets his bachelors also. I think people asking me about it stresses me out more than even thinking about all the stuff I'm going to have to deal with while planning, ha.

egeurts · May 2012

I've been engaged for almost 5 years.

BriannaMarie12 · May 2012

I have been engaged for 1 year next Monday and we haven't started planning anything! Sometimes it bothers me but I know that when the time is right and we have the money for a wedding we will start planning it!

FutureMrsSS · May 2012

People always have to give you their opinion on weddings. I have had complete strangers see my ring and start asking me questions/giving advice. Just like you said though its none of their business. It is much more mature and responsible to have a long engagement and save money, then to have a wedding and starting your life together in debt. So kudos to you! I honestly wish my engagement had been a little longer I would of changed a few things.

Kristin789 · May 2012

>>Why is it that everyone assumes that once you get engaged the planning starts right away

Because that the way it's always been.
Historically, people dated until they wanted to be married, then they got engaged and married soon after.
It's only recently that engagements longer than 6 months have been common, and that's been driven more by the wedding industry than personal choice.
So when you talk to someone over say, 35, and you say you are engaged, they assume that you will be married in 6 months or so, because that's what THEY did and that's what all THEIR friends did when they were all in their 20s and getting engaged and married.
Doesn't mean that they think you are WRONG.
Just means that they did something that was common at the time, and they assume that you will be doing that same thing.

lumilumi · May 2012

It's interesting how you said it's none of anyone's business but you get frustrated over it. We are having a 2 year engagement. After we got engaged, we did not even talk about planning for the wedding at all. Finally we both agreed that it's time to start planning..so we did and set the date. We didn't have a reason like school or finance to hold us back...we simply just didn't want to start planning right away. It's really what you and your fiance are comfortable with. Who cares about the others!

RailWayWife · May 2012

I hear you! I got engaged January 2011 and will be married August 2013. I am sick of everyone always asking "So have you booked this? Gotten your dress? You should be planning more shouldnt you? Why such a long engagement?"

Long engagements are great finanacially but suck for many other reasons. My friends keep saying that new movie 5 year engagement is my life, I see people around me get engaged and married while we are the "forever engaged" couple. Jeese its 2 years... its not that long people!

In the end though I know its worth it. FI & I have saved more than enough to pay for our wedding, we did some travelling this past year, bought a house & did many renovations to it. I wouldnt change a thing. Everytime I hear a friend say they have loans or debts from their wedding I smile knowing FI & I will be paying for ours in full with no problems.

peekaboo2011 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_long-engagement-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b4fd60e2-3818-4a34-b134-204a459b6541Post:4eca343f-e3f5-4e4c-acfb-a4b378d2cee2">Re: Long Engagement Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Nothing wrong with a long engagement. FI and I have a 2 year engagement starting next month. Sometimes I get upset but 99% of the time I don't even think about it. Definitely be happy with whatever works for you. Especially if no one is helping. Congrats on setting a date!
Posted by futuregabriel[/QUOTE]

I'm so confused by this.

Swazzle · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_long-engagement-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b4fd60e2-3818-4a34-b134-204a459b6541Post:4eca343f-e3f5-4e4c-acfb-a4b378d2cee2">Re: Long Engagement Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Nothing wrong with a long engagement. <strong>FI and I have a 2 year engagement starting next month.</strong> Sometimes I get upset but 99% of the time I don't even think about it. Definitely be happy with whatever works for you. Especially if no one is helping. Congrats on setting a date!
Posted by futuregabriel[/QUOTE]

<div>Huh?</div>

cu97tiger · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_long-engagement-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b4fd60e2-3818-4a34-b134-204a459b6541Post:77ed23eb-78b2-4705-b431-1b9509f4aa27">Re: Long Engagement Vent</a>:
[QUOTE] />>Why is it that everyone assumes that once you get engaged the planning starts right away Because that the way it's always been. Historically, people dated until they wanted to be married, then they got engaged and married soon after. It's only recently that engagements longer than 6 months have been common, and that's been driven more by the wedding industry than personal choice. <strong>So when you talk to someone over say, 35, and you say you are engaged, they assume that you will be married in 6 months or so, because that's what THEY did and that's what all THEIR friends did when they were all in their 20s and getting engaged and married.</strong> Doesn't mean that they think you are WRONG. Just means that they did something that was common at the time, and they assume that you will be doing that same thing.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

<div>Sorry, but that is a ridiculous stereotype. I'm 36, and 1) I just got married two months ago, not in my 20's like apparently you think EVERYONE does and 2) I don't have any expectations about what someone else is going to do with their engagement.</div><div>
</div><div>Maybe 30 years ago there was some expectation of a short engagement, now they can vary anywhere from 24 hours to >5 years. People have all sorts of reasons for having short engagements just like they do long engagements. </div>

MrsMack10612 · May 2012

Agree wtih CU97Tiger. I'm 38, will be almost 39 by the time the wedding rolls around and we will have had a 3 year, 1 month engagement (and we will have been together for 11 1/2 years total by the time we get married). There is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting until the timing is right for you and your FI -whether it's due to age, school commitments or financial issues.

Very few of my friends were married before now; and all of them had longish engagements.

ket25 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_long-engagement-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b4fd60e2-3818-4a34-b134-204a459b6541Post:310ec664-7917-4474-833f-749387ef1e92">Re: Long Engagement Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>People always have to give you their opinion on weddings.</strong> I have had complete strangers see my ring and start asking me questions/giving advice. Just like you said though its none of their business. It is much more mature and responsible to have a long engagement and save money, then to have a wedding and starting your life together in debt. So kudos to you! I honestly wish my engagement had been a little longer I would of changed a few things.
Posted by FutureMrsSS[/QUOTE]

This is very true. You're doing what is best for you and your FI, that is what matters. The rest is background noise.

mpaone24 · May 2012

Good to know I'm not the only one.

I think its just frustrating when its the same people over and over again asking and asking. The answer is always the same, we are enjoying this time just being engaged and not wanting to rush into it so soon. Finances did play a role but like I said, that part is none of their business. At least I have my family to back us up because its mainly aunts and cousins who always ask, except my parents don't always use the nicest of words LOL.

I think for me its because I'm the youngest grandchild by 9 years. All of my cousins on my father's side are married with kids and they at my age they were all married and just starting to build their lives with the partners.

Maybe it is a generational thing, but I'll say this, my dad is not ready to lose his little girl just yet. LOL.

abwatts · May 2012

Dont let people get to you! And it does go the other way around! Anyone who has a "short" engagement is rumored to be pregnant (by my mother...)

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