In Need of Support

flapper2011 · December 2010

I am completely devestated. My engagement may be off. My FI and I have had a HUGE fallout, and right now he is so angry he will not talk to me or even sleep in the same bed. This was completely unexpected. One moment I was planning our wedding, and now there may not be one. We've been together 3 years and have been through a lot of hard times, but have been through even more good times together. I am just completely crushed and heartbroken. I still love him and want to share my life with him. I don't know what to do. In my heart I believe this will blow over and we will get through it, as we have gotten through everything else.
Sorry I don't wish to elaborate on what happened, I just really need some emotional support right now. We haven't said more than a few curt words to each other in 3 days, and I miss him so much. He is not just my lover, he's my best friend, and I feel like I've lost both. I've tried discussing the situation with him, to try to communicate and start mending the damage that has been done, but he is unwilling. I'm trying to give him space to cool down.. but I am so lonely. And frustrated that he won't even talk to me.
I am trying to stay positive about the outcome, and believe that we'll make up, but it's hard being positive when the man you love refuses to even stay in the same room with you. I am just... devestated. Completely devestated.

redheadtmk · December 2010

There is not alot to be said w/o knowing the circumstances. When you say he is so angry at you the first thing that goes through my mind is that you cheated on him. You paint the picture as if you did something majorly wrong anyway. Without knowing what that is, I can't give you a lot of sympathy. If you cheated you don't deserve him.

If your post is coming across way wrong and you did not do anything that major, then I would just keep giving him time to cool off, process all his thoughts and emotions, and decide what he wants to do. It sounds like the ball is in his court and you cant make him talk if he is not ready. In the mean time I would find a good counselor (or church pastor if you are religous at all) to meet with you both when he is ready to talk. It sounds like having a professional third party mediator might be beneficial.

kmd0501 · December 2010

If you've given him 3 days to calm down and he still isn't communicating with you, I think thats a huge problem and maybe you really do need to evaluate your relationship. What will happen when your married? Communication is a huge part of your relationship and if he's not participating in that, what sort of relationship will you have?

Again, there is not much that can be said without knowing specifics. If you cheated, I have no sympathy for you at all...but if thats not the case, all i can say is that i wish you the best and hope you can work through this. But I would really use this time to think through your relationship and determine if your both the same people, wanting the same things....alot can change over 3 years. That doesnt mean you dont still love him jsut as much, but maybe you just arent compatible anymore.

ashley1721 · December 2010

I completely agree with PP. Im sorry your hurting and I hope things will work themselves out. Good Luck.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

I would seriously consider some pre-marital counseling before going any further with the wedding planning should he decide to come around.

sister2groom · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-of-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:37e2f504-5710-43b2-8bcb-24cbdf202861Post:cc1883d2-68ce-4dc8-bb41-9fb21764f83f">In Need of Support</a>:
[QUOTE]In my heart I believe this will blow over and we will get through it, as we have gotten through everything else.
Posted by flapper2011[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry you're having trouble.

I may be reading too much into this sentence, but I don't think this is a very healthy attitude. Hoping that things will "blow over" is kind of passive. You need to actively do something if you're going to work through this, like pre-marital counselling. And if you do get through this, it will be great practice for marriage because I'm pretty sure sometime in the next 50-75 years you will face a problem that will not just "blow over" by itself.

ichellemay1 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-of-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:37e2f504-5710-43b2-8bcb-24cbdf202861Post:e811df2f-78fc-4d9a-b66c-24b32961e06e">Re: In Need of Support</a>:
[QUOTE]I would seriously consider some pre-marital counseling before going any further with the wedding planning should he decide to come around.
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]

This.

mattycam · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-of-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:37e2f504-5710-43b2-8bcb-24cbdf202861Post:e811df2f-78fc-4d9a-b66c-24b32961e06e">Re: In Need of Support</a>:
[QUOTE]I would seriously consider some pre-marital counseling before going any further with the wedding planning should he decide to come around.
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]

This was my exact thoughts after reading your post. I hope you guys come to a resolution and I encourage you to pray.

redheadfsu · December 2010

Without knowing the details all I can say is that counseling may be a good option.

But three days is a long time. So either something huge happened (like cheating) or your FI is overreaching & he may need counseling. Either way you need to stop planning. Do not even think about the wedding for a few months. Make your relationship better & then you can figure out the wedding.

Edit: Was this about the photographer issue/him not helping plan? If so then you two might want to put the wedding on hold & get counseling. If this caused three whole days of not talking, then I would postpone the wedding. Sounds like you two have major communication issues that need to be worked out before you start planning again. I'm not trying to be mean, but if you two can't talk this out, what happens when something much worse happens?

flapper2011 · December 2010

I didn't cheat.
We got in a fight while drinking one night, the police got called and arrested him. He blames me for it, though it takes two to tango. Now he's got a bail bond to pay off and a court date, which is also going to cost- not to mention whatever his sentence will be.

I did not press charges on him, and I told the police not to arrest him, but it wasn't up to me. It was a petty, stupid fight that got blown way out of proportion, and now our lives have been thrown upside down. I was the one who posted bail for him, and have offered to help pay for everything, because I don't think he deserved to have this happen to him.
This incident also made me realize that drinking is ruining our relationship, so I have stopped drinking and intend not to drink again. He, on the other hand, is continue to drink every night.

We normally do not fight unless alcohol is involved. FI has no previous charges on his record, and I understand that he is very, very angry over this- but he also needs to open his eyes and see WHY and HOW this happened, and view it as a wakeup call.

I have been talking to my spiritual advisor and seeking support from him, and already planned on doing premarital counseling. I just don't know how to fix this, as it is serious. I wish my FI would realize I wasn't the one who had him arrested, the police did that on their own. Since it's his first "offense," chances are charges will be reduced.

I would like for us to be able to support each other emotionally through this time, deal with it, get through it, and put it behind us. I also want him to stop drinking. Like I said, I've been trying to give him space, as I can't imagine how I would be feeling if this had happened to me.. but he also needs to own up to his part in the argument and not blame everything on me.

My relationship is not normally this... dramatic or dysfunctional. This really came out of the blue.

tidetravel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-of-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:37e2f504-5710-43b2-8bcb-24cbdf202861Post:8d151d1c-6e42-4eb2-abaa-e4fb5245c734">Re: In Need of Support</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't cheat. We got in a fight while drinking one night, the police got called and arrested him. He blames me for it, though it takes two to tango. Now he's got a bail bond to pay off and a court date, which is also going to cost- not to mention whatever his sentence will be. I did not press charges on him, and I told the police not to arrest him, but it wasn't up to me. It was a petty, stupid fight that got blown way out of proportion, and now our lives have been thrown upside down. I was the one who posted bail for him, and have offered to help pay for everything, because I don't think he deserved to have this happen to him. This incident also made me realize that drinking is ruining our relationship, so I have stopped drinking and intend not to drink again. He, on the other hand, is continue to drink every night. We normally do not fight unless alcohol is involved. FI has no previous charges on his record, and I understand that he is very, very angry over this- but he also needs to open his eyes and see WHY and HOW this happened, and view it as a wakeup call. I have been talking to my spiritual advisor and seeking support from him, and already planned on doing premarital counseling. I just don't know how to fix this, as it is serious. I wish my FI would realize I wasn't the one who had him arrested, the police did that on their own. Since it's his first "offense," chances are charges will be reduced. I would like for us to be able to support each other emotionally through this time, deal with it, get through it, and put it behind us. I also want him to stop drinking. Like I said, I've been trying to give him space, as I can't imagine how I would be feeling if this had happened to me.. but he also needs to own up to his part in the argument and not blame everything on me. My relationship is not normally this... dramatic or dysfunctional. This really came out of the blue.
Posted by flapper2011[/QUOTE]

You don't fix it. You leave.

Alcohol addiction is very difficult to beat on it's own - you cannot fix yourself, your FI and your relationship. This isn't a situation where the two of you make a pact to make yourselves healthy; you're not saying, "Hey, lets support each other in going to the gym 3x a week." It's difficult enough to be around and support someone suffering from addiction for people who are clean and sober. You cannot expect to support him and you at the same time in this. (of course, it's not as if he even admits that he's got a problem, so the battle is over before it even started.)

If it's gotten to the point that you were fighting and dude got arrested, it's gone too far - alcohol induced or not. Regardless of what you think, your relationship is NOT healthy. It WILL escalate next time. It WILL get worse. If it wasn't physical before, it WILL be next time.

Leave him. Get healthy on your own. Learn to recognize what a healthy relationship IS and IS NOT. You may love him, but love alone is not enough to sustain a marriage.

vicki0508 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-of-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:37e2f504-5710-43b2-8bcb-24cbdf202861Post:8d151d1c-6e42-4eb2-abaa-e4fb5245c734">Re: In Need of Support</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't cheat. We got in a fight while drinking one night, the police got called and arrested him. He blames me for it, though it takes two to tango. Now he's got a bail bond to pay off and a court date, which is also going to cost- not to mention whatever his sentence will be. I did not press charges on him, and I told the police not to arrest him, but it wasn't up to me. It was a petty, stupid fight that got blown way out of proportion, and now our lives have been thrown upside down. I was the one who posted bail for him, and have offered to help pay for everything, because I don't think he deserved to have this happen to him. This incident also made me realize that drinking is ruining our relationship, so I have stopped drinking and intend not to drink again. He, on the other hand, is continue to drink every night. We normally do not fight unless alcohol is involved. FI has no previous charges on his record, and I understand that he is very, very angry over this- but he also needs to open his eyes and see WHY and HOW this happened, and view it as a wakeup call. I have been talking to my spiritual advisor and seeking support from him, and already planned on doing premarital counseling. I just don't know how to fix this, as it is serious. I wish my FI would realize I wasn't the one who had him arrested, the police did that on their own. Since it's his first "offense," chances are charges will be reduced. I would like for us to be able to support each other emotionally through this time, deal with it, get through it, and put it behind us. I also want him to stop drinking. Like I said, I've been trying to give him space, as I can't imagine how I would be feeling if this had happened to me.. but he also needs to own up to his part in the argument and not blame everything on me. My relationship is not normally this... dramatic or dysfunctional. This really came out of the blue.
Posted by flapper2011[/QUOTE]
Did you call the police? Were you in fear? What concerns me is that this sometimes is not a "one time incident." Especially if he continues to drink - this could happen again.

I can see why he's angry, and honestly I'm not sure living together is safe at this point. Maybe I'm overreacting to your post, but my gut reaction is that it is unhealthy for the two of you to be living together - especially since he is still drinking. Does he have an alcohol problem? Wishing he would stop won't make him stop.

I feel like something more than just a verbal argument took place, because I don't think the police usually arrest someone for that.

Maybe the other ladies will have more thoughtful advice than I do at this point, I'm just very concerned for you.

Anysunrise · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-of-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:37e2f504-5710-43b2-8bcb-24cbdf202861Post:5c3d59b6-af13-4ef0-a4d2-382279e2fc4b">Re: In Need of Support</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: In Need of Support : You don't fix it. You leave. Alcohol addiction is very difficult to beat on it's own - you cannot fix yourself, your FI and your relationship. This isn't a situation where the two of you make a pact to make yourselves healthy; you're not saying, "Hey, lets support each other in going to the gym 3x a week." It's difficult enough to be around and support someone suffering from addiction for people who are clean and sober. You cannot expect to support him and you at the same time in this. (of course, it's not as if he even admits that he's got a problem, so the battle is over before it even started.) If it's gotten to the point that you were fighting and dude got arrested, it's gone too far - alcohol induced or not. Regardless of what you think, your relationship is NOT healthy. It WILL escalate next time. It WILL get worse. If it wasn't physical before, it WILL be next time. Leave him. Get healthy on your own. Learn to recognize what a healthy relationship IS and IS NOT. You may love him, but love alone is not enough to sustain a marriage.
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with Tide. If after leaving you both get to the point where you're healthy and content with yourselves, I'd say then MAYBE you can look into counselling and working on your relationship, but there are some things that people need to do on their own. If it's gotten to the point where he's been ARRESTED, and blaming you for it, that to me says it's time to get out.

Like Tide said, if you let it, there will be a next time, and it will almost assuredly be worse. Take care of yourself, first and foremost, and don't feel guilty about getting out of a toxic situation.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

Um, yeah. You need to leave. If you are calling the cops on him, then this is not a relationship worth saving. Does he/has he hit you? If it escalates to the point of arrest, I'm willing to bet that if he hasn't yet, then he will. You need to protect yourself, and if he's not willing to stop drinking or get help, then you need to get the hell out.

Like Tide said, this is not a healthy relationship. I'm sorry you're going through it, but it doesn't sound safe for you.

Celles · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-of-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:37e2f504-5710-43b2-8bcb-24cbdf202861Post:8d151d1c-6e42-4eb2-abaa-e4fb5245c734">Re: In Need of Support</a>:
[QUOTE]I would like for us to be able to support each other emotionally through this time, deal with it, get through it, and put it behind us. I also want him to stop drinking. Like I said, I've been trying to give him space, as I can't imagine how I would be feeling if this had happened to me.. but he also needs to own up to his part in the argument and not blame everything on me. My relationship is not normally this... dramatic or dysfunctional. This really came out of the blue.
Posted by flapper2011[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately, it isn't enough for you to want these things; he needs to want them, too. If he doesn't want them enough to communicate with you, let alone work with you to make a real, permanent change, then you need to follow Tide's advice and end the relationship. There will always be time and opportunities to reconcile in the future, and -- if he does decide to change -- to build a life together from a healthier and saner place. But the way things stand? The best and safest thing to do is to remove yourself from the situation.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · December 2010

Who called the cops? You or a neighbor?

Honey I'm sorry but you are not enough to fix his problems. And the only time you fight is when there's alcohol involved? I don't like that. When my husband and I drink, we have a good time. There's no fighting or cops showing up at our door, either.

People have advised you to seek counseling so if you do want to salvage this relationship, it would have to start there. Three days is a long time to go without talking to someone, especially when you live with them.

But honestly, I would not stay in a situation like that. No one deserves this kind of treatment and I have no reason to believe that things wouldn't get worse or escalate. He was fucking arrested. That doesn't happen in most people's relationships.

I want to know what started this fight? Alcohol was involved but - I dunno, is he a mean drunk? Is he an alcoholic? Does he have anger management issues? I can't know anything about him, nor what to do because I'm not a doctor or a therapist but I do know that's no relationship I'd continue in. You deserve better than this.

Jackief11 · December 2010

Did you call the cops? If you did, despite the cops physically arresting him, you set him up for that. Having said that, there is a deeper issue here. You need to keep yourself safe, and it seems ignorant to think this issue is going to 'blow over'.

Anysunrise · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-of-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:37e2f504-5710-43b2-8bcb-24cbdf202861Post:ec4142db-7ff9-43b5-bb95-01e37614d283">Re: In Need of Support</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you call the cops? If you did, despite the cops physically arresting him, you set him up for that. Having said that, there is a deeper issue here. You need to keep yourself safe, and it seems ignorant to think this issue is going to 'blow over'.
Posted by Jackief11[/QUOTE]

If he was doing something to warrant being arrested, I assure you, he set himself up for it.

undyingmizery · December 2010

You need to leave.. You say you only fight when there is alcohol involved? That is VERY DANGEROUS. I agree with above posters it is not safe for you to be there. If he continues to drink and be upset with you, what do you think may happen "next time"? You shouldnt even be thinking about your wedding at this point whatsoever and focus on what YOU need to do. This situation seems kinda scary to me. Things like this go VERY wrong VERY quickly all it takes is a little too much alcohol or push or shove a little too hard... I used to work with kids that were in alcholic homes... You would be disgusted at the things I have seen..

AllAboutTheBenjamin · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-of-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:37e2f504-5710-43b2-8bcb-24cbdf202861Post:ec4142db-7ff9-43b5-bb95-01e37614d283">Re: In Need of Support</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you call the cops? If you did, despite the cops physically arresting him, you set him up for that. Having said that, there is a deeper issue here. You need to keep yourself safe, and it seems ignorant to think this issue is going to 'blow over'.
Posted by Jackief11[/QUOTE]

Are you blaming her too? I agree with you that there's obviously deeper issues and that she needs to understand this won't just "blow over" but don't you dare point your finger at her for calling the police if she felt unsafe.

betrothed123 · December 2010

Another Ditto to Tide. If he was in the process of quitting drinking, I might say you guys have a shot, but he obviously does not see a problem with the alcohol if he plans to continue drinking. Don't play games with your own safety and health. Get out of there before something even more serious happens.

undyingmizery · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-of-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:37e2f504-5710-43b2-8bcb-24cbdf202861Post:cf6994c0-9977-4dea-9bcc-15a57bfa7a6d">Re: In Need of Support</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: In Need of Support : Are you blaming her too? I agree with you that there's obviously deeper issues and that she needs to understand this won't just "blow over" but don't you dare point your finger at her for calling the police if she felt unsafe.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

THIS!!! No woman should be in fear of any man... or visa versa.. Don't EVER hesitate to call someone when you think you are in danger.

tidetravel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-of-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:37e2f504-5710-43b2-8bcb-24cbdf202861Post:ec4142db-7ff9-43b5-bb95-01e37614d283">Re: In Need of Support</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you call the cops? If you did, despite the cops physically arresting him, you set him up for that. Having said that, there is a deeper issue here. You need to keep yourself safe, and it seems ignorant to think this issue is going to 'blow over'.
Posted by Jackief11[/QUOTE]

You cannot be serious. I hope you weren't suggesting that IF she called the cops, she's to blame.

maratea · December 2010

OP- There has been some very good advice given here. Listen to these women, they are smart. You are taking a step in the right direction by not drinking anymore- you've realized and accepted this and I wish your FI did too. I posted about a similar situation here and received wonderful advice. Thankfully H didn't know that what he was doing bothered me, probably because I never really told him and we worked through the problem.

But, like other PPs said, I think you need to get out of the situation. And if your FI is willing to listen, give him information about AA or counseling. And consider visiting Al-Anon yourself. Even just going to the Al-Anon website gave me some really good information about drinking/habits and ways to handle certain situations. If nothing else, know that you are making a good choice by not drinking, and continue the good choices by separating yourself from your FI for a while. I'm so sorry you are going through this- it's frustrating and hard and stressful. But if you need support, remember there are people who have been in your situation and are willing to give you advice and help.

Manwaithiel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-of-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:37e2f504-5710-43b2-8bcb-24cbdf202861Post:5f809fa6-ffb5-49d6-910f-cea681bab5fd">Re: In Need of Support</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: In Need of Support : You cannot be serious. I hope you weren't suggesting that IF she called the cops, she's to blame.
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

Ditto.

MyNameIsNot · December 2010

Woah, you need to get out. Like yesterday.

I'm a criminal defense lawyer, and I have a stack of clients charged with domestic violence battery (like your FI), so I know what I'm talking about. Police don't just show up and arrest him for a fight. There has to be physical violence or some serious threats. You may be willing to ignore it, but something more than just an argument happened that night. 90% of police domestic calls don't result in arrest. And you're right the decision about whether or not to press criminal charges isn't up to the victim. The police and the state prosecutors make those decisions.

He has done something wrong. He should be groveling at your feet for forgiveness, and be willing to stop drinking.

It sounds like the cycle of abuse has already started, as he is refusing help and is making you feel like everything is your fault. It isn't.

You need to get yourself to a counselor immediately. I get that you aren't ready to acknowledge the problem yet, but there is one, and you need some help.

vicki0508 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-of-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:37e2f504-5710-43b2-8bcb-24cbdf202861Post:ec4142db-7ff9-43b5-bb95-01e37614d283">Re: In Need of Support</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you call the cops? If you did, despite the cops physically arresting him, you set him up for that. Having said that, there is a deeper issue here. You need to keep yourself safe, and it seems ignorant to think this issue is going to 'blow over'.
Posted by Jackief11[/QUOTE]
I guess I thought Jackie meant if OP called the cops, she shouldn't seem so surprised the FI is mad at her. In his eyes, it's her fault that he got arrested - he doesn't think he did anything wrong.

I am uncomfortable with the fact that FI is just stewing about it for 3 days now, he could explode at any moment. I suggest getting away from him asap. At the very least, don't keep trying to talk with him about it on your own, talk about it with a professional.

Nattie24 · December 2010

Get out of this relationship. He's the problem not you. If he doesn't want to get help there is nothing you can do.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-of-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:37e2f504-5710-43b2-8bcb-24cbdf202861Post:9f229de3-3aba-4f4d-acf8-f8bd8ce51652">Re: In Need of Support</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: In Need of Support : I guess I thought Jackie meant if OP called the cops, she shouldn't seem so surprised the FI is mad at her. In his eyes, it's her fault that he got arrested - he doesn't think he did anything wrong. I am uncomfortable with the fact that FI is just stewing about it for 3 days now, he could explode at any moment. I suggest getting away from him asap. At the very least, don't keep trying to talk with him about it on your own, talk about it with a professional.
Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]

Oh please. Don't even try to justify what she said. If this douche lord is going to be pissed at anyone he should be pissed at himself. I don't care how he sees the situation, if he got arrested, it's because of what HE did. Not because of her or anyone else calling the cops. People don't usually just call the cops for no reason.

betrothed123 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-of-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:37e2f504-5710-43b2-8bcb-24cbdf202861Post:9f229de3-3aba-4f4d-acf8-f8bd8ce51652">Re: In Need of Support</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: In Need of Support : I guess I thought Jackie meant if OP called the cops, she shouldn't seem so surprised the FI is mad at her. In his eyes, it's her fault that he got arrested - he doesn't think he did anything wrong. I am uncomfortable with the fact that FI is just stewing about it for 3 days now, he could explode at any moment. I suggest getting away from him asap. At the very least, don't keep trying to talk with him about it on your own, talk about it with a professional.
Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]
Any attempts to justify his abusive thinking piss me off. I don't care why PP said it, she's justifying his thought that it's OP's fault. It isn't.

allisong23 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-of-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:37e2f504-5710-43b2-8bcb-24cbdf202861Post:ec4142db-7ff9-43b5-bb95-01e37614d283">Re: In Need of Support</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you call the cops? If you did, despite the cops physically arresting him, you set him up for that. Having said that, there is a deeper issue here. You need to keep yourself safe, and it seems ignorant to think this issue is going to 'blow over'.
Posted by Jackief11[/QUOTE]

Wow, way to blame the victim of domestic abuse. You really should delete that staement, because that is an awful thing to say.

In Need of Support

Re: In Need of Support

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