Chit Chat

What's your take on her behaviour?

So. I'm sick of explaining how complex and dumb it is when it comes to family ties. My bro's FI is in my wedding party because I am in hers. Simple as that. Dumb, yes. But I'd rather that than deal with the drama and guilt party my mom would throw for me. 

Anyway, we are two very different brides. In every way possible. I am all about DIY and being a clever, budget and vintage bride. She's all about modern style, elegance and expensive taste. I can accept this. 

Yet, lately she's been passing some rather offhand comments about my wedding planning when she's "on the wine." She's called my ideas stupid and gives an air of one-uppage when it comes to our venues; I'm in a quaint hall which I will transform with my DIY skills and she's in a $$$$ country club. She's even hinted that she picked her date solely based on her desire to get hitched before me. And don't even get me started on her ring size comparisons. WTF? Her and my oldest bro may have a much bigger budget but rubbing it in my face is just rude. 

I didn't feel like it was a competition in the beginning but the more I get into planning, the more her true colors are showing. I'm trying really hard to not let it get to me. What annoys me the most is people come to her defense and blame it on the wine. She never brings anything catty up when sober... weak powerplay if you ask me. The next morning she either does not remember or at least pulls off a good act. 

What is a good way to put her in her place? Nothing too dramatic but a searing comment that will shut her up for good? I suck at confrontation. 

Re: What's your take on her behaviour?

  • You don't need to put her in her place. She is being annoying but you should be the bigger person and ignore it. Don't discuss wedding plans with her anymore. Be happy you are getting married with a wedding that you are happy with. Doing anything else will just cause more drama.


  • It sounds like everyone attributes her behavior to being intoxicated.  Which is no excuse, but trying to put her in her place when she is intoxicated will only make matters worse.

    Be happy with your plans and don't worry about hers.  And knock her socks off with how awesome your wedding is.  Since she's getting married first, that will be the best way to put her in her place.
  • You don't need to say anything to her.  She is trying to get you to react.  Stop discussing wedding plans with her.  Just go ahead with your plans to transform the hall and show her how amazing a DIY wedding can be and be proud of yourself for what you are doing without using a lot of money.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    BabyFruit Ticker
    TTC #1 since 08/11 IUI#2 = BFP!
  • I hate when people use alcohol as a defense.

    She sucks, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that.  I don't know what to tell you, because I'd get "on the wine" too and let her have it then be like OMG it's just the wine, people. 
    Crosswalk
  • I agree, you don't need to do anything to "put her in her place"--just have the amazing wedding you're planning on having.  She sounds really obnoxious, and I'm sorry you have to deal with her, though.  Do your best to be the bigger person and ignore her. 
  • I would just ignore her and forget everything she says, like she apparently does. She's obviously a little off her rocker and looking for a reaction, so do the opposite and be calm and collected and hopefully she'll give up.
    image
  • I think the best 'revenge' is just to have a fabulous wedding! I'd stop talking to her about your wedding ideas, at least when she's drinking.
    People like this, who become jerks while drinking, then defend their behavior with 'oh I was drunk" make me so angry. I'm of the belief that the things you say when your drinking are usually the things you woudln't have the nerve to say when your sober.
  • That's awful! I'm sorry you have to deal with that, dear.
    I agree with PPs, though. Don't do or say anything to try to one-up her back, that just brings you down to her level. Be the bigger person and ignore her stupid comments and do everything you're doing! Don't talk to her about wedding plans and be happy with what you're doing and don't bother yourself about her.
    *marc & catrina*
    *10.9.10*
  • luckyme502luckyme502 member
    1000 Comments
    edited February 2010
    So, your FI gave you the ring?  Did he talk to your dad and propose again, or did he just give it to you since he already asked?  Also, are you sure you're not being overly sensitive about what your FSIL is saying since you stated before that when she talks about her wedding plans you feel sad and bitter, and now she seems to have a way bigger budget than you?  Maybe you're still just sad and bitter? 

    You could always say something about bigger more expensive weddings don't lead to happier marriages.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    2011 Reading Challenge

    Jessica has read 16 books toward her goal of 150 books.
    hide
    "It's fine to have an open mind, just not so open your brains fall out."
  • I'd be tempted to say to her the next time she sobers up, "You probably shouldn't drink.  You're a real b**** when you drink."
    image

    Stop The Drama!

    image Love people. Use things. Never confuse the two.
  • Really, if you are having the wedding you want what is the point of calling her out?  She wants a reaction out of you-that will make her feel superior.  Why give her the satisfaction?
  • LOL on above. 

    If I were you I would stop talking about your wedding with her.  Dont share anything with her.  When she brings up her wedding, just repsond with "Oh thats nice" and let that be it.  She may get the hint with your silence.

    Dont worry about what she thinks.  This is your wedding not hers.  Who cares what she is doing.  Your wedding is going to be so special.
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
  • luckyme502luckyme502 member
    1000 Comments
    edited February 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_whats-her-behaviour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:147abef5-7252-4685-a294-e8a2218fa851Post:1a8bca01-4440-4aea-92b4-09521ed3bfca">Re: What's your take on her behaviour?</a>:
    [QUOTE]luckyme502, you're pretty lame in a creepy ass stalkish kind of way. I moved on so I think someone in another country, who has no idea who I am, should probably get over it too... just sayin'. And that was my first post ever on here and yeah, maybe somewhat dumb but everyone has been a newbie at some point. Even you! Now you're just bringing crap up for the sake of being a catty ass. Actually, I think you'd get along quite well with my future SIL. You seem her type.  THANKS for the rest of your input, ladies.  Very helpful!!! 
    Posted by Classic_amity[/QUOTE]

    Really, what type is that, sane and logical?  I happened to see your post today and read it.  I'm not stalking you, but if this is the way you react to me being able to remember your other post, maybe it really is you and not your FSIL.  You just need to get over yourself and your incessant need to be the center of attention and have everything your way.  Just because I have an opinion you don't agree with, doesn't mean I am being catty at all.  You also need to remember that you are the one putting all this info on an international public forum.  If you just want the opinions of people who always agree with you try your friends.  And I notice you didn't answer any of my questions.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    2011 Reading Challenge

    Jessica has read 16 books toward her goal of 150 books.
    hide
    "It's fine to have an open mind, just not so open your brains fall out."
  • I'm so sorry you will soon be related to this piece of work (and a little sorry for your brother, too but he picked her).  I agree with pretty much everyone here saying that you don't need to stick it to her, just go on with your plans.  She doesn't sound like the type capable of having a true heart-to-heart discussion with you, but maybe a couple months after both weddings are over, you can sit her down and say "ok, Julia you said some really hurtful things to me while I was planning my wedding and I didn't want to start a fight.  I didn't say anything about your taste when I helped you plan your wedding, what's the deal?"  Other than that, if it were me, I might have a few too many cocktails at the bachelorette party and wait for her to make a comment, then you'd have the same excuse that she seems to use when you tell her "you're SUCH a bitch when you drink"
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Classic_amityClassic_amity member
    10 Comments
    edited February 2010
    Oh, luckyme502. Those questions were an attempt to be rhetorical and sarcastic, which is the most lazy form of humor by the way. Don't even try to say they were for the sake of logic - they were outright catty. As John Stossel would say, give me a break.

    It's just way too easy to come down hard on the web - people can type what they wish they had the guts to say in person. I guess there's also some people in every forum who seem to think they can make an assessment of your personality based on a few posts on some site. Center of attention? Ha! The girl is a bitch, everyone who knows her know this, as she even refers to herself as a "hard ass." Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, you will never have the opportunity to meet her.  

    I've moved on - I have a hilarious story to tell at my wedding about the night I freaked out, a story that will make my dad realize how much he matters and I'm just generally happy about it. Now I'm here, attempting to plan my wedding and deal with some of the wedding drama that tends to be a common theme on here. I'm not the only one with SIL issues; I'm sure if you gathered us all up, we'd resemble an army of brides. 

    So, no. I am not okay with your "opinion" because you're making a lofty judgement of me and my personality based on one online post, you're name calling and best of all, you're not letting it go or letting me try to get other answers. Instead, you're trolling for an attempt to whip out your apparently witty candor. 

    Really, your input into providing an actual answer to this post was about 15 words of your 100 word post. So the motive behind it was probably about 85% catty and 15% helpful. Maybe that's your philosophy in life, who knows? I'm sure glad that I don't know you well enough to make that judgement call. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_whats-her-behaviour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:147abef5-7252-4685-a294-e8a2218fa851Post:07bdbbd9-a5d3-4362-a5c2-3c46a44f2a6a">Re: What's your take on her behaviour?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh, luckyme502. Those questions were an attempt to be rhetorical and sarcastic, which is the most lazy form of humor by the way. Don't even try to say they were for the sake of logic - they were outright catty. As John Stossel would say, give me a break. It's just way too easy to come down hard on the web - people can type what they wish they had the guts to say in person. I guess there's also some people in every forum who seem to think they can make an assessment of your personality based on a few posts on some site. Center of attention? Ha! The girl is a bitch, everyone who knows her know this, as she even refers to herself as a "hard ass." Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, you will never have the opportunity to meet her.   I've moved on - I have a hilarious story to tell at my wedding about the night I freaked out, a story that will make my dad realize how much he matters and I'm just generally happy about it. Now I'm here, attempting to plan my wedding and deal with some of the wedding drama that tends to be a common theme on here. I'm not the only one with SIL issues; I'm sure if you gathered us all up, we'd resemble an army of brides.  So, no. I am not okay with your "opinion" because you're making a lofty judgement of me and my personality based on one online post, you're name calling and best of all, you're not letting it go or letting me try to get other answers. Instead, you're trolling for an attempt to whip out your apparently witty candor.  Really, your input into providing an actual answer to this post was about 15 words of your 100 word post. So the motive behind it was probably about 85% catty and 15% helpful. Maybe that's your philosophy in life, who knows? I'm sure glad that I don't know you well enough to make that judgement call. 
    Posted by Classic_amity[/QUOTE]

    Honestly after reading luckyme502's post, i remembered reading your post and it did make me wonder if what she was saying was right. I think you are being incredibly rude and immature. She had a different opinion based on information that you gave her. sometimes online people are going to say things you don't like but this is not the way to handle it.

    also i love sarcasm. just gonna throw that out there.


  • edited February 2010
    First off, though it has nada to do with your post, I'm gonna say I agree with you that luckyme502 is being a total B****! I don't understand why some people on these boards can't see these posts for what they 90% of the time are, isolated incidents.

    Secondly, your FSIL sounds like a B**** also. I mean, comparing ring sizes? Really? Do people really do that? She's crazy, for sure.

    I say, be happy with your wedding, if there is something about it that bothers YOU change it, if not then let it go. 

    Oh, and I like the ideas people had about having one too many then letting her have it and blaming it on the booze. CLASSIC!

  • luckyme502luckyme502 member
    1000 Comments
    edited February 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_whats-her-behaviour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:147abef5-7252-4685-a294-e8a2218fa851Post:07bdbbd9-a5d3-4362-a5c2-3c46a44f2a6a">Re: What's your take on her behaviour?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh, luckyme502. Those questions were an attempt to be rhetorical and sarcastic, which is the most lazy form of humor by the way. Don't even try to say they were for the sake of logic - they were outright catty. As John Stossel would say, give me a break. It's just way too easy to come down hard on the web - people can type what they wish they had the guts to say in person. I guess there's also some people in every forum who seem to think they can make an assessment of your personality based on a few posts on some site. Center of attention? Ha! The girl is a bitch, everyone who knows her know this, as she even refers to herself as a "hard ass." Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, you will never have the opportunity to meet her.   I've moved on - I have a hilarious story to tell at my wedding about the night I freaked out, a story that will make my dad realize how much he matters and I'm just generally happy about it. Now I'm here, attempting to plan my wedding and deal with some of the wedding drama that tends to be a common theme on here. I'm not the only one with SIL issues; I'm sure if you gathered us all up, we'd resemble an army of brides.  So, no. I am not okay with your "opinion" because you're making a lofty judgement of me and my personality based on one online post, you're name calling and best of all, you're not letting it go or letting me try to get other answers. Instead, you're trolling for an attempt to whip out your apparently witty candor.  Really, your input into providing an actual answer to this post was about 15 words of your 100 word post. So the motive behind it was probably about 85% catty and 15% helpful. Maybe that's your philosophy in life, who knows? I'm sure glad that I don't know you well enough to make that judgement call. 
    Posted by Classic_amity[/QUOTE]

    I was not being catty when I asked those questions, I honestly wanted to know what happened.  You put it out there, and just said it was resolved.  I was curious how it was resolved.  But I am glad you are a mind reader and can tell what I was thinking when I read it. 

    I was not being catty in my asking you if your FSIL was really being mean, or if it was just your interpretation of her actions since you previously posted about her and your feelings of the whole situation, which you said were sad and bitter.  I was not judging you on one post, but on two, and it was not really judging you, but asking you a question if that is where your feelings about her were coming from. 

    You are the one calling me names in this post, which, you are entitled to your opinion.  I realize that you will never listen to opinions you don't want to hear, that you will not accept people who don't jump on your pity party bandwagon, and that you like to attack people for not jumping on your bandwagon.  As an example, you asked for input on how to put your FSIL in her place, and then didn't want to hear that maybe she doesn't need to be put her in place. 

    I would also like to let you know that you should try to focus on the joy of being engaged and planning your wedding.  I have read two of your posts, and both were complaining about things. 
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    2011 Reading Challenge

    Jessica has read 16 books toward her goal of 150 books.
    hide
    "It's fine to have an open mind, just not so open your brains fall out."
  • edited February 2010
    LOL at what's going on up in here! but agreed with kikicurlytop in both respects. that response did come off as bitchy, luckyone502 even if you didn't mean for it to be. most of us come on here to find solutions to problems... so the point of calling out someone about complaining is kinda moot. you're also kinda judging her way more than she seems to be judging you. I think you used the words you will never. hold up, do you even know her? thems some strong words for reading two posts. 

    Anyway, as for your SIL, ignore her. but I do like the idea of getting crunk to give it to her, only to blame on the bubbly in the morn. but that will probably cause more harm than good though! best to block her out.

    GL!
  • "She sucks, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that.  I don't know what to tell you, because I'd get "on the wine" too and let her have it then be like OMG it's just the wine, people. "

    Hahaha, this is what you need to do.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers BabyFruit Ticker
  • I know she's marrying your brother, but if she's like that (superficial and bascially gold-digging) the marriage is never going to last. She'll always be miserable and want more than she has and that everyone else has.
    You should probably talk to your brother. He has the best chance of getting through to her and tell her she's acting like a total brat! If he won't- tell her off! If you let her walk over you now about something as stupid as the cost of your wedding, she'll do it for as long as your brother can put up with her.
  • If she's being passive-aggressive about it, you could always ask her straight out what she means - e.g. "Maybe I'm misunderstanding you...are you saying that you believe my wedding will be less meaningful because I'm doing much of the work myself and can't afford to have it in a country club?" Unless she is a serious, unabashed jackass, this may make her backtrack once she realizes that you'll expect her to defend her indefensible barbs. 
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards