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Bringing up the Groom's Side Traditional Budget

Jonesie1012Jonesie1012 member
First Comment
in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
My parents are paying for the wedding, but like many, we are on a tight budget.  I know there are certain items that the groom's family traditionally pays for according to etiquette, but money is always such a touchy subject to bring up.  I'm sure his family will be willing to help, but I don't know how to bring this up. 

Would it be bad of me to ask my FH to ask his parents, or should I?  I don't want to come off as rude or tacky in not asking myself.  But it's just an awkward subject to bring up, and it would probably be much easier on him to ask. 

Any suggestions? 
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Re: Bringing up the Groom's Side Traditional Budget

  • ksmith67ksmith67
    First Comment
    Don't ask.  Its rude.  No one should feel obligated to help you plan/pay for your wedding.  If your family is helping, that's great.  If his family offers, that's great too, but you can't ask them to contribute.  Plan the wedding you can afford on your budet.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    The reason you feel uncomfortable with this is because you already know it's a bad idea.    You plan the wedding you can afford yourselves.  Neither set of parents is obligated to pay for any part of the wedding, so if they offer, great.  If they don't, you pay.

    If you want to make a case for "tradition", then you need to remember that the tradition was also for brides to live at home with their parents until the bride's father arranged for a dowry with the groom's family.  Oh-and she was expected to remain chaste until your wedding night.

    The above paragraph was just to show that we can't hang our hopes on traditions but only pick those that we like.

    Figure out how much you and your FI can afford to spend on a wedding.  Happy planning!
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    His parents are almost certainly aware that there are things that they traditionally pay for.  If they're interested in helping, they'll do so unprompted.  Asking isn't going to end well.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Ditto pp. Don't ask. If they offer, great, if not plan the wedding you can afford within your budget.
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  • Lisa8888Lisa8888
    First Comment
    Don't ask. If they want to offer to pay, they will on their own.
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  • megk8ozmegk8oz member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bringing-up-grooms-side-traditional-budget?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:5918a4fb-011b-4c42-af53-0b0c768c60edPost:0ff26b96-e69f-4be6-9c1f-688d1cc93a9c">Bringing up the Groom's Side Traditional Budget</a>:
    [QUOTE]My parents are paying for the wedding, but like many, we are on a tight budget.  I know there are certain items that the groom's family traditionally pays for according to etiquette, but money is always such a touchy subject to bring up.  I'm sure his family will be willing to help, but I don't know how to bring this up.  Would it be bad of me to ask my FH to ask his parents, or should I?  I don't want to come off as rude or tacky in not asking myself.  But it's just an awkward subject to bring up, and it would probably be much easier on him to ask.  Any suggestions? 
    Posted by Jonesie1012[/QUOTE]


    Asking for money <strong>is</strong> rude and tacky. Pay for what you can, if they mention to you wanting to cover something, graciously thank them for their generosity.

    If his family <strong>wants</strong> to help, they will <strong>offer</strong> to help. If they don't offer, then they aren't interested/can't afford to contribute.

    I know that there used to be things that the parents of the bride and groom "traditionally" covered, but nowadays the rule book on "who pays for what" has been tossed out the window. It's actually quite common nowadays for a couple to pay for their entire wedding without help from their parents, so by no means are your FI's parents (Or yours for that matter) actually obligated to give you money for the wedding.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Throw away that traditional budget list. (While you're at it, throw away the list of bm and gm duties, too) It is now customary for the b & g to be responsible for paying for their own wedding. If the g's parents want to help pay for the wedding, they will let you know. Until then, plan what you can afford.


                       
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bringing-up-grooms-side-traditional-budget?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:5918a4fb-011b-4c42-af53-0b0c768c60edPost:39809640-9f64-4135-9b61-359b6f0a007d">Re: Bringing up the Groom's Side Traditional Budget</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Bringing up the Groom's Side Traditional Budget : Asking for money is rude and tacky. Pay for what you can, if they mention to you wanting to cover something, graciously thank them for their generosity. If his family wants to help, they will offer to help. If they don't offer, then they aren't interested/can't afford to contribute.<strong> I know that there used to be things that the parents of the bride and groom "traditionally" covered, but nowadays the rule book on "who pays for what" has been tossed out the window. It's actually quite common nowadays for a couple to pay for their entire wedding without help from their parents</strong>, so by no means are your FI's parents (Or yours for that matter) actually obligated to give you money for the wedding.
    Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

    this exactly! We paid for all of our wedding ourselves (ecept the RD), my parents didn't pay for anything. H parents paid for the RD, which I wasn't expecting, but since his Mom is sweet and wanted to be traditional, she insisted on it.
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  • jenn.danieljenn.daniel
    First Comment
    FMIL sat ME down and asked what she could help with, financially.  SInce, traditionally, the groom's family pays for the RD, I told her it'd be wonderful if they could take care of the costs for the RD.  She said they were planning on doing that anyway and added, "How about we take care of the church too, since we've attended there for so long?"  I accepted and thanked her.  Moral of the story: they will offer if they are willing to help out.  They may offer more than you ever thought they would, which is what happend to me. 

    If they can't help financially, they may know someone who'd be willing to do the cake at-cost.  you can absolutely ask if they know someone who might be helpful!  Or maybe FMIL would be willing to take the shears to her rose bushes for the bouquets.  FFIL might want to show off his grilling skills for the RD.  You never know.  There are many ways besides financially that they could help.
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  • lmcit23lmcit23 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Don't ask his parents way to awkward - if your fiance feels comfortable asking if they are going to contribute in anyway thats ok but not you.
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  • lashanda1lashanda1 member
    First Comment
    one poster made a very good suggestion.... Sit down with your FMIL, FFIL and FI and let them know what your budget is...if they can assist they will offer if they can't they will say so...

    Very few people do anything unprompted and many need an opening to conversation.. They may feel just as awkward as you... your FI may want to broach the subject with the parents quietly so they are not embarassed...

    Have a lovely wedding regardless and congratulations
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