Did your FI get your family's blessing before proposing?

Knot Kathleen · March 2012

Mind answering a quick question for The Knot Live team?

Thanks!

littleluckypenny · March 2012

A bit in between. FI didn't ask my dad; he pretty much told him of his plans to propose, he didn't ask. My dad gave his blessing.

sweetdreamz6700 · March 2012

I voted no....but don't think its old school at all. FI didn't have to ask my mom for her blessing, she was asking him when he was gonna ask loooong before then. And my dad passed away before he got the chance to ask him.

ceh789 · March 2012

He did, even though I didn't particularly want him to. He also told me that if my father had said no he wouldn't have proposed which made me slightly mad. Fortunately my family, particularly my dad, is crazy about FI and there was absolutely no chance he wouldn't get his blessing.

ChristineNB · March 2012

He did not get my father's blessing or tell my father beforehand, which is how I wanted it. I had told him that I thought asking my father's permission was old school, I am my own person, and I did not want him asking. I was pleased that he honored my wishes.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2012

Pardon me, Kathleen, but helllllll no.

fpaemp2011 · March 2012

Yes, DH asked my dad's permission before he proposed. Mom was not a part of the conversation, but dad knew where she stood, and they were both very supportive of our relationship. We're both Christians and believe that daughters are under their father's authority before they are married, and then under their husband's. We knew we wanted to get married, and had been "courdating" for a little over a year when he asked. He proposed about 3 weeks later, and we were married 16 months after that.

DramaGeek · March 2012

Nope. I'm my own person and make my own decisions. I talked to my mom about it before we were officially engaged, when we were discussing a date, and then when it was official we told all the parents.

monkeysip · March 2012

FI came and showed my mom the ring, sort of asking for a blessing. He already knew my mom would be happy and supported it, so it wasn't like asking for permission.

He did not do the same for my dad, who lives across the country.

losttimetraveler · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-your-fi-get-your-familys-blessing-before-proposing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:facf6702-3932-4376-bb24-cf19df9111aaPost:81c6710d-dbac-4867-8ede-70e91d74a339">Re: Did your FI get your family's blessing before proposing?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did your FI get your family's blessing before proposing? : I am sorry, but the majority of Christians do not believe this.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
My parents do. Its kind of causing some awdwardness at home because I'm in the military, and I haven't been "under their authority" for over a year. However, they are annoyed that my boyfriend and I are planning on getting married, and we never went to them first, and they aren't quite sure how to mesh their beliefs that I'm still under my dad's authority in this matter with the reality that I"m an adult making my own desicions.
They'll just have to put up with it. I personally wanted to go to them first (and so did my boyfriend, we're both the traditional sort) but it just sort ended up this way.

frig05 · March 2012

My fiance didn't ask, but I also don't think it is necessarily old school. I just think that it was not for me. I don't have the best relationship with my father. But my fiance and I had already been talking about marriage around them for the past few months. We already basically had the date and everything. So they already knew it was coming.

Gabrielle76 · March 2012

My FI asked my dad for his blessing before he asked me, and I really liked that. I'm a big fan of traditions like that (dad will be 'giving me away' at the wedding). It's not that my parents 'own' me, it's just a nice nod to their part in my life, and a way for my FI to show my dad how much he respects him.

random4180 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-your-fi-get-your-familys-blessing-before-proposing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:facf6702-3932-4376-bb24-cf19df9111aaPost:c6feade9-b7f9-41d6-82a1-952867ecb973">Re: Did your FI get your family's blessing before proposing?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI asked my dad for his blessing before he asked me, and I really liked that. I'm a big fan of traditions like that (dad will be 'giving me away' at the wedding). It's not that my parents 'own' me, it's just a nice nod to their part in my life, and a way for my FI to show my dad how much he respects him.
Posted by Gabrielle76[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto to that; it's just family tradition- my Dad flew across the country (and he <em>hates</em> to fly) to ask my mom's dad for her hand back in thhe seventies. FI had to text him because my dad didn't pick up the phone the whole day when he'd planned to propose and he was running out of time, lol. And my dad even said later, "y'know, you don't need my permission" and we both knew that but it was a nice head's up to my parents- they were both so excited! Besides, we'd been talking marriage, even knowing that it would probably be this summer and my mom had previously instructed me to "let her know as soon as it became <em>official</em>." </div>

halfbreedfox · March 2012

My fiance did ask my father for his blessing before proposing to me. My fiance is REALLY old school like that and he has a strong sense of family and the bonds shared between everybody, so it was what he felt most comfortable with.

I personally didn't care either way, because I am a very independant woman with weak family bonds, but I have a very happy feeling knowing that my father likes my fiance enough to give him his blessing.

saacjw · March 2012

My fiance didn't ask, I didn't want him to. My family situation is confusing, so it would become a question of who to ask and how to play it diplomatically. His family actually has a tradition of NOT asking, if that makes sense. They think that if you're old enough to be married, you are more than old enough to make the decision without needing permission or the blessing of a parent. His dad has even said that if a boyfriend of FSIL asks, he'd be kind of confused and wouldn't find it particurally endearing.

vexie · March 2012

Yes he did! (and I was a second time bride at the age of 41!) He didn't need my parents permission to propose to me, however he knew how important family is to me so wanted to include them in the whole process. He actually proposed to me in front of my entire family that evening

btw... he didn't ask for permission.. he told them he was about to propose, showed them the ring and asked for my parents blessing which they happily gave.

MyNameIsNot · March 2012

I voted no. Not because it's old school, but because it is disrespectful.

divinemsbee · March 2012

Nope. And not because it's "old school." He actually kind of wanted to, but ended up proposing the night he got the ring, and I'd known it was coming, so neither of us really wanted to wait around with the ring in the house. FI didn't tell me until after that he'd meant to talk to my dad, of course when I told my dad that, he just got really bemused. He's never been a big overprotective or traditional father, so I don't know what he would've said to FI besides "okay." I wouldn't have particularly cared if he had; I'm pretty sure my sister's bf will when/if he proposes.

07ultraclassic · March 2012

No.
I'm 40 years old, we've lived together for 10. Not sure what he'd be asking for. (plus, geographically, we're not close - my parents are 800 miles away, and we're not regularly chatty anyway. So... )

I've also been married before, and he didn't ask either. In my head, asking the dad is kind of like asking for permission to have her *ahem* 'flower', back when the couples lived apart, and had been courting some. We're grown adults, already doing grown up things, with children, jobs, cars, and homes .. not sure what would need to be blessed or 'permitted' if it was asked.

And to the group - if he asked dad, and dad said 'No', then what? I've never heard of it happening, but, what then?

MrandMrsParks · March 2012

My fiance asked my mother, father, and brother (my entire immediate family) for permission to ask me to marry him, not because of some archane patriarchal/religious upbringing (we are all liberal aetheists), but because he knew that I would have had it no other way. They all said yes with resounding ethusiasm, and kept the secret from me for over two months before he proposed. We had been together for seven years and had lived together for two years before becoming engaged, and by the time we get married in the summer of 2014, we'll have been together for 10 years.

random4180 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-your-fi-get-your-familys-blessing-before-proposing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:facf6702-3932-4376-bb24-cf19df9111aaPost:82d1dd2f-7058-42e0-8d73-654f6f6fb8d3">Re: Did your FI get your family's blessing before proposing?</a>:
[QUOTE]No. I'm 40 years old, we've lived together for 10. Not sure what he'd be asking for. (plus, geographically, we're not close - my parents are 800 miles away, and we're not regularly chatty anyway. So... ) I've also been married before, and he didn't ask either. In my head, asking the dad is kind of like asking for permission to have her *ahem* 'flower', back when the couples lived apart, and had been courting some. We're grown adults, already doing grown up things, with children, jobs, cars, and homes .. not sure what would need to be blessed or 'permitted' if it was asked.<strong> And to the group - if he asked dad, and dad said 'No', then what? I've never heard of it happening, but, what then?</strong>
Posted by 07ultraclassic[/QUOTE]

<div>I guess the scenario is commonly applied to those situations when you know the answer to the question- I mean, it's kind of like asking <em>me</em> to marry him- he knew I was gonna say "yes." I dunno, I think it was just a nice way of including the family in our moment, he proposed on our anniversary a couple of minutes to midnight in the middle of the woods so it was a private moment. I wasn't offended that my dad knew before I did because like I said, I've known we were going to get married for a while before he asked. And he proposed with a family heirloom ring from his side of the family so they were a part of it too. I can understand if people come from less conventional families than ours but I'm quite close to my family and thought it was just a sweet touch. </div>

Bonzo2011 · March 2012

I voted yes, but the answer is really "sort of." My ring was my grandmother's. Before FI proposed to me, it was in my parents safe deposit box. My aunt had told FI that Grandmom specifically left her ring to me for when I got engaged, so he knew he had to get it from my parents. Asking to take Grandmom's ring in order to propose to me was essentially asking their blessing, albeit with different words.

Bay21 · March 2012

I voted no, but I don't really feel it's old school; it is just not an "us" thing. First of all, our engagment was more of a admittance of our love and mutual committment to each other more than he got down on one knee and proposed.

Plus, I may not be able to choose whom it was I was born to love, but my fiance knows that it is my choice whether I spend my life with him or not, so he knows that "asking" my father would have been a bit of an insult and lack of knowledge about who I am, and who my fiance is, and who we are.

We did, however, tell my family first about our engagement, to a way to acknowledge that my family is more traditional.

MyNameIsNot · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-your-fi-get-your-familys-blessing-before-proposing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:facf6702-3932-4376-bb24-cf19df9111aaPost:82d1dd2f-7058-42e0-8d73-654f6f6fb8d3">Re: Did your FI get your family's blessing before proposing?</a>:
[QUOTE] And to the group - if he asked dad, and dad said 'No', then what? I've never heard of it happening, but, what then?
Posted by 07ultraclassic[/QUOTE]

<div>There was a girl who posted here recently about just that. Her bf asked her dad for a blessing, and he said no, because he thought they should wait a few years. (They were younger, but not teenagers.) Eventually the bf told her what happened, because they had already been talking about marriage. They found themselves in a position where they either had to defy dad and get engaged or put off the plans that they had made together to respect her father. I don't know how it turned out. </div>

4n6chick · March 2012

My FI did ask my mother and brothers for their blessing. We had already been discussing marriage when he asked them. We were visiting my family for a baptism and he asked them that weekend. It was important to him, though I didn't really care if he asked or not. And he asked them in front of me, he didn't go and ask them privately. I knew he was going to do it.

My father died about three months before we got engaged, so I don't know if he and my FI discussed it before he passed. I know my dad approved of him, though.

Bonzo2011 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-your-fi-get-your-familys-blessing-before-proposing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:facf6702-3932-4376-bb24-cf19df9111aaPost:b3705c54-8dd8-48f3-b286-c9ac91914196">Re: Did your FI get your family's blessing before proposing?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did your FI get your family's blessing before proposing? : There was a girl who posted here recently about just that. Her bf asked her dad for a blessing, and he said no, because he thought they should wait a few years. (They were younger, but not teenagers.) Eventually the bf told her what happened, because they had already been talking about marriage. They found themselves in a position where they either had to defy dad and get engaged or put off the plans that they had made together to respect her father. I don't know how it turned out.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

I had a friend in a similar situation. The boyfriend (now husband) asked for the dads per issuing and the dad said he would be more comfortable if they waited a few years. He explained all of his reasons though, which included the fact that my friend NEEDS full medical coverage for an existing condition but the BF didn't have that at the time. Both my friend and her BF were upset and hurt at first, but when they thought over all of the dads reasons, they decided to wait until they had each issue taken care of.

Now they are happily married with the full support of all the parents.

meganpow87 · March 2012

My FI sat down with my dad one night when I fell asleep and asked him for my hand. After he had my dad's blessing, he asked my mom and even my 17 year old brother. He was amazing and everyone knew he was about to pop the question but myself.

ceh789 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-your-fi-get-your-familys-blessing-before-proposing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:facf6702-3932-4376-bb24-cf19df9111aaPost:82d1dd2f-7058-42e0-8d73-654f6f6fb8d3">Re: Did your FI get your family's blessing before proposing?</a>:
[QUOTE]And to the group - if he asked dad, and dad said 'No', then what? I've never heard of it happening, but, what then?
Posted by 07ultraclassic[/QUOTE]
According to FI, he would have asked for explaination of why. If it was a "not until you're better able to provide" or something (rolling my eyes here, too, btw) then FI would have done whatever my dad had wanted (found a new job? I dunno, it's just so silly to me....)<div>I did ask FI - what if it had been "no, I never want you in my family" - FI didn't have an answer.</div>

saacjw · March 2012

In Response to Re: And to the group - if he asked dad, and dad said 'No', then what? I've never heard of it happening, but, what then?
Posted by 07ultraclassic[/QUOTE]

I actually know a girl who this happened to. Her now husband asked her father for permission and he said no (there were some valid reasons and some that were more about control, they were youngish, 20 or so, and hadn't known eachother a long time, but he was more unhappy that she was dating without his permission). They went ahead and got engaged anyway and it caused some SEVERE tension for a while until the parents just decided to get over it. I honestly think the only reason they got over it though is because another one of her siblings was getting into trouble. The couple had a fairly long engagement, which I think helped matters.

AurorasEnvy · March 2012

FI did, but it doesn't really have anything to do with getting "permission". I don't mind that he asked, and I think FI was smart enough to pick up on the fact that my dad would have appreciated it. That is not to say that he wasn't going to ask me either way. I think it was more a nice gesture than a serious question, more of an informing "Hey, I'm going to ask your daughter to marry me..." than asking "Hey, can I have your permission to marry your daughter?"

FI and I are pretty independent and already live together, FWIW.

GoodLuckBear14 · March 2012

No. But they knew it was coming. My mom was sitting right there beaming while DH and I were talking sapphire e-rings with a gemologist that we met at my brother's reception.

Did your FI get your family's blessing before proposing?

Re: Did your FI get your family's blessing before proposing?

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