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How often is there a BESTGIRL?
Customs and Traditions
How often is there a BESTGIRL?
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Ok, so my fiancé has mentioned in the past that he doesn't really have a best friend that could serve as a bestman. He brought up the question last weeekend if girls could serve as a 'best
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How often is there a BESTGIRL?
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Ok, so my fiancé has mentioned in the past that he doesn't really have a best friend that could serve as a bestman. He brought up the question last weeekend if girls could serve as a 'best
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How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/9/2012 7:09 PM EST on theknot.com
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 Ok, so my fiancé has mentioned in the past that he doesn't really have a best friend that could serve as a bestman. He brought up the question last weeekend if girls could serve as a 'bestgirl' because his bestfriend is a girl.

I don't have anything against his friend. But I'm not necessarily comfortable about changing custom and tradition. The guys he has chosen to be in our wedding could very well serve as a bestman and I told him that.

My question is, how often has there been a wedding where a girl actually has served as a bestgirl or even where a guy has served as the man-of-honor? Those who personally dealt with it, how did you feel about it?

I know that he will probably go with what I want just to make me happy on some things but would it make me look bad if I told him how I felt?
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/9/2012 7:14 PM EST on theknot.com
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 I've never been to a wedding that did this. However, personally, I think it's really cute and if his best friend is a girl then for sure he could have her be his 'best man' however you want to say it. Her being there beside him is more important than trying to go along with customs and traditions just for the sake of it. I think it should be his choice!
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/9/2012 7:32 PM EST on theknot.com
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 I was a BM in a wedding this past Dec. At the ceremony on the Brides side, it went Maid-of-honor, groomsman, bridesmaid, groomsman, bridesmaid, junior bridesmaid. Then on the guys side, it went Bestman, bridesman, groomsman, bridesmaid, groomsman, junior groomsman. So basically boy, girl, boy, girl, etc.

I don't think it would look bad at all. I mean if that is his best friend, even though she is a girl, and he wants her in the wedding, then she should have a part in it. After all it is his wedding too. I agree with PP, its a cute idea and who cares about customs and traditions :)
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/9/2012 7:51 PM EST on theknot.com
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 Mixed gender wedding parties are very common.  The idea that women are only friends with women and that men are only friends with men is very old fashioned.  Personally, I've seen them at about half of the weddings I've been to going back to the mid 90's.  

However, unless she is a child, she should be known as the best woman or a groom's woman.  The term "girl" sounds like a flower girl.  (But I have seen a best girl that was the groom's 10 year old daughter.)
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/9/2012 9:29 PM EST on theknot.com
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 In Response to Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?:
Mixed gender wedding parties are very common.  The idea that women are only friends with women and that men are only friends with men is very old fashioned.  Personally, I've seen them at about half of the weddings I've been to going back to the mid 90's.   However, unless she is a child, she should be known as the best woman or a groom's woman.  The term "girl" sounds like a flower girl.  (But I have seen a best girl that was the groom's 10 year old daughter.)
Posted by MyNameIsNot


This exactly. I hate it when people call women "girls"
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/9/2012 11:00 PM EST on theknot.com
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 Remember that many traditions are sexist and archaic. Don't be afraid to completely ignore them!
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/10/2012 4:24 AM EST on theknot.com
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 I have seen two weddings where there were mixed gender bridal parties.  A high school friend of mine had two bridesmen and called her bridal party her "brides people."  Another groom had a "groomswoman."  She wore the same dress as the bridesmaids, but in black to match the groomsmens' tuxedos.

I don't think it would be weird and it should be fine in my opinion.
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/10/2012 7:29 AM EST on theknot.com
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 We had a mixed gender bridal party. It's not odd at all.

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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/10/2012 9:04 AM EST on theknot.com
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 I'm going to one in the spring with a mixed gender bridal party (including a "Best Women"- the groom's sister who he's really close to).  I'm also having a mixed gender bridal party in my own wedding.  I've also heard about a ton more friends of friends doing that, and it appears regularly in pictures in bridal magazines, TV shows, movies, etc.  It's not really a necessary tradition anymore- plus it's weird to make women who are close to the groom stand up on the bride's side and vice versa.

Agree with PPs, however, that unless she's like 10, she's a "Best Woman, Groomswoman, or Groomsmaid," not a "girl." 

ETA: Also, to answer your last question, yes it would make you look bad to insist on this.  He chooses his own bridal party and you don't get much say in it.  Unless you're like, mortal enemies with someone he wants as a groomsman, he decides who he wants.
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/10/2012 11:55 AM EST on theknot.com
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 I've seen Best Women before and I think it's awesome. In fact, it's my goal to one day be a Groomswoman. Sometimes someone's best friend is just of the opposite sex, it happens. I've been in a mixed bridal party before and no one thought anything of it.

And yes, I think it would look very intefering, not to mention insecure on your part, to insist that he stick to the "traditional" arrangement for no other reason than tradition. If I were him I'd be wondering if you were jealous of the Best Woman. Or like you're a little controlling. I doubt you think he should get to pick and choose who your best friend is, and the opposite should be true as well.
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/10/2012 12:35 PM EST on theknot.com
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 I don't get bothered by mixed gender wedding parties but I do not like the "Best woman" for the Groom or "Groom's Woman"...that just sounds like those titles belong to the bride...the bride should be the groom's woman and the best woman for the groom.

I would just try to find a different name for the title. 
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/10/2012 1:08 PM EST on theknot.com
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 In Response to How often is there a BESTGIRL?:
But I'm not necessarily comfortable about changing custom and tradition.
Posted by kcfan1329


Yes, women can stand on the groom's side, just as they can be doctors and lawyers and lumberjacks and professional wrestlers.  It's not a big deal, and you shouldn't prevent your fiance from having the people who are emotionally the closest to him stand on his side just because you've got some weird hang-up about other's people's genitals.
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/10/2012 1:44 PM EST on theknot.com
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 My husband and I each had 3 attendants. His were all men, but mine were 2 girl friends and my brother. No one thought it was weird.
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/10/2012 2:01 PM EST on theknot.com
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 I was in a wedding last summer where there was a woman on the grooms side. I believe they called her a groomsmaid.

For our wedding, FI is having his Best friend since kindergarten as his Best Man. She is a woman, but decided she wanted to still be Best Man. If that's the title she wants, that's fine with me. She is a great friend, and I know FI couldn't imagine the day without her standing next to him.

Funny story, this friend is actually the first girl he ever proposed to, at her 6th birthday party. He apparently got up on a chair and announced "I'm going to marry B when we grow up!" According to the moms, she threw punch or cake at him. I kind of hope that when she gives the toast at the wedding, she tells that story, makes me laugh every time!
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/10/2012 3:14 PM EST on theknot.com
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 In Response to How often is there a BESTGIRL?:
Ok, so my fiancé has mentioned in the past that he doesn't really have a best friend that could serve as a bestman. He brought up the question last weeekend if girls could serve as a 'bestgirl' because his bestfriend is a girl. I don't have anything against his friend. But I'm not necessarily comfortable about changing custom and tradition. The guys he has chosen to be in our wedding could very well serve as a bestman and I told him that. My question is, how often has there been a wedding where a girl actually has served as a bestgirl or even where a guy has served as the man-of-honor? Those who personally dealt with it, how did you feel about it? I know that he will probably go with what I want just to make me happy on some things but would it make me look bad if I told him how I felt?
Posted by kcfan1329

 
I was BEST WO-MAN in my dad's wedding last year....its all about surrounding yourself with the people who mean the most to you and who you want there...A wedding party is basically representatives for the bride and groom...so whoever that may be should be involved in your wedding!!! :o)
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/10/2012 3:21 PM EST on theknot.com
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 I would suggest dropping the "Best Woman" or "Grooms maid" titles and just calling everyone Attendants or Honor Attendents. Keeps it neutral, and everyone will still be able to figure out who's who by where they are standing and who does speeches.
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/10/2012 9:03 PM EST on theknot.com
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 I love the idea so long you are comfortable with it that's all that matters.
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/10/2012 9:20 PM EST on theknot.com
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 my cousin had a "best girl".
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/11/2012 4:52 AM EST on theknot.com
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 Ah, my best friend really doesn't like the words 'Maid of honor', and we decided to call her my 'best woman', so I thought the topic would be about that too.

There's nothing wrong with mixed gender bridal parties. FI and I have both one attendant, our best friends who happen to be a man and a woman. However, FI has a tight knit group of friends, and the girlfriend from his best man is one of his best friends too. We asked the best man during dinner where another couple was present too, and he apologized to his other male friend for not asking him. Than the best man's girlfriend was pretty offended that she wasn't even considered :). And right she is!

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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/11/2012 11:33 AM EST on theknot.com
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 I had a man of honor. My husband had a groomslady.   It wasn't weird at all.
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/11/2012 2:39 PM EST on theknot.com
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 When my parents got married back in the 80s my aunt was my dad's "best woman." I always thought that was an awesome concept because she was the person closest to him besides my mom and it would have been sad if she wasn't honored just because she happened to not be male. She wore a black dress with white accents and it went really great with the men's tuxes. It was even less common back then, so I see no reason not to go ahead with it now.

The only other thought I have is maybe asking her what kind of title she would be comfortable with for programs if you are having them. While I don't personally get offended by the term girl, I can see how some people might, so you can avoid any weird feelings by just letting her choose a title.
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/11/2012 6:42 PM EST on theknot.com
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 I think it's rude of you to decide for him who will stand next to him on his wedding day.  Did he tell you who was going to stand next to you?
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/12/2012 2:18 PM EST on theknot.com
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 My brother had a Best Girl in his wedding last spring. It worked really well. They had grown up together, and it was quite fitting. She wore a dress the same color as the all the bridesmaids but stood on my brother's side. It was pretty awesome.
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/12/2012 2:33 PM EST on theknot.com
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 That is not at all unusual these days.  Think about it....the wedding party should be made up of the people the couple feel closest to, and why should they be limited by gender? "You can't have your dearest friend stand up for you, because you have different genitalia." That's not so nice, is it?

Let him have his Best Woman.
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/12/2012 5:30 PM EST on theknot.com
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 I'm my brothers Best Wo-Man and he's my Man of Honor. I couldn't imagine having anyone else be my number one on such an important day, and i feel lucky he agrees with me :) I love the way our wedding parties are, and I think it makes it a little more special!
 I think it's silly nowadays to limit sides to gender. Your fiance should be able to have his best girlfriend with him on such an important day. You can share with him your thoughts, but think about how you would feel if he told you he didn't want your maid of honor to stand up there with you. He should have whatever makes him happy.
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/12/2012 7:18 PM EST on theknot.com
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 I'm having two "Men of Honor" and my fiance's sister will be on his side.  

If there could be any jealousy issues with his friend, though, say something to him before it is a big issue!
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/12/2012 8:30 PM EST on theknot.com
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 Not only have I been in a wedding with a "Best Woman", but my FI has chosen one of his best girl friends to be his Best Woman. I'm even having a guy on my side as a "Bridesman". I'd say go for it. Pick people for how close they are to you not by what convention tells you.
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/12/2012 9:13 PM EST on theknot.com
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 My brother is going to be my maid of honor, and my other two brothers are my bridesmaids. I say just do what you want! It's your big day! I think unique things like that are what will make your wedding memorable to all of your guests :)
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/13/2012 12:01 AM EST on theknot.com
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 In one instance, my friend had his sister as his "Best Sister (ever)." In another, my friend's now husband had his best friend as his "Best Woman." Both of them wore black dresses and a corsage (instead of bridesmaids' wear).
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Re: How often is there a BESTGIRL?

posted at 2/13/2012 7:33 AM EST on theknot.com
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 I've been to a couple where there was a Best Lady instead of a Best Man.  My fiance's best friend is also a girl and she will be the Best Lady at our wedding.  The way I see it is that he doesn't get to dictate my friends nor who I have chosen for MOH or bridesmaids, so I won't dictate who he choses to be on his side.  I've never met his best friend, but because she is an important person to him, I am ok with it.  Since your fiance's best friend is obviously his best friend for a reason and she is important to him (in a different way than you are to him, clearly) then maybe you can see where he's coming from.  The wedding is about you AND him, so you should try to compromise a bit, especially if he hasn't been overtly opinionated on any other aspect of the wedding besides this.  It would probably mean a lot to him.  There is still plenty of room for you to be full on traditional with your wedding without this causing a major scene or anything as well ;].
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