I need help on critiquing this version of the pinning of the tartan ceremony. I need to know if i forgot to include something, whether it doesn' flow right etc. because my writing can be formal and stiff sometimes. If I could have borrowed someone else's i most likely would have

Officiant: ____ and _______ will now perform the pinning of the tartan. This tradition symbolizes the acceptance of the bride into the groom's clan through the presentation of the clan tartan in the form of a tartan or rosette. Traditionally, the groom would welcome ____ into the clan but today we have the privilage of the groom's mother presenting the sash to _____.
Officiant to MOG : Will the groom's mother please step forward?
Officiant to Bride: This sash represents not only your acceptance into this clan but your committment and support to your new family. Do you accept this sash?
Bride: I do.
Officiant to MOG: Please place the sash over ________;s right shoulder.
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