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Turning down someone's offer to host a bridal shower/gathering

Customs and Traditions

Turning down someone's offer to host a bridal shower/gathering

Ask questions or share your ideas about incorporating cultures and heritage into your wedding.

We are going to host a medium sized (50-60 ppl) wedding/reception that will entail cutting our guest list down to mostly family and an incredibly small amount of very close friends.  Nothing has

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Customs and Traditions

Turning down someone's offer to host a bridal shower/gathering

Ask questions or share your ideas about incorporating cultures and heritage into your wedding.

We are going to host a medium sized (50-60 ppl) wedding/reception that will entail cutting our guest list down to mostly family and an incredibly small amount of very close friends.  Nothing has

Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36

Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:39cc0126-d34f-4eb0-be2a-e6ef50a54769

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Forums > Wedding Boards > Customs and Traditions > Turning down someone's offer to host a bridal shower/gathering

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Turning down someone's offer to host a bridal shower/gathering

posted at 2/8/2012 4:42 PM EST on theknot.com

amyelise25

Joined on
01-19-2012
BALTIMORE

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First: 2/8/2012

Last: 5/21/2012

We are going to host a medium sized (50-60 ppl) wedding/reception that will entail cutting our guest list down to mostly family and an incredibly small amount of very close friends. Nothing has been finalized yet, but this is absolutely the direction we are heading in.

I was talking to a once close friend that isn't going to "make the cut" about things the other day and she asked if she could host a bridal shower or some sort of bridal gathering. This was after I had mentioned that we were only doing something for about 50 people (hint, hint).

I got the deer in the headlight stare and tried to change the subject. I am afraid I offended her. Fiance says to avoid the topic. I am wondering if I should be up front with her that I didn't mean to put her off but that I was afriad to agree to a bridal event in this area because I will mostly be limited to inviting family and they are all out of town. At this point, there is one female from my side that is local.

Any advice? She works where I work. I could put her in charge of organizing a work lunch. I don't think it's what she had in mind, but it's something.

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Re: Turning down someone's offer to host a bridal shower/gathering

posted at 2/8/2012 6:17 PM EST on theknot.com

Hilraythebride

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08-15-2011
VIRGINIA

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Last: 5/19/2012

I would just say that you don't feel comfortable having a shower and inviting people that aren't invited to the wedding, I would again mention it is only going to be 50-60 people.

I think work showers are more acceptable if they are not invited to the wedding.

"A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime"

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Re: Turning down someone's offer to host a bridal shower/gathering

posted at 2/8/2012 6:17 PM EST on theknot.com

RetreadBride

Joined on
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NORTH CAROLINA

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Last: 5/24/2012

I hope you aren't hosting your shower yourself?

Simply turn down the friend's offer. It's not an insult to decline the honor of a shower, and no one who is not invited to the wedding should be invited to a shower.

Your wedding isn't until October, so it's far too early to be hosting a shower at all right.

Tell her you're going to have a small wedding, and that you don't want to think about showers until your guest list is finalized.

"I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."

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Re: Turning down someone's offer to host a bridal shower/gathering

posted at 2/9/2012 9:11 AM EST on theknot.com

rlavach

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NEW JERSEY

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Also, don't have any wedding talk with her if she isn't invited. Think about it, she doesn't really need to know anything about an event that she isn't invited to.

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Re: Turning down someone's offer to host a bridal shower/gathering

posted at 2/9/2012 1:44 PM EST on theknot.com

meganb1977

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You can decline but be really firm and make sure your fiance backs you up on it. I said I didn't want a shower and then my fiance and one of my attendants went behind my back and planned a couple's shower. I am NOT happy.

Anticipation...Anticipa-a-tion...

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Re: Turning down someone's offer to host a bridal shower/gathering

posted at 2/9/2012 2:41 PM EST on theknot.com

amyelise25

Joined on
01-19-2012
BALTIMORE

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Last: 5/21/2012

Thanks for the advice. My sister (MOH) and a cousin (together) have already mentioned in passing that they want to do something for the bridal shower. So I'll get my shower. And I will only have women there that are invited to the wedding. I think I did learn my lesson about not sharing wedding details with her. Oh well...

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Re: Turning down someone's offer to host a bridal shower/gathering

posted at 2/11/2012 8:19 PM EST on theknot.com

gananoque

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First: 9/9/2011

Last: 5/20/2012

Oh, that is awkward.

I'm sure she'll understand though, when you apologize for being caught of guard initiallly and tell her that you are just very touched by her extremely generous offer. However, having such a small, intimate wedding, without any work people there, etc., you prefer not to have a whole big deal shower, etc. She really should understand!

Personal anecdote: This sort of happened to me. A newish (at the time) friend offered to host a shower for me. At the time, I wasn't sure she would even make the guest list. But her super generous offer got me thinking about what a kind person she was and how she clearly valued our friendship. I ended up adding her to the guest list (though I politiely declined the shower offer as my BF was already hosting one).

To this day, I'm glad this happened because we are now close friends - much closer than some of the people I'd already had on my guest list!

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