So I've lurked and seen a bunch of questions about issues with inviting kids, making exceptions, etc. but I really need help with my particular situation.
So FI and I had decided we didn't want small children at the wedding because we don't want parents to have to sit with their kids all night and not be able to enjoy themselves fully. And we think that under a certain age there's no reason for small children to be there. So that was that.
FI's parents are throwing us an engagement party in June and his mom specifically said no children. She doesn't want them running around the house when there will already be a good amount of people there and she just wants people to relax and enjoy themselves. So she asked me to send the evite on their behalf and indicate there would be no children. Looking back, maybe we just should have spread the word by mouth but too late for that now. I think his mom did inform their family members with children beforehand any way.
So I included friends and family on the invitation, even if they are long distance and I'm sure they can't make it to California for the party. I wanted to just make sure everyone knew they are welcome and we are thinking of them even though they can't be there. So I included my good friend from grad school who lives in Hawaii now with her husband and almost 3-year-old. I haven't seen her since we graduated in 2008 but she is still a very good friend.
Once she got the evite she texted me to say she loves that I included her and thinks it's hilarious we said "no children." Then she goes on to ask me how the planning for the wedding is going, etc and it's all good. She tells me how badly she would love to come to the wedding (it will be in NJ so obviously would be a long trip from Hawaii) and hopes she will be able to come. I told her I would be so happy to have her there. Then she said "but I have to bring my child if I come."
So do I make an exception for her? I mean it is a very long way for her to travel to go to my wedding and she is a stay at home mom so I could see how difficult it would be to leave her with someone for that big of a trip. Also, they are not originally from Hawaii so it's not like they have relatives local that they could leave their daughter with. And I really wouldn't want it to prevent her from being there since I haven't seen her since 08 and I would be so incredibly happy to have her there. But then of course I have to deal with the other people who have children.
But the more I think about it, I'm wondering if we should just scratch the no kids rule for the wedding. Most of the young children (babies/toddlers) are on FI's side and he said they will most likely not be attending the wedding due to it being across the country (his brother was married in Philadelphia in 07 and none of his cousins who have children came from CA). On my family's side the youngest child is 10. Then we have 2 sets of couple friends who will have very young children. One couple will have a 2ish-year-old and then one couple just got pregnant so their child will be under 1-year-old at the time of the wedding. They both live in CA so I could see it being an issue for them if they can't bring the child to NJ. So all in all, we're talking about 3 young children most likely. Should we just let people bring their kids since a lot of people will need to travel out of state and it could be really difficult on them? Or should I make an exception for my Hawaii friend? I also thought I could have her as a flower girl and then I don't think it would be weird to have her at the reception. My FI pretty much said "too bad" about it but I don't want to exclude good friends because of that. I'm just stuck.
