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Wedding Etiquette Forum

do I need to send a gift?

So, FMIL has a woman she has been friends with for many many years.  This friend has a son getting married.  I have met the friend maybe once or twice, have never met the son getting married, and have never met his fiance.  I got an invite to the bridal shower for this girl today.  The family is italian and they have what I think are super weird etiquette rules and probably invited me to be polite to my FMIL.  I am not going to this shower.  Do I need to send a gift?  1.  I don't know this girl or her soon to be husband.  2. I'm in grad school and work on a per diem basis so any money I make goes towards my own wedding and living expenses with not much left over for fun things and 3. I have a bridal shower and a baby shower for 2 friends the same month as this girl's shower, so to afford a gift I'd have to pull from my savings, which I really can't justify.

Re: do I need to send a gift?

  • any suggestions on how my mom can handle my FMIL when she calls up and tells my mom to invite this girl to my shower?  FMIL seems to think these things are tit for tat, and my mom has a hard time saying no.  My already let FMIL invite the 5 daughters of her close friends (who I have never met) to my shower and I feel like the whole thing is turning into 1 big circus. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-i-need-to-send-a-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a46390da-2a95-4885-a236-4d3fdb10c9d1Post:3db38da5-d65e-443a-95be-565cd31b8e51">Re: do I need to send a gift?</a>:
    [QUOTE]any suggestions on how my mom can handle my FMIL when she calls up and tells my mom to invite this girl to my shower?  FMIL seems to think these things are tit for tat, and my mom has a hard time saying no.  My already let FMIL invite the 5 daughters of her close friends (who I have never met) to my shower and I feel like the whole thing is turning into 1 big circus. 
    Posted by SB1512[/QUOTE]

    If the girl is not invited to your wedding, your mom need only say that only those invited to your wedding will be invited to your shower.  If the girl is invited to your wedding and your mom is uncomfortable saying no to your FMIL, my guess is the girl would probably decline to attend for the same reason you're not attending her shower.
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