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Etiquette

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No one wants to deal with the etiquette police so let these Knotties help you avoid them. Post your questions for modern advice on etiquette and planning.

Well I erased this because now I've gone back over to recognizing the financial hardship that my wedding destination does pose to not only the guests but the invited family members who are posed with

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Etiquette

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No one wants to deal with the etiquette police so let these Knotties help you avoid them. Post your questions for modern advice on etiquette and planning.

Well I erased this because now I've gone back over to recognizing the financial hardship that my wedding destination does pose to not only the guests but the invited family members who are posed with

Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9

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posted at 2/11/2012 12:46 AM EST on theknot.com

VegasCalling

Joined on
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First: 1/13/2012

Last: 5/3/2012

Well I erased this because now I've gone back over to recognizing the financial hardship that my wedding destination does pose to not only the guests but the invited family members who are posed with the decision to go or not.

I guess my emotions are just all over the map about the issue.

It's still "Vegas or Bust" with no regrets, but with a lot less anger at the ones who won't be there.

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Re: I expect people to come to my destination wedding.

posted at 2/11/2012 12:53 AM EST on theknot.com

mbody

Joined on
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Chicago Suburbs

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Posts: 1302

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Last: 5/24/2012

I think you need to decide which is more important to you.. either the DW or to have VIPs attend. It doesn't sounds like you will be able to have both. Personally, I'd rather have my VIPs at my wedding over a specific location, but that's just me. You seem to be having a change of heart so maybe you need to reevaluate and go from there.

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Re: I expect people to come to my destination wedding.

posted at 2/11/2012 12:53 AM EST on theknot.com

shadowkat08

Joined on
11-18-2010
SOUTH CAROLINA

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Posts: 144

First: 11/19/2010

Last: 4/27/2012

I wouldn't say you're completely wrong in your thinking. Maybe just a tad entitled though.

You chose the Vegas wedding because you knew it would exclude people or keep them from coming. Seems your plan worked a little too well.

Did you have to travel for your familes' weddings? If not, that could be a reason.

Also, travel is expensive. Especially coming from so far away. I'm having trouble getting my family to drive 3 hours, much less across a few states.

But good luck. Hope you figure out something that works.

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Re: I expect people to come to my destination wedding.

posted at 2/11/2012 1:11 AM EST on theknot.com

COSmitty

Joined on
04-17-2011
COLORADO

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Posts: 444

First: 4/18/2011

Last: 5/16/2012

Yes, you are wrong to be mad... though sad is totally acceptable. We are also in our 30s getting married for the first time and not everyone is coming to ours. Life is different. They all made it to my sisters wedding but it won't be the same for ours. I've made it to thier events across the US. I know by getting married on the West Coast that was a possibility but I choose where it is due to the essentials- siblings and parents more than the rest.

As for sibling from Japan... is the reason financial? time off? military deployment? Once you get married some things change and you have to respect that the sibling and his spouse must have discussed this more than once prior to your engagement so it maybe just that they had already internally discussed it and didn't realize how it came across when you announced it.

You said you didn't care. Now you do. Spending money, taking vacation days, and going across the united states for your wedding does not prove they "really" care... it just proves they are financially capable and their jobs allow them to travel. Take a couple of deep breaths- weddings are stressful and it's hurtful when you realize people you thought were going to be there aren't when you've spent your life making it happen for events.

Good luck and I hope you find your happy solution.

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Re: I expect people to come to my destination wedding.

posted at 2/11/2012 1:22 AM EST on theknot.com

Gabrielle76

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NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

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I can see being disappointed about it, but I think you would be wrong to feel bitter. Travel is difficult, that means it's not just going to a party and buying a gift, it's plane tickets, packing, finding a pet sitter, booking a hotel, time off work, etc. Also, for quite a few people, Vegas just very much isn't their cup of tea. It's the unfortunate trade off of a destination wedding.

July 2013 April Sig: Why did you choose July? Because the days are so long!

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Re: I expect people to come to my destination wedding.

posted at 2/11/2012 2:19 AM EST on theknot.com

LucyHC

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Last: 5/25/2012

I'm curious...did you check with your VIP guests before deciding on Vegas to see if they would be able to travel to a destination wedding? DWs are expensive and time-consuming, and it's understandable that friends and some family members might not have the funds or the time off from work to be able to make the trip.

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Re: I expect people to come to my destination wedding.

posted at 2/11/2012 2:29 AM EST on theknot.com

divinemsbee

Joined on
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MISSISSIPPI

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Last: 5/24/2012

Yeah, I'm having trouble deciding between two places that are an hour and a half apart because if I do it in one place we'll have most of the big extended family to party but most of our friends won't want to make the drive and if I have it in the other, more of our friends might come but family will be strictly ceremony-reception for a minute-and gone. An hour and a half. Sometimes it's hard to get people to travel any distance and party.

The whole "If they really want to be there/if they really care they'll be there" line is simply not true. Life's more complicated than that. I even know that the dear dear friend of mine who said that line to me when I vented about location to her would prefer I have mine in one place over the other. It sucks, but you have to make that choice.

And it sounds like you did. If deposits are in and invitations are sent, I get having a few second thoughts that it's maybe not turning out like you wanted; and if they're not, then maybe have a really long think about this. Could it be that they might come to the States if it were in a location where they could also see other family, rather than a vacation to Vegas? I know that since my Mom moved to Utah, that when she comes back South she generally comes to the place (MS) that contains the most people she can fit in within her limited vacation time.

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Re: I expect people to come to my destination wedding.

posted at 2/11/2012 2:45 AM EST on theknot.com

KindaSparkly

Joined on
08-11-2011
PHOENIX

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First: 8/11/2011

Last: 5/17/2012

You do come off as an entitled brat, although you seem to recognize it.

I know hindsight is 20/20 but you REALLY should have checked with your VIPs before planning a destination wedding. If you didn't ask their input, you can't really get your panties in a wad over it being inconvenient for them and their refusal to attend.

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Re: I expect people to come to my destination wedding.

posted at 2/11/2012 3:00 AM EST on theknot.com

Cortney1982

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You can't expect everybody you invite to be able to attend. It's not that they don't want to be there, maybe they can't afford it, take the time off work, or not even like Las Vegas.

I had considered a Vegas wedding myself, but quickly nixsed the idea after realizing very few would be able to make it.

Is it too late to do something else?

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