Infant Guests

mbuckley85 · February 2012

I don't know that I will have this situation, but I was wondering what people's opinions are on it. I already have my own opinion.

Say you invite Mr. and Mrs. X and not their children, to your wedding, and Mr. and Mrs. X have an infant. Is it appropriate to bring the infant with them? It isn't like they would take up a seat or cost a plate. And what if Mrs. X is breastfeeding? Would a couple be expected to either not attend a function or leave a breastfeeding newborn with a babysitter?

I was thinking back to when my youngest sister was less than a month old and my mother took her to the Nutcracker at a local theater. They wanted her to pay for a seat for the baby! My mother had only assumed that it wouldn't be an issue since the baby was literally like three weeks old and not bottle feeding.

I would expect this person to bring the infant with them. I would also expect that they would leave with the infant if they are crying.

em01092 · February 2012

Usually breastfeeding infants are the exception to the no kids rule. It's the nice thing to do to allow them to come, but you don't have to do so. Just be prepared for that mother/infant, and possibly that whole party not to come.

ETA: Some people will remove a screaming child, others won't. Some parents seriously think every thing their kid does is precious. It's really the risk you take when inviting kids that they may act up. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. You can never tell.

Hilraythebride · February 2012

If they have an infant that is breastfeeding, I would think they would want to bring their child with them. If they have a child who is older, and the invite is not including their child they should get the hint that he or she is not invited.

If they reply with the Mr. and Mrs. plus their toddler, you could always give them a call and let them know you reqally want them to attend then wedding but you aren't able to accomadate their little one. They should get the idea that it is an adults only event but that you have class and did not want to put this on the invite.

OliveOilsMom · February 2012

We will have one couple who will have a 6 month old baby when our wedding come us. We have spread to them through word of mouth that the baby is welcomed. We did not put the baby's name on the invite. But they may be looking for an evening out without baby, so I'm leaving it up to them. The under 1 year old baby is usually an exception to the no kids rule.

Each venue is different on how to handle this, my venue said that I just need to let them know so that they leave an open seat at the table for the baby. They will need to put the carrier on something. There should also be no extra charge for the baby, I think the Nutcracker story you told is just a manager trying to be an AW!

graysquirrel · February 2012

I think that it is always appropriate for a mother to bring a little infant, even if other children are not invited. Breastfeeding moms are always the exception. It is too hard for a mom with a teeny baby to leave that child at home, especially if he/she needs to be fed or the mom has to pump.

I agree that the mom needs to have enough respect for the other guests and couple to remove herself and the child it it cries.

Rummi302 · February 2012

I don't think that nursing mothers are necessarily an exception. For instance a mother who is already back to work, so used to pumping and storing enough for a 7 hour period should be able to manage just fine. Especially when she has close family or friends who aren't attending the wedding who often babysit for her. I just don't see why that infant has to be invited.

specialk84 · February 2012

I don't think nursing infants are always an exception. Plenty of mothers go back to work, and some elect not to breastfeed at all. If you have two infants of similar age, but one is formula-fed, are you going to tell that mom she can't bring her kid because she isn't breastfeeding? Mothers who don't breastfeed deal wtih enough judgement as is.

OP, if you want the baby to be there, address the invitation to include it. If you don't want kids, you don't have to invite them or make exceptions for them, but you should know your acceptance rate may reflect that.

And no, not every parent will remove her screaming child from the church. Some will stay and let the kid scream for two-thirds of your ceremony, preventing your other guests from hearing your vows.

heatherjking · February 2012

When my friend A was married, my friend K and I were bridesmaids. K was still breastfeeding and left her baby with her husband, at home in NY, for A's wedding in TX. She had to pump periodically, but was able to enjoy the festivities and participate in the wedding without having to worry about taking care of the baby.

zitiqueen · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_infant-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf9aceae-f596-4840-b08b-faad84535dc0Post:93966ce0-4b3b-4d43-95d7-4a21e6212ad1">Infant Guests</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know that I will have this situation, but I was wondering what people's opinions are on it. I already have my own opinion. Say you invite Mr. and Mrs. X and not their children, to your wedding, and Mr. and Mrs. X have an infant. Is it appropriate to bring the infant with them? It isn't like they would take up a seat or cost a plate. And what if Mrs. X is breastfeeding? Would a couple be expected to either not attend a function or leave a breastfeeding newborn with a babysitter? <strong>I was thinking back to when my youngest sister was less than a month old and my mother took her to the Nutcracker at a local theater.</strong> They wanted her to pay for a seat for the baby! <strong>My mother had only assumed that it wouldn't be an issue since the baby was literally like three weeks old and not bottle feeding.</strong> I would expect this person to bring the infant with them. I would also expect that they would leave with the infant if they are crying.
Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]

Wow, I can't think of anyplace <em>less</em> appropriate for a newborn than a local theater that's staging a live performance of the Nutcracker.

specialk84 · February 2012

Children are not welcome everywhere.

sarahsaturday2701 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_infant-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf9aceae-f596-4840-b08b-faad84535dc0Post:cbf0f5de-3564-4e53-b5a6-e07711cd9d72">Re: Infant Guests</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think nursing infants are always an exception. Plenty of mothers go back to work, and some elect not to breastfeed at all. If you have two infants of similar age, but one is formula-fed, are you going to tell that mom she can't bring her kid because she isn't breastfeeding?<strong> Mothers who don't breastfeed deal wtih enough judgement as is</strong>. OP, if you want the baby to be there, address the invitation to include it. If you don't want kids, you don't have to invite them or make exceptions for them, but you should know your acceptance rate may reflect that. And no, not every parent will remove her screaming child from the church. Some will stay and let the kid scream for two-thirds of your ceremony, preventing your other guests from hearing your vows.
Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

Totally agree with this and especially the bolded part. Infants, even bf ones, are not necessarily an exception. Do what you want, just be prepared for a decline from the parents if you don't invite the infant.

ElisabethJoanne · February 2012

We're inviting all minor-age children. My issue will be babies born between mailing invitations and the wedding. How to make it clear on the invitations they're invited? But I don't think we'll have any first babies so young. I guess parents will figure out the newborn is invited if the older siblings clearly are. Now how to figure out there will be a newborn with that family? How to word the RSVP cards? and I don't want to ask people if they're pregnant.

But for OP, I agree with the consensus.

[Deleted User] · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_infant-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf9aceae-f596-4840-b08b-faad84535dc0Post:da60265c-f097-4f15-bea6-189304fc69db">Re: Infant Guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Breastfeeding moms are always the exception.
Posted by graysquirrel[/QUOTE]
GAH. No it isn't. Didn't we just go over this yesterday?

Also, it is completely inappropriate to bring an infant to the ballet.

+HeatherW · February 2012

My boys were both breastfed exclusively for the first 8 months (Meaning no bottles at all. Just the tata's. Which also meant they weren't away from me for more than an hour at a time and no I didn't go back to work until my boys were 2-years-old.) and H and I turned down quite a few invitations from friends/family for outings because it was clear that children were not welcome to the events.

HOWEVER, after they dried me up and went onto formula...you bet your butt we got a sitter for "adult only" weddings and other adult activities. It is VERY, VERY nice having a night out without kids occasionally.

If you don't care about having a breastfeeding infant at your wedding/reception just let the couple know that baby is welcome. If you don't want kids there at all just let them know baby isn't invited, but be prepared that the couple could very well turn down the invitation to the wedding all together.

mbuckley85 · February 2012

Thanks. I honestly DO NOT have this situation that I know of, but my wedding is 8 months away. I know what I would do, which is leave the infant off the invite, but make it clear verbally that it was fine for them to be there. I don't have a problem with infants and my questioning was more of a curiosity as a guest standpoint than for my own wedding.

Though I'm not pregnant, but hey, I might be someday.

specialk84 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_infant-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf9aceae-f596-4840-b08b-faad84535dc0Post:a6a4be0f-826c-459a-9e14-d488e3eee74e">Re: Infant Guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks. I honestly DO NOT have this situation that I know of, but my wedding is 8 months away. I know what I would do, which is leave the infant off the invite, but make it clear verbally that it was fine for them to be there. I don't have a problem with infants and my questioning was more of a curiosity as a guest standpoint than for my own wedding. Though I'm not pregnant, but hey, I might be someday.
Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]

<div>Why wouldn't you just invite it? They don't have to bring it if they don't want to.</div>

JoelandLeann · February 2012

This is off topic, but it brings to mind what happened earlier this week. NDP MP Sana Hassainia brought her baby into the House of Commons earlier this week because she was called to vote. Her husband was unavailable to watch little Jack (after his late grandfather Jack Layton). A page approached her and asked her to remove her child because the baby was a distraction. The Speaker later went on to say that the baby is welcome in the House of Commons.

That being said, I think infants should be allowed to attend with their parents, but it it ultimately up to the parents. I don't think it's fair to say only nursing infants can come as parents with formula fed babies may have their reasons for not wanting to seperate from the child for the evening.

JoelandLeann · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_infant-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf9aceae-f596-4840-b08b-faad84535dc0Post:a6a4be0f-826c-459a-9e14-d488e3eee74e">Re: Infant Guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks. I honestly DO NOT have this situation that I know of, but my wedding is 8 months away. I know what I would do, which is leave the infant off the invite, but make it clear verbally that it was fine for them to be there. I don't have a problem with infants and my questioning was more of a curiosity as a guest standpoint than for my own wedding. Though I'm not pregnant, but hey, I might be someday.
Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I am going to be writing "and baby" or something along those lines on my invites for my friend who is expecting a baby between the 6-8 week mark when the invites go out.

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