Is This Acceptable?

VRL · June 2012

Is it acceptable to wait and tip your vendors after the wedding - the exception being wait staff?

What I'd like to do is follow up with my vendors in the weeks after the wedding and mail them a thank you card that includes their tip.

Is this done?

All of my vendors (minus the venue and staff) are the owners of their company.

J&K10910 · June 2012

That's fine, if that's what you want to do. Personally I was happy to have it all taken care of the day of the wedding and be done with it, but that doesn't mean you have to do it that way.

VRL · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-acceptable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f28b2244-9003-43db-a9aa-09d917b81fa7Post:8adfa1ba-f290-4127-b241-83094fa2c3a3">Re:Is This Acceptable?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it's "unacceptable", but I do think your vendors are going to spend a week thinking you are either a unhappy with their services or b incredibly cheap. Why can't you just pre write the thank you cards and give them with the tips at the end of the night?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I was under the impression that tipping vendors who own their own companies was discretionary, so I wanted to be sure I'm actually happy with their services before I a) write a thank you note b) decide to give them more money.

If I'm under the wrong impression, I'll reconsider my POA.

J&K10910 · June 2012

Well, I got tips ready ahead of time, but it didn't mean I gave them all out. I kept my little envelope of cash that was meant for the florist. And I sent out TYs to my photogs later, even though I tipped them the day of.

pokepoke27 · June 2012

Ditto J. You can prewrite your TYs with the tip inside of them, and keep any you don't feel need to be given.

You can send them afterwards, but if you give them out at the wedding that's just less for you to worry about afterwards.

J&K10910 · June 2012

Meh, I definitely get your point, Stage, but at the same time, the vendors shouldn't EXPECT a tip either.

Summer2011Bride · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-acceptable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f28b2244-9003-43db-a9aa-09d917b81fa7Post:7faa723d-d0bf-4e6d-b9a9-e8f4abc76da7">Re:Is This Acceptable?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is This Acceptable?: ALL tipping is discretionary. If it's required, it's a gratuity. However, tipping is typically done at the time the service is rendered, so if you wait on it, they will likely assume you are just planning not to tip. Would you wait a week to tip your hair dresser just to make sure you truly love the cut or color? You should have a reasonable sense of how you feel about their services by the end of the reception. If you decide you aren't as happy as you thought you'd be, take some money out of the card and tip less. If you're REALLY unhappy, don't give them the card/tip at all. If you decide they are worthy of a tip, but not a Thank You note for whatever reason, then just take the money out and give it to them without the card. Look, as I said, I don't think it makes you ahorrible person to wait, but you do have to understand that your vendors will not expect it.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I agree with all of this. I just wanted to get the tips done with, so I didn't forget about it later. I had different envelopes marked for each vendor with the cash I would give them if I wanted to tip. If I was happy with their service by the end of the night, I gave it to them. There wasn't a single vendor I ended up being unhappy with. The vendors we didn't tip were those who owned their own business, namely our photographer and videographer.

lyndausvi · June 2012

Sure, although I find sometimes people have good intentions, but fall short on following through. A lot of couples take months and months to get normal thank you cards out. I can see a TY with money taking a backseat and never getting out.

Not saying that is what you will do, but the potential is there, Make sure you make it a priority.

VRL · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-acceptable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f28b2244-9003-43db-a9aa-09d917b81fa7Post:7faa723d-d0bf-4e6d-b9a9-e8f4abc76da7">Re:Is This Acceptable?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is This Acceptable?: ALL tipping is discretionary. If it's required, it's a gratuity. However, tipping is typically done at the time the service is rendered, so if you wait on it, they will likely assume you are just planning not to tip. Would you wait a week to tip your hair dresser just to make sure you truly love the cut or color? You should have a reasonable sense of how you feel about their services by the end of the reception. If you decide you aren't as happy as you thought you'd be, take some money out of the card and tip less. If you're REALLY unhappy, don't give them the card/tip at all. If you decide they are worthy of a tip, but not a Thank You note for whatever reason, then just take the money out and give it to them without the card. Look, as I said, I don't think it makes you ahorrible person to wait, but you do have to understand that <strong>your vendors will not expect it</strong>.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

You make a good point there, and your suggestions on how to handle the tips are good ones.

Thanks for the input!

VRL · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-acceptable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f28b2244-9003-43db-a9aa-09d917b81fa7Post:facc6f80-9f23-436d-9c20-ef3de865e3ec">Re:Is This Acceptable?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is This Acceptable? : I agree with all of this. I just wanted to get the tips done with, so I didn't forget about it later. I had different envelopes marked for each vendor with the cash I would give them if I wanted to tip. If I was happy with their service by the end of the night, I gave it to them. There wasn't a single vendor I ended up being unhappy with. <strong>The vendors we didn't tip were those who owned their own business, namely our photographer and videographer.</strong>
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

Was there any reason other than they owned the business that stopped you from tipping?

VRL · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-acceptable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f28b2244-9003-43db-a9aa-09d917b81fa7Post:006f4cd4-a8f3-440e-b8b4-3643c71a1511">Re: Is This Acceptable?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sure, although I find sometimes people have good intentions, but fall short on following through. A lot of couples take months and months to get normal thank you cards out. I can see a TY with money taking a backseat and never getting out. Not saying that is what you will do, but the potential is there, Make sure you make it a priority.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Also a good point! I'd definitely be sure not to let it sit around that long.

Summer2011Bride · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-acceptable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f28b2244-9003-43db-a9aa-09d917b81fa7Post:0cd57c88-2b04-4ffb-98fa-6c4c34e2ab25">Re:Is This Acceptable?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is This Acceptable? : Was there any reason other than they owned the business that stopped you from tipping?
Posted by VRL[/QUOTE]

Nope. I loved our photographers especially but since they own their own business, tipping is not necessary or expected. Plus I posted positive reviews of them on wedding websites and recommended them to friends getting married. Sometimes the best thing you can do for a vendor you love is help them get more business by rec'ing them to people you know and giving good reviews.

Kristin789 · June 2012

Who all are you considering tipping?

If you have hair and make-up done at a salon that day, you should tip that person right then.

You mention waitstaff - but the tax and tip are included in your venue contract. You don't tip on top of that. It's built in to your contract.

You could consider tipping the florist, but again, their price is built to include the tax and tip and work and flower purchasing and everything - and when would you see them? They will deliver the flowers to your ceremony venue and set up those flowers for you, but you likely won't meet them at the venue to set up flowers, so if you tipped, you'd have to tip after the HM.

You could tip the videographer and photographer, but again, their wedding price is to include everything already.

JessAndTrav · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-acceptable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f28b2244-9003-43db-a9aa-09d917b81fa7Post:b6955268-c36e-4ad7-a7c1-21a22ba3e21c">Re: Is This Acceptable?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm confused. Our venue stated that tips were included in the bill. Was I supposed to tip extra? I didn't.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>Psh, I didn't either, because all of that was included in our venue contract. I tipped the manicurist and my hairdresser, and I didn't tip the photographer because he had zero personality.</div><div>
</div><div>I haven't lost a wink of sleep. Whether that's proper etiquette or not, I'm not sure, but I don't regret those decisions. </div>

Avion22 · June 2012

Our caterer did NOT include a gratuity in the contract, because they feel that tipping is a personal decision, and they don't like to mandate an ammount.

We ended up tipping them just under 25% because they were AMAZING (standard in our area is about 18%). I contacted them the Monday after the wedding and asked them to add "X ammount" to my credit card in tip for their staff for doing such a great job.

I think it's fine to wait until after the event, but I would do it in the DAYS after, not the WEEKS after. If you wait more than two working days, then I think it just gets weird.

You can always give them whatever you consider your "base" ammount (probably 18%, or whatever is written into your contract) on the day of, then tip extra later if you feel the service was above and beyond.

lyndausvi · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-acceptable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f28b2244-9003-43db-a9aa-09d917b81fa7Post:b6955268-c36e-4ad7-a7c1-21a22ba3e21c">Re: Is This Acceptable?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm confused. Our venue stated that tips were included in the bill. Was I supposed to tip extra? I didn't.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>Some venues do not include tip. Ours didn't. </div><div>
</div><div>Only because I work in the industry do I know that a lot of times the staff does not get the whole tip that is built into a 'service charge', so we tip more. By no means does that mean YOU have to. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>BTW - l love Kristen's response. She acts like giving extra tip is a sin or something. If you want to give more and can afford to give more. Give more. Who cares? I've never known a banquet staff member to think someone is 'cheap' for not giving more than the contracted amount. But they appreciate those who do.</div>

VRL · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-acceptable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f28b2244-9003-43db-a9aa-09d917b81fa7Post:7cb15727-5979-4dab-87ec-5bc7bbfd91a5">Re:Is This Acceptable?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is This Acceptable? : Nope. I loved our photographers especially but since they own their own business, tipping is not necessary or expected. Plus I posted positive reviews of them on wedding websites and recommended them to friends getting married. <strong>Sometimes the best thing you can do for a vendor you love is help them get more business by rec'ing them to people you know and giving good reviews.</strong>
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

Great point! I'll definitely bear this in mind.

VRL · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-acceptable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f28b2244-9003-43db-a9aa-09d917b81fa7Post:b6955268-c36e-4ad7-a7c1-21a22ba3e21c">Re: Is This Acceptable?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm confused. Our venue stated that tips were included in the bill. Was I supposed to tip extra? I didn't.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

My venue does include gratuity, however, if I feel the service is above and beyond, I would tip extra on the night of. I saw that as different from my other vendors since I'd be easily able to contact my other vendors after the wedding.

That being said, I'll probably follow Stage's suggestions.

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