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None of her business IMO
Etiquette
None of her business IMO
No one wants to deal with the etiquette police so let these Knotties help you avoid them. Post your questions for modern advice on etiquette and planning.
Long story short, after FMIL gave us a huge lists of guests that we werent planning on inviting, she also stated that she'd pay for all of their dinners (we have yet to see this money) What bothers m
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Etiquette
None of her business IMO
No one wants to deal with the etiquette police so let these Knotties help you avoid them. Post your questions for modern advice on etiquette and planning.
Long story short, after FMIL gave us a huge lists of guests that we werent planning on inviting, she also stated that she'd pay for all of their dinners (we have yet to see this money) What bothers m
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Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9
Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87da0515-bc96-46b5-8f39-23a4271e93a8
Forums  >  Wedding Boards  >  Etiquette  >  None of her business IMO
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None of her business IMO

posted at 2/10/2012 1:43 PM EST on theknot.com
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Long story short, after FMIL gave us a huge lists of guests that we werent planning on inviting, she also stated that she'd pay for all of their dinners (we have yet to see this money) What bothers me is her constant question about how much my parents plan to contribute. I've tried to gracefully deflect it, but she asks every time we see her.

She is well aware that my Mother who lives in Arizona is not contributing. She is also well aware that my stepmother has broken her leg twice during our engagement and has been out of work, so finances for my father have been tight. We also dont see my parents often, whereas we see her every week.

I just dont know what to say to her anymore, I feel like deflecting just isn't getting through, she even goes so far as to offer suggestions for what they could pay for.At this point I'd like to convey a sense of "any money my parents give us comes with no strings attached, so theyre not obligated, and ITS NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSNIESS ANYWAYS" but as nice as possible Innocent 

Re: None of her business IMO

posted at 2/10/2012 1:48 PM EST on theknot.com
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She offers suggestions of what SHE will pay for or what your parents should pay for?  If it's the latter, she is off the charts wacko.

The next time you see her, you and your FI need to tell her, "Thank you for your suggestions.  We're actually going to handle the finances/guest list/whatever for the wedding ourselves.  We want you to be able to just enjoy the day!  So how about them Patriots, eh?"

Re: None of her business IMO

posted at 2/10/2012 1:48 PM EST on theknot.com
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The next time she asks try reflecting it back on her - say something like "why do you want to know?"

If she doesn't let up I'd have your FI talk to her.

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Re: None of her business IMO

posted at 2/10/2012 1:50 PM EST on theknot.com
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"FMIL, I appreciate your offer to pay for the extra guests on your list. We need the money for them by [insert date here]. My parent's financial contributions, if they do decide they'd like to contribute anything monetarily, are between FI, myself and my parents."  
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Re: None of her business IMO

posted at 2/10/2012 2:01 PM EST on theknot.com
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I'd tell her that invitations will not be sent to her crowd until you have the money. 

Also, the next time she asks about your family's contribution, just say, "Whatever they choose to give us is a gift without strings. Further, the amount of the contribution is between my family, me and FI."

Then again, when MIL asked how much something cost, I flat-out told her it was none of her business.. I have no patience with her, though.



"We all have our talents. Some of us give good blow jobs, some have the ability to make every single situation revolve around themselves. " --Rupert

Re: None of her business IMO

posted at 2/10/2012 2:03 PM EST on theknot.com
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How tacky, I don't understand why people think it's necessary (or even appropriate) to ask those kinds of questions. No one in this whole wedding planning process has asked how much something has cost except for FI cousin who is getting married a few months after and wondered about our DJ as they need one.

I would just say (in a nice tone, which would be difficult for me) that it is between your family, FI and yourself. As for adding extra people, regardless of her paying for them, I would explain you would like it more personal and intimate and the guest list has been set.

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Re: None of her business IMO

posted at 2/10/2012 2:14 PM EST on theknot.com
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Ugh, I'm just getting started and stories like this make me want to elope.  That said, no, of course it's not any of her business.  I think josephwedding got it right and I think I'd add something like "I believe people's finances are very personal.  We do not discuss your contributions with my family and I will not discuss theirs with you." 

Re: None of her business IMO

posted at 2/10/2012 2:17 PM EST on theknot.com
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Thank you guys so much, I thought I was the only one who thought she was super rude.

Unfortunatly it is impossible to not invite those extra people now, STD's went out months ago (Might I mention FI family was the only side to have people ASK to be invited, and some not just ask, but post of his FACEBOOK WALL asking to be invited, and then ask if they could bring a date!!) STD=invitation Cry

Shes a nice woman, but shes overbearing alot. And I feel like anything I say to her at all comes off as snotty. I definitley dont want to hurt her feelings, but It's getting to be a little much, were a little over 3 months away!!!

Re: None of her business IMO

posted at 2/10/2012 3:08 PM EST on theknot.com
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In Response to Re: None of her business IMO:
Thank you guys so much, I thought I was the only one who thought she was super rude. Unfortunatly it is impossible to not invite those extra people now, STD's went out months ago (Might I mention FI family was the only side to have people ASK to be invited, and some not just ask, but post of his FACEBOOK WALL asking to be invited, and then ask if they could bring a date!!) STD=invitation Shes a nice woman, but shes overbearing alot. And I feel like anything I say to her at all comes off as snotty. I definitley dont want to hurt her feelings, but It's getting to be a little much, were a little over 3 months away!!!
Posted by JessRabbid

You're FI needs to step in here. If this is pushing you over the edge, he needs to know it & HE should address it with her. 

Also, when you tell her that you won't discuss their contributions, I wouldn't say anything to elude to the fact that they haven't contributed, such as the line above 'if they contribute.' I'm not saying to lie, but rather leave that out. Like you said, it's not her business. 

Re: None of her business IMO

posted at 2/10/2012 4:42 PM EST on theknot.com
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I agree with achiduck -- answer her with the question "WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?"

She will stumble, and hem and haw, and then you can respond that it's quite private and you'd rather not say.

Re: None of her business IMO

posted at 2/10/2012 6:13 PM EST on theknot.com
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"I believe finances are very personal.  We have not discussed your gift with my parents and nor will we discuss their's with you."

Then have FI jump in and say, "By the way Mom, you said you would cover the the cost of the extra guests you wanted invited.  The total comes out to $$.  Can you write us a check?"

Re: None of her business IMO

posted at 2/10/2012 6:17 PM EST on theknot.com
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In Response to Re: None of her business IMO:
I'd tell her that invitations will not be sent to her crowd until you have the money.  Also, the next time she asks about your family's contribution, just say, "Whatever they choose to give us is a gift without strings. Further, the amount of the contribution is between my family, me and FI." Then again, when MIL asked how much something cost, I flat-out told her it was none of her business.. I have no patience with her, though.
Posted by specialk84



someone come over and massage my headache because people like this give me a  headache

I used to have balls. Blue balls, that is.

Re: None of her business IMO

posted at 2/13/2012 3:54 PM EST on theknot.com
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In Response to Re: None of her business IMO:
She offers suggestions of what SHE will pay for or what your parents should pay for?  If it's the latter, she is off the charts wacko. The next time you see her, you and your FI need to tell her, "Thank you for your suggestions.  We're actually going to handle the finances/guest list/whatever for the wedding ourselves.  We want you to be able to just enjoy the day!  So how about them Patriots, eh?"
Posted by FutureMrsTR

This. It's liberating paying for everything ourselves. Yes, moneys tight with us being in university (both going for 6 years minimum), but scale back the plans and it's very doable. No debt for us yet. We're having a very fancy-shmancy affair for well under $10,000.
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Re: None of her business IMO

posted at 2/14/2012 12:20 PM EST on theknot.com
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In Response to Re: None of her business IMO:
In Response to Re: None of her business IMO : This. It's liberating paying for everything ourselves. Yes, moneys tight with us being in university (both going for 6 years minimum), but scale back the plans and it's very doable. No debt for us yet. We're having a very fancy-shmancy affair for well under $10,000.
Posted by Sydney91


Ugh if only, Thats what we were originally planning to do, but when it came to the guest list, FMIL whined her way into gettin those people added with the promise to pay for them, and then promising to pay for everyone on their side. If I wasnt 100 days away from the wedding, and STD's hadnt already been sent, I'd be cutting allthose people and not worrying about it lol

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