Overnight accomodations ettiquitte....

anghampton · May 2012

We are considering a venue that is quite pricey, but includes accomodations for 100+ people for Friday and Saturday nights. Is it rude to asks guests to stay at the venue and also ask them to pay for their room?
We would charge a very low price, probably cheaper than most hotels in the area.
What do y'all think?

Ang (in Houston...who hasn't created a signature yet)

MyUserName1 · May 2012

...whaaa?

So you what? Send them a bill? How do you think this is going to work?

Super awkward.

What if they want to stay with Cousin Susie nearby? You're basically charging your guests to come to the wedding. Not a good plan.

MrsMeganL2012 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_overnight-accomodations-ettiquitte?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:378ecf2f-b52d-4344-aaf8-4e1777a88a7aPost:c25b8939-0810-4607-a7a1-78d0c0829c41">Overnight accomodations ettiquitte....</a>:
[QUOTE]We are considering a venue that is quite pricey, but includes accomodations for 100+ people for Friday and Saturday nights. Is it rude to asks guests to stay at the venue and also ask them to pay for their room? We would charge a very low price, probably cheaper than most hotels in the area. What do y'all think? Ang (in Houston...who hasn't created a signature yet)
Posted by anghampton[/QUOTE]

I'm confused......is it basically free rooms for the guests but YOU will be charging them? Or is it that rooms are available and you want to request your guests to stay?

LeiselEB · May 2012

I'm confused, as well.

Care to elaborate, Ang from Houston?

Fancypantsamy · May 2012

Also, what happens if 100+ guests aren't staying both nights? Do you lose money?

I think I'd look for a less complicated venue.

ginadog · May 2012

You mentioned your hotel rooms would be cheaper than most local hotel rooms. Is that dependent on a certain room count?

I think if there are stipulations (like meeting XYZ to get the price), then probably not best to put that stress on yourslef.

good2Bqueen13 · May 2012

Our venue is the same as Ang's. In order to book the atrium for the reception, you must also rent 150 rooms at $279 each. Essentially, it costs $42,000 for the venue plus $260 per person for the reception, but of course, you also have 150 rooms to share with family and friends.

I think what Ang is asking is if she could ask friends and family to stay at the hotel for X dollars to help cover the cost incurred to rent the venue.

My suggestion is to NOT use this venue unless you can afford the cost of the rooms yourself. You can then offer the rooms to your guests at no charge. Besides, after an evening of food and drink, some shouldn't be driving anyway. As a PP mentioned, there's no easy way to ask guests for money and etiquettte would never allow it even it it were easy. If the cost of the venue is out of your price range, regardless how many rooms you receive "free", choose a different venue.

SparrowSong · May 2012

Yikes. I'd say no way to a venue like that. What on earth would you want 150 rooms for? Maybe for a gigantic destination wedding. But when it's local? Nobody is going to want to pay to stay there when they can stay in their own house for free, or very few people anyway.

Strange way for this venue to do business imo. They just keep all those rooms empty all the time and hope for enough weddings with a huge budget to book the whole shebang at a time?

jessicabessica · May 2012

I looked at a venue like that as well. They could do the billing however we wanted, though, and would have been able to charge us the cost of using the event space, and then our guests could book the on-site cabins through them, so we would not be charging our guests at all.

I would either see if the venue can separate the cost so your guests can book the discounted rooms directly through the venue (but make sure you could afford any cost for unbooked rooms) or just pay for your guests' accomodations. Or find a new venue.

Summer2011Bride · May 2012

I see no problem saying "Hey, if you want, you can stay at X Hotel free of charge!" As a guest, I would feel that is awesome and be very grateful.

But you can not say, "Please stay our hotel. I will only charge you $200 instead of $260 which is what you'd pay elsewhere." I would not be OK with writing the bride and groom a check for my room. And very likely they could find cheaper accommodations elsewhere.

If you use this venue, you can give them their rooms for free (since you are already paying for them), or you can switch venues if you can't afford the cost without your guests chipping in.

mica178 · May 2012

You cannot dictate where your guests stay.

I would find it weird (as a guest) if you charged me for my hotel room. It's one thing to pay the hotel/resort. It's another thing for the bride and groom to collect money from their friends/family. It comes off like you're trying to get a deal for yourself.

Can you arrange for the hotel to manage money collection? That would make things more palatable, IMO. If not, I think you need to reconsider your reception location.

hoffse · May 2012

Yeah if that venue is out of your price range, don't use it. By the way, OP, that is INSANELY expensive. Surely in Houston you can find another venue that's just as nice that doesn't cost $42,000 to RENT. Jesus. I mean, if you can afford it, knock yourself out. But it sounds like you can't.

Oh and I'm not sure how much of a "deal" you want to give your guests, but I promise you that if it was $200/night versus $260/night I still wouldn't take you up on that. I'm on a soon-to-graduate-and-begin-working budget, so when I travel I stay at cheap places if priceline can't get me a good deal at a nicer place. You'll have a lot of guests who don't want to spend what it takes to stay at fancy places when they also have to spend money on an outfit, travel, and a gift for you. FI is in a wedding in September, which we estimate is going to cost US about $1200 between gifts, travel, his tux, bachelor party, etc. He and I are staying at a comfort inn to try to cut down costs. He's not staying with the wedding party.

mbody · May 2012

Only book this venue if you're planning on paying for the entire thing, rooms included. You can tell your guests that they can stay at Hotel X for the night free of charge. Do not try to charge your guests to recoup some of the money you paid for the venue/rooms. Otherwise, look for a new venue without these stipulations.

MrsMeganL2012 · May 2012

Wow, so $42k for the rooms per the PP. And assuming 150 rooms = 300 people * $260 for a reception cost of $78k and a grand total of $120k.

If you can't afford to pay it on your own, find a cheaper venue. Do not charge your guests.

On a side note, if you were to consider it (which I obviously wouldn't), you must be having a huge wedding with lots of out of town guests. Because if I'm within an hour or so of a venue, I'm probably not staying the night. Especially if YOU are charging me. Heck, I probably wouldn't even go to your wedding at that point.

PS - I would LOVE to know the name of the venue if anyone cares to share. This must be something amazing for that cost if they won't let you book it without the 150 rooms.

crash2729 · May 2012

260 pp for the reception? Is that a joke?!

[Deleted User] · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_overnight-accomodations-ettiquitte?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:378ecf2f-b52d-4344-aaf8-4e1777a88a7aPost:6d241b4f-1710-4987-8f14-264d4e075f4b">Re:Overnight accomodations ettiquitte....</a>:
[QUOTE]260 pp for the reception? Is that a joke?!
Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>PLUS the $42,000 is how I read it, but I really hope that's wrong. I've never heard of a wedding over $100,000 other than celebrities.

</div>

scstar17 · May 2012

HA! Oh my god I was choking on my veggies reading this. Wanting a 100K venue but charging people to stay there, unbelievable. My 15K wedding is way classier than this. I'd love to know the venue, also.

good2Bqueen13 · May 2012

Ooops, I think I confused every one when I said, " Our venue is the same as Ang's." I meant to say that our venue works in a way similar to the OP's - in that you have to purchase rooms to use the venue. My venue is not in Houston; it is in sourthern Indiana. I have no idea what the fees are at the OP's venue.

In our case, the 150 rooms at $279 each does not have to be paid out of pocket by the bride's family as long as 150 guests choose to stay in the hotel. While some of our guests could easily afford the $279 room (and would happily pay it because it is a truly luxurious resort), there are as many guests who cannot afford it. So seeing that the rooms will have to be rented in one way or another to use the atrium, it doesn't seem fair that I would ask some guests to pay for a room and provide rooms to others at no cost. Nor does it seem logical to let the rooms go empty. And please keep in mind that I am not the OP and I would NEVER ask my guests to recoup my receptions costs.

As for those posters who believe the cost to be extreme, let me further explain why it is necessary to rent the rooms. This is not the Holiday Inn, friends. This is a very prestigious, historical landmark. Because it is such an old building, there are no reception halls or overly large rooms. The resort has a handful of areas available for receptions, for parties as small as 10 to as many as 150. If your guest list falls in that range, you only have to pay the $260 per person charge. (I'll come back to that in a moment.) However, if your guest list is closer to 300, as mine is, the only room they have available that could accommodate a group that size is the atrium. The atrium is the hub of the hotel. You must walk through the atrium to get to any room in the hotel, to the bar, to the shopping areas, to the restaurant, ANYWHERE in the hotel. So to use the atrium, they litterally cannot have any other guests in the resort because they would not be able to come and go from their rooms without walking through a wedding reception. And what bride wants a bunch of strangers walking around their reception anyway? And I could only imagine how many crashers you would end up with. "Oh, hi there, just passing through to my room. Twiddly-dee. HmmmHmmmHmmm. Oh, I'll just grab one of those shrimp from that waiter with the hors d'ourves tray. And lemme just take a quick look at that open bar . . . Yeah, I'm the bride's sister's husband's cousin's dog-trainer. Yeah, we're really tight. Best buds, really . . ."

So for your $42,000, you are essentially buying out the resort. No one will be there but your own guests.

Now I'll admit that I really wish this venue had room for 300 guests without needing to use the atrium and "buying out" the resort. And I would LOVE to not have to throw down that extra money (shhhh . . . I'm still trying trying to talk my family into cutting our guest list), but the location is of great significance for my FI and me and that's non-negotiable. But ignoring the "buy out" cost, say you have a reception for 100 guests at $260 - that's $26,000. Is that really extravagant for a wedding reception? I didn't price out the cost of a baker for the highly customized cakes, florist for the centerpieces, caterer for the five-star, four course meal, or liquor for the open bar, etc. All of that's included in the price as well as other amenities - not to mention location, location, location! I don't feel like $260 per guest is that expensive for not having to try to pull all of this together from 2000 miles away and for the peace of mind of knowing that aside from favors, all I have to do is show up and enjoy.

anghampton · May 2012

WOW....so its finals week and I wasn't able to get online the past couple of days. It seems like lots of y'all had an opinion about this... and some of you were able to share your concerns and opinions tactfully, and others, not so much. I'm not an idiot and some of you gals surely replied as though I was.

The venue that I'm referring to is $10,000 and its not local, its about 4 hours away. It is a rental for the entire facility. The majority of my FI guests will be flying in and needing accomodations. The rest of the guests will be driving at least 3 hours to the venue.

The venue would be for ceremony and reception and 2 nights of accomodations for 108 people. The closest hotels are about 30 minutes away and I was merely suggesting that it would be cheaper and more convenient to stay at the venue. This will most likely NOT be my venue because of the price.

Thanks, good2bqueen for clarifying when people misread.

I hope that in the future people are more helpful in their responses and a little less inconsiderate. Not a great welcome to my first post on theknot. Sigh.

Ang

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