Passive Aggressive In-Laws

Re: Passive Aggressive In-Laws

• bpage3 member

  

  March 2010

  Zoe:  Background on mGMA
  *gave birth to FMIL @ 16 and married
  *at age of 60 decided she was tired of being controlled, so opens credit card after credit card and immediately maxes them out.
  
  *does not let family members talk to her husband- they get to go through her
  
  *she would not tell us if she was coming to the wedding until after the final head count was due, not because she did not know, but because we needed to be patient and wait for the rsvp to arrive in the mail.
  
  *she will also not tell anyone when her flight is, not even what day, again everyone needs to be patient (even FMIL is now of the opinion that she will need her patience when she sits at the airport alone until someone can get there)
  

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• Stackeye210 member

  

  March 2010

  Congrats on the wedding coming up this weekend!  Just think of how great it will be when you can have your Bachelorette party and luncheon with people who don't make you feel awkward.  You can really just enjoy and relax before the wedding.  Don't let it bother you. 
  
  Zoe - FAIL.  You're doing it wrong. 
  

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• georgia_bride09 member

  

  March 2010

  Honestly, Gma only acts like that because everyone lets her. I'd say, "Grandma, if you don't give me your flight info, you'll be finding your own transportation to the wedding."
   
  People who act like that continue to act like that when they are constantly and consistently enabled.

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• britne28

  

  March 2010

  Um, is the grandfather safe with grandma?  Usually when people aren't allowed to talk to a family member then only through one person that's a red flag. 

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• bpage3 member

  

  March 2010

  britne- yes, his other daughter (younger than FI) lives there too.  She's just paranoid someone will empower him to cut off all her credit cards.

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• pinkpinot member

  

  March 2010

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_passive-aggressive-laws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:05e1f0fb-ca78-4986-a7e1-3cbee4c8fd3aPost:80bed0c3-4699-499d-945d-701f984eaf33">Re: Passive Aggressive In-Laws</a>:
  [QUOTE] Actually I would have preferred a wall full of text because then I'd be able to understand what was going on!! 
  Posted by ZoeTheDog[/QUOTE]
  
  Would you require CN's at the top?

  
  

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• kikibaby member

  

  March 2010

  Zoe- if you don't understand what's going on, don't respond and move on.  You're being a little crazy.

  

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• mushE member

  

  March 2010

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_passive-aggressive-laws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:05e1f0fb-ca78-4986-a7e1-3cbee4c8fd3aPost:b6643b0a-9f07-4806-acb5-0f905217a270">Re: Passive Aggressive In-Laws</a>:
  [QUOTE]Honestly, <strong>Gma only acts like that because everyone lets her</strong>. I'd say, "Grandma, if you don't give me your flight info, you'll be finding your own transportation to the wedding."   People who act like that continue to act like that when they are constantly and consistently enabled.
  Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]
  
  Totally agree!  My sister's GMIL was obnoxious in the same way.  She told everyone that she raised the kids while her husband was away being a merchant marine, so now everyone had to do what she wanted at all times.  The sad thing was that when she went senile and started peeing in chairs, the family thought at first that she was just doing it so that they would have to clean up after her like she cleaned up after the kids.  Those of us far enough away from the situation encouraged them to take her to a doctor. 

  

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• Kristin789 member

  

  March 2010

  I'm glad you shared more details, because...
  
  >>They have cancelled on a brunch I was doing for the bridesmaids/women in the family
  
  I have never heard of the groom's mother and sister being included in the Bridesmaid's Brunch/Lunch/Tea hosted by the bride and her mother.  This is a brunch to thank the BMs.  Unless the groom's mother and sister are BMs (and since you aren't close with either one, neither is apparently a BM), why would you think they should be included?  They both know that this brunch is for you and your very closes friends who are your BMs, who have been with you through thick and thin, and even before you met FI.  They both know that they would be out of place and they wouldn't know any of the "inside jokes" and "inside stories" and so it's just easier for them not to be there.  I don't think that's being passive-aggressive.
  
  >>and my sister is throwing my bachelorette party and only had the day before off.  So I suggested a spa day so his sister (18) and relatives could be involved.
  
  Again, this event is for your long-term, very closest best friends.  Your FMIL and your FSIL do not meet that criteria, so why would they be included?  And if you invited them anyway, that's saying that you don't really care if they feel totally out of place with all the rest of the people who ARE your long-term, very closest confidants.  Their refusal to accept your offer of a totally uncomfortable afternoon, with everyone else talking to everyone else while they sit alone at one end of the spa/salon, is not passive aggressive.  That's letting you have your bach party with your friends, without fretting about them sitting alone because they don't know the people and stories and inside jokes, etc.

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• bpage3 member

  

  March 2010

  kristin- his sister is a bridesmaid

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