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Cat:Wedding Boards

Save The Date Question

Etiquette

Save The Date Question

No one wants to deal with the etiquette police so let these Knotties help you avoid them. Post your questions for modern advice on etiquette and planning.

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Etiquette

Save The Date Question

No one wants to deal with the etiquette police so let these Knotties help you avoid them. Post your questions for modern advice on etiquette and planning.

Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9

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Forums > Wedding Boards > Etiquette > Save The Date Question

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Save The Date Question

posted at 2/9/2012 10:19 PM EST on theknot.com

katehar01

Joined on
10-29-2011
PHILADELPHIA

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Posts: 203

First: 1/10/2012

Last: 5/24/2012

Hey ladies,

I tried to search for this but had trouble finding anything exactly the same, so forgive me if this has been asked.

So I sent out the STDs s couple of weeks ago, and my sister told me today she and her BF just broke up. It was a pretty serious relationship and she played it pretty close to the chest, so I had no inkling.

Problem is, I sent him a STD. I know, I know, but it's already done. What does etiquette dictate here? I'm hoping they might reconcile (I really like this guy!), but if not, I can't actually send him an invite, right? Seems awkward.

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Re: Save The Date Question

posted at 2/9/2012 10:27 PM EST on theknot.com

wrdgirl

Joined on
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Last: 2/9/2012

I think this is probably going to be something they both have to work out amongst themselves. This is where I think etiquette applies. Since you alread sent out the STD it would be kind of weird to not follow up with an invitation. You couldn't have predicted the break up so you can't control what had already happened.

You may have to let your sister know that because of etiquette you will have to treat both as regular guests instead of family. If they truly don't want to see each other the guy may just decline the invitation.

Just my two cents.

--------
My planning site

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Re: Save The Date Question

posted at 2/9/2012 10:54 PM EST on theknot.com

raes19

Joined on
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First: 2/20/2011

Last: 5/10/2012

You still have six months until your wedding, and a lot can change in that time. I would wait until it's time to actually send the invites and see how things go to decide whether or not to send an invite. If they are done for good, he would probably decline the invite anyway.

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Re: Save The Date Question

posted at 2/9/2012 11:04 PM EST on theknot.com

tenofcups4me

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Last: 2/15/2012

I wouldn't send the invitation. It will be obvious to him that he was invited because he was her boyfriend. Of course he wouldn't be invited if they're not together.

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Re: Save The Date Question

posted at 2/10/2012 1:54 AM EST on theknot.com

SCogs18

Joined on
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I wouldn't send the invitation. It will be obvious to him that he was invited because he was her boyfriend. Of course he wouldn't be invited if they're not together.
Posted by tenofcups4me

There is no need to make a decision now. You should wait and see what happens with them, but this is what I would do. I know it is quite rude, but you would not have invited him if he wasn't your sister's boyfriend and I am sure she would be very uncomfortable if he was there. Ultimately, I would care about her enjoyment at the wedding than offending her ex. It's not like you will see him.

That being said, if you did send an invitation, he would probably decline.

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Re: Save The Date Question

posted at 2/10/2012 6:21 AM EST on theknot.com

katehar01

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Last: 5/24/2012

Thanks for the advice ladies! That's a good point, SCogs....since I won't be seeing him anymore if they're not together, I don't know if I'll risk the possibility of making my sister and MOH uncomfortable at the wedding, even if it is against etiquette not to invite him. Yes, he'll probably decline, but I don't know if I wanna take the chance. I'll just wait a while and see what happens. Thanks again!

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Re: Save The Date Question

posted at 2/10/2012 8:20 AM EST on theknot.com

smartlypretty

Joined on
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Last: 5/24/2012

Did you actually send one to his house? Or just to your sister and it has his name on it? If the STD just went to your sister with his name on the next line then I think imo that it's pretty obvious he's not invited anymore. This is what I did- I sent the STD to the "main" persons house that I was friends with and added their SO to it- if that SO was someone that wouldn't be invited expect through my friend.

But if you did send it to his house- I wouldn't worry about it honestly. I really doubt hed want to or expect to attend.

September 2012 Siggy Challenge: Honeymoon in Bavaria!

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Re: Save The Date Question

posted at 2/10/2012 12:41 PM EST on theknot.com

heatherjking

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I don't think many guys understand much about wedding etiquette any way, so if he doesn't receive an invitation, I'm sure he'll understand why and won't be sitting around thinking, "How improper of her!"

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Re: Save The Date Question

posted at 2/10/2012 12:57 PM EST on theknot.com

mrsjmwolfe

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Last: 5/23/2012

In Response to Re: Save The Date Question:

Agreed!! I would wait to see how things play out.. but if you choose not to invite him in six months... he's a guy; he probably will understand why or maybe even not remember! Haha. GL!