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Semi-Formal

DaisyMaeMommyDaisyMaeMommy member
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FI and I picked our ceremony/reception venue yesterday, and now I'm alittle worried about something... The venue is a kids' camp basically in the middle of nowhere. It's within an hour of where almost all of our family members live, so no big deal. But the facilities are very low-key, casual, etc. We're going to do lots of decorating and rentals to spruce it up and make it a more formal place. I remember reading around that it's rude to let my guests know what they should wear. But how will they know that FI and I want this to be a semi-formal event? We don't want black tie, but I DO NOT want jeans, tank tops, flip-flops, etc etc. I don't want a casual event. I'm worried my guests may assume it's a casual event because of where we're having the wedding. How do I handle this situation?

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Re: Semi-Formal

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    kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
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    You can't tell an adult what to wear. Try spreading it by word of mouth, or if someone asks what to wear, encourage the semi formal.

    If I knew it was at a kids camp, I wouldn't be wearing semi formal attire. Too much dirt.
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    DaisyMaeMommyDaisyMaeMommy member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-formal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa7cf4-bb3b-4a4b-8ff0-2d64630a7bf6Post:00c3eed6-c26d-4a8f-b334-7bb8ab7e310d">Re: Semi-Formal</a>:
    [QUOTE]You can't tell an adult what to wear. Try spreading it by word of mouth, or if someone asks what to wear, encourage the semi formal. If I knew it was at a kids camp, I wouldn't be wearing semi formal attire. Too much dirt.
    Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>It won't be outside though. The ceremony will be, but it will be on all grass.</div><div>The reception will be held in their dining hall, which was renovated this past summer to add air conditioning, new flooring, a new roof, etc.</div><div>I wouldn't ask my guests to dress up if it was going to be a completely outside event.</div>
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    MrsGandthebeagMrsGandthebeag member
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    You can't tell people what to wear.  If they show up wearing jeans they look silly.  I don't care where a wedding is (hotel, park, beach, camp), I'm always going to wear some kind of cute dress.  
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    You should care more that they come to support you, not what they wear. We had several people wear jeans to our wedding. They still looked nice, and we were thrilled they were there to share the day with us. 
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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    Send formal looking invitations, and if people ask what they should wear you can say oh the bridesmaids are in cocktail dresses and my dad's wearing a suit. But if you're really this worried about it, maybe not the right venue. An hour is a long way to drive home. Are there accommodations nearby? Are you hoping people will stay late drinking and dancing? That's less likely to happen if they're worried about getting home.
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    harper0813harper0813 member
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    It is improper etiquette to tell your guests what to wear. Many of your guests would feel insulted.

    Honestly, if it's outdoors at a summer camp, there will be mosquitos and dirt and whatnot - they will want to feel comfortable. Regardless of what invitation told me to wear, if I saw that a venue was a summer camp, I would come wearing flat shoes (and possibly flip flops to change into) and a cardigan. Wouldn't you want to be comfortable and enjoy yourself? I think that's more important than wearing a cocktail dress.

    And the guests that would wear jeans will wear jeans either way. They're more likely to wear jeans just to spite you if you indicate attire on the invitation or website. I'd keep quiet about it unless someone asks you what they should wear, and THEN you can tell them that it's semi-formal.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    Your invitations should reflect the formality of the event you are having.  If you want a more formal event then your invitations should be heavy paper, with addresses and names in calligrahpy, letterpressed or engraved wording, etc, etc.

    However, just make sure that they way you are decorating your locaiton really makes it a truly formal venue.

    However, I think that a different venue would be your best solution.  As a guest I would be super confused to receive a formal invitation to a camp ground venue.  KWIM?

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    winelover123winelover123 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-formal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa7cf4-bb3b-4a4b-8ff0-2d64630a7bf6Post:4fc66e8a-a03a-4068-b293-7db9a52bf3e8">Re:SemiFormal</a>:
    [QUOTE]Send formal looking invitations, and if people ask what they should wear you can say oh the bridesmaids are in cocktail dresses and my dad's wearing a suit. But if you're really this worried about it, maybe not the right venue. <strong>An hour is a long way to drive home</strong>. Are there accommodations nearby? Are you hoping people will stay late drinking and dancing? That's less likely to happen if they're worried about getting home.
    Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

    I think this really depends on your area and your guests. I drove an hour each way to school 5 days a week for 3 years. An hour to a venue wouldn't phase most of my guests.

    But you cannot tell people what to wear. I'd spread it word of mouth that semi-formal would be appropriate. Your invitations should also match the formality of your event.
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    marburger06marburger06 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-formal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa7cf4-bb3b-4a4b-8ff0-2d64630a7bf6Post:d01881a9-868d-40c4-a17f-055d0afa513c">Semi-Formal</a>:
    [QUOTE]FI and I picked our ceremony/reception venue yesterday, and now I'm alittle worried about something... The venue is a kids' camp basically in the middle of nowhere. It's within an hour of where almost all of our family members live, so no big deal. But the facilities are very low-key, casual, etc. We're going to do lots of decorating and rentals to spruce it up and make it a more formal place. I remember reading around that it's rude to let my guests know what they should wear. But how will they know that FI and I want this to be a semi-formal event? We don't want black tie, but I DO NOT want jeans, tank tops, flip-flops, etc etc. I don't want a casual event. I'm worried my guests may assume it's a casual event because of where we're having the wedding. How do I handle this situation?
    Posted by DaisyMaeMommy[/QUOTE]

    After the ceremony details on the invitation, could you write "formal reception to follow?" That way you're not telling people what to wear but you are giving an idea of what kind of party it will be.
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    kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-formal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa7cf4-bb3b-4a4b-8ff0-2d64630a7bf6Post:d3ec64a7-3bda-45ad-908a-868699995166">Re: Semi-Formal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Semi-Formal : After the ceremony details on the invitation, could you write "formal reception to follow?" That way you're not telling people what to wear but you are giving an idea of what kind of party it will be.
    Posted by marburger06[/QUOTE]

    <div>I would have no idea what a 'formal reception' was, honestly. I would be confused and thinking 'Well is the ceremony informal and the reception formal?'. Not correct wording.</div>
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    courtski2004courtski2004 member
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    Regardless of the venue, I would still dress for the occasion. If I were invited to a wedding, I would wear a dress/nice slacks and top. Just because it is a kids camp, I wouldn't dress in my jorts and ratty t-shirt as if we were partaking in camp activities.

    Adults shouldn't be told how to dress. If they show up in jeans, it will be a reflection on them and not you. If anyone wore jeans to my wedding, I certainly don't remember it and it wouldn't have ruined my day.
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    Teddy917Teddy917 member
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    Why is your wedding at a kids' summer camp?
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    MoonlightSilverMoonlightSilver member
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    What do your guests normally wear when they go to weddings? Unless you've seen them in jeans at other weddings, I wouldn't be worried. We had our wedding at an Aquarium, and people still dressed up nice, simply because it was a wedding.
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    DaisyMaeMommyDaisyMaeMommy member
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    Thank you all for the advice.

    I know most of my guests like dressing up and will do so, but just wanted to know the polite way to inform them that it's more of a semi-formal event, regardless of location. Word of mouth seems to be what most are suggesting, so I'll go with that route.

    The venue may be a camp, but it's definitely not like a campground camp. They have air conditioned cabins, an immaculate swimming pool, a beautiful lake, etc etc. Not exactly the kind of camp most kids go to. It's a camp for alot of private schools in the Kansas City area, or so the camp director tells me.

    I want my guests to be comfortable, which is why only the ceremony will be outside. The recepton is indoors. A change of venue isn't what I'd prefer to do, as it's literally 20 minutes away from home, and where most of MY family lives. FI's family all lives within 20 minutes to an hour away, except for an aunt and uncle that lives in Florida.
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    DaisyMaeMommyDaisyMaeMommy member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-formal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa7cf4-bb3b-4a4b-8ff0-2d64630a7bf6Post:217d9e2d-3ab8-4a7e-b9c9-92eb4f566244">Re:SemiFormal</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why is your wedding at a kids' summer camp?
    Posted by Teddy917[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>My Mom is the kitchen manager, and we got a great discount because of her working there. It's a very beautiful place and she showed me pictures of some of the weddings they've had out there.</div><div>
    </div><div>The last wedding they had WAS a black-tie affair, but they rented tents and a dance floor to make it extremely formal. They had a gorgeous wedding, and the married couple rented their "treehouse" cabin for their wedding night and really enjoyed it.</div>
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    DaisyMaeMommyDaisyMaeMommy member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-formal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa7cf4-bb3b-4a4b-8ff0-2d64630a7bf6Post:9d11f0f3-2faa-4c9a-b867-ce969ba41c79">Re: Semi-Formal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Semi-Formal : Picking an invitation that matches the formality of your event is a better way to let your guests know what sort of attire would be appropriate.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Sounds like a good idea. Would pink, black and white look best for an invite? Our wedding colors are pink and white, but black seems like it looks more classy and formal.</div>
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-formal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa7cf4-bb3b-4a4b-8ff0-2d64630a7bf6Post:dcdca53b-d5c2-43d7-a49a-7391f0389bcc">Re: Semi-Formal</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you all for the advice. I know most of my guests like dressing up and will do so,<strong> but just wanted to know the polite way to inform them that it's more of a semi-formal event</strong>, regardless of location. Word of mouth seems to be what most are suggesting, so I'll go with that route. The venue may be a camp, but it's definitely not like a campground camp. They have air conditioned cabins, an immaculate swimming pool, a beautiful lake, etc etc. Not exactly the kind of camp most kids go to. It's a camp for alot of private schools in the Kansas City area, or so the camp director tells me. I want my guests to be comfortable, which is why only the ceremony will be outside. The recepton is indoors. A change of venue isn't what I'd prefer to do, as it's literally 20 minutes away from home, and where most of MY family lives. FI's family all lives within 20 minutes to an hour away, except for an aunt and uncle that lives in Florida.
    Posted by DaisyMaeMommy[/QUOTE]

    This is why I hate the term "semi-formal."  What exactly do you want your guests to wear?  You can't request anything of them, but I'm trying to understand what a semi-formal wedding is?

    There's White Tie, Black Tie, Formal, and informal.  No semi-formal designation.

    Other posters in past threads have listed all the things that make up a White or Black tie event and how guests should dress.

    If an event is Formal, like a wedding, and you wear suit and tie, cocktail dresses, blouse and dress slacks maybe, etc.  If it's casual you wear business casual, sun dresses, etc.

    Or am I totally wrong on this?  Help!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-formal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa7cf4-bb3b-4a4b-8ff0-2d64630a7bf6Post:60d87ecb-0b9f-4767-af26-600e56a6d678">Re: Semi-Formal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Semi-Formal : Sounds like a good idea. Would pink, black and white look best for an invite? Our wedding colors are pink and white, but black seems like it looks more classy and formal.
    Posted by DaisyMaeMommy[/QUOTE]

    I would just do black and white. Or try for something like this: <a href="http://www.weddingpaperdivas.com/product/10622/signature_white_wedding_invitations_winters_elegance.html#color/02" rel="nofollow">http://www.weddingpaperdivas.com/product/10622/signature_white_wedding_invitations_winters_elegance.html#color/02</a>
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    DaisyMaeMommyDaisyMaeMommy member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-formal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa7cf4-bb3b-4a4b-8ff0-2d64630a7bf6Post:55dc7396-21d1-428c-9e9b-cf7bdf6f4137">Re: Semi-Formal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Semi-Formal : This is why I hate the term "semi-formal."  What exactly do you want your guests to wear?  You can't request anything of them, but I'm trying to understand what a semi-formal wedding is? There's White Tie, Black Tie, Formal, and informal.  No semi-formal designation. Other posters in past threads have listed all the things that make up a White or Black tie event and how guests should dress. If an event is Formal, like a wedding, and you wear suit and tie, cocktail dresses, blouse and dress slacks maybe, etc.  If it's casual you wear business casual, sun dresses, etc. Or am I totally wrong on this?  Help!
    Posted by cmsciulli[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Semi-formal as described by TK.</div><div><a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/attending-wedding/articles/what-to-wear-semi-formal.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/attending-wedding/articles/what-to-wear-semi-formal.aspx</a></div>
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-formal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa7cf4-bb3b-4a4b-8ff0-2d64630a7bf6Post:148ad31f-79e8-4bff-99e4-28e8ab25c6c5">Re: Semi-Formal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Semi-Formal : Semi-formal as described by TK. <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/attending-wedding/articles/what-to-wear-semi-formal.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/attending-wedding/articles/what-to-wear-semi-formal.aspx</a>
    Posted by DaisyMaeMommy[/QUOTE]

    That's almost the same as their "Formal, black tie optional/suggested" option.  and that is kinda my point. . . semi-formal is a dumb term :-P

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    QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-formal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa7cf4-bb3b-4a4b-8ff0-2d64630a7bf6Post:dcdca53b-d5c2-43d7-a49a-7391f0389bcc">Re: Semi-Formal</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you all for the advice. I know most of my guests like dressing up and will do so, but just wanted to know the polite way to inform them that it's more of a semi-formal event, regardless of location. Word of mouth seems to be what most are suggesting, so I'll go with that route. The venue may be a camp, but it's definitely not like a campground camp. They have air conditioned cabins, an immaculate swimming pool, a beautiful lake, etc etc. Not exactly the kind of camp most kids go to. It's a camp for alot of private schools in the Kansas City area, or so the camp director tells me. <strong>I want my guests to be comfortable</strong>, which is why only the ceremony will be outside. The recepton is indoors. A change of venue isn't what I'd prefer to do, as it's literally 20 minutes away from home, and where most of MY family lives. FI's family all lives within 20 minutes to an hour away, except for an aunt and uncle that lives in Florida.
    Posted by DaisyMaeMommy[/QUOTE]

    It sounds to me like comfort isn't your first priority.  Having guests be dressed up is.  I agree with everyone else about the formality of your invitations and spreading the attire (But ONLY if someone asks) by word of mouth. 

    But, in all honesty, it does NOT matter what your guests wear.  Most likely, you won't even notice. And unless they are in the wedding party, you probably won't have a bunch of photos with all of your guests.  If someone is in a pair of jeans and a button up shirt, what difference will it make to you?   It is highly unlikely that anyone will show up in ripped, dirty jeans or a stained t-shirt.  You should stop worrying about this and trust that your guests will show up appropriately dressed.

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    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

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    DaisyMaeMommyDaisyMaeMommy member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-formal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa7cf4-bb3b-4a4b-8ff0-2d64630a7bf6Post:f00fdae7-ef6a-4559-b23e-d4887eed7de0">Re: Semi-Formal</a>:
    [QUOTE]If I received an invitation like this (click it) for a daytime wedding I would wear a cotton dress and flat sandals (not flip flops). If the wedding was after 6pm, I would wear a little black dress or summery cocktail dressy with heeled sandals. Does that help, OP?
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>That is perfect. Thank you! I consider this question fully answered. :)</div>
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    kerbohlkerbohl member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-formal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa7cf4-bb3b-4a4b-8ff0-2d64630a7bf6Post:73537328-1752-438e-b21c-6886ea18bca2">Re:SemiFormal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:SemiFormal : My Mom is the kitchen manager, and we got a great discount because of her working there. It's a very beautiful place and she showed me pictures of some of the weddings they've had out there. The last wedding they had WAS a black-tie affair, but they rented tents and a dance floor to make it extremely formal. They had a gorgeous wedding, and<strong> the married couple rented their "treehouse" cabin for their wedding night and really enjoyed it.</strong>
    Posted by DaisyMaeMommy[/QUOTE]

    That sounds so freaking cool!  Are you going to do that?  Your venue sounds really neat - it's always fun to hear about people that thought outside of the box for their venues and went with places that don't only do weddings. 

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    DaisyMaeMommyDaisyMaeMommy member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-formal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa7cf4-bb3b-4a4b-8ff0-2d64630a7bf6Post:58711813-ceab-46d6-94db-a27705b8aa39">Re:SemiFormal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:SemiFormal : That sounds so freaking cool!  Are you going to do that?  Your venue sounds really neat - it's always fun to hear about people that thought outside of the box for their venues and went with places that don't only do weddings. 
    Posted by kerbohl[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>FI and I are not going to be doing that, only because we are not planning on staying anywhere but at home with our two children that night.</div>
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    thejucheideathejucheidea member
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    Isn't it a little early to be thinking about invitation choices and how you're going to make sure people are dressing formally?

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    DaisyMaeMommyDaisyMaeMommy member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-formal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa7cf4-bb3b-4a4b-8ff0-2d64630a7bf6Post:9ace0ac2-d9db-4df3-a253-450da696637b">Re: Semi-Formal</a>:
    [QUOTE]Isn't it a little early to be thinking about invitation choices and how you're going to make sure people are dressing formally?
    Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>We're expecting a baby this August, and we want to have as much stuff planned out before she gets here. We won't be buying invites and stuff until later on, but it will be easier to have it all planned out ahead when we actually do go to buy everything.</div>
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    thejucheideathejucheidea member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-formal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa7cf4-bb3b-4a4b-8ff0-2d64630a7bf6Post:9e6af1a8-490c-45dd-8ef1-704acd3c4a6c">Re: Semi-Formal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Semi-Formal : We're expecting a baby this August, and we want to have as much stuff planned out before she gets here. We won't be buying invites and stuff until later on, but it will be easier to have it all planned out ahead when we actually do go to buy everything.
    Posted by DaisyMaeMommy[/QUOTE]

    Ah, 'cause I was about to say, we're getting married in October and haven't even started thinking about invitations yet.

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    DaisyMaeMommyDaisyMaeMommy member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-formal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa7cf4-bb3b-4a4b-8ff0-2d64630a7bf6Post:d1271f2f-eaf2-4f1a-920e-b7f9da2a2905">Re: Semi-Formal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Semi-Formal : Ah, 'cause I was about to say, we're getting married in October and haven't even started thinking about invitations yet.
    Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]

    <div>Totally understandable! A few people have asked the same thing, and when I explain it to them they're all like, "Oh, gotcha!"</div>
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    jess9802jess9802 member
    First Comment First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I'll chime in to agree with the others that the formality of your invitations will be a big clue to your guests as to what they should wear. We were married in my in-laws' backyard, and when people hear backyard wedding (esp in Oregon), I think the tendency is to go very casual. So we sent out very formal looking invitations (letterpress, calligraphy), but other than that, did not explicitly state what we hoped our guests would wear. On the "Attire" section of our wedding website, I simply wrote: "The wedding will take place outdoors on a lawn. While summer days can be quite hot, evenings are often mild, and a light sweater can take off the chill."

    I had three guests text me in the days before the wedding asking if their husbands would be out of place wearing shorts or jeans. My response was that all of the men in our respective families would be wearing suits and ties. The husbands in question wore slacks. But of course, the only way I know that is by looking at the pictures, because I sure as heck wasn't paying attention on the day itself.

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    Sounds like a cool venue. The wording on invite will look great in black (easier to read then pink on white or white on pink IMO). If you have any other color on invites, let that be determined by if you find invites you like, that have the formaility you like with some pink on them. Congrats & I hope you have a wonderful wedding day.
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