Sisters Unaffordable destination wedding

Vaka0401 · May 2013

Thank you all for the supportive comments! I appreciate everyone taking the time to post! Good luck with all your wedding planning!

AddieCake · May 2013

In Response to Sisters Unaffordable destination wedding:
[QUOTE]Both my sister and I recently got engaged. We are both planning weddings for the next year. We have been planning on being in each others bridal parties since we were little girls. She and her fiancé have just announced that they are planning on having a destination wedding in the Dominican Republic. The reason they say they are doing a destination wedding is that they say that it is to expensive for them to have a regular wedding and that they don't want to do all of the planning that comes with a wedding. The problem is that given the destination that they have chosen it is going to cost me 3,500-4000 at the cheapest to be able to attend. My fiance and I are planning a wedding 1 1/2 months after their wedding and that is taking up all of our extra money for this year. ( we aren't doing an expensive wedding, everything is on a budget and we don't want to go into debt over a 1 day celebration). When I tried to discuss with my sister that we may not be able to afford their wedding if they went with this destination she was extremely upset and said that me and my fiancé should just take it out of our own wedding budget. I don't know what to do because I want to go to her wedding but I really cannot afford both my wedding and hers.
Posted by Vaka0401[/QUOTE]

Your sister has a right to have her wedding wherever she wants, but she was rude to tell you to take the travel expenses out of your own wedding budget. This is a tough situation, but if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. You, as well as she, should be able to have the wedding you want.

anssett · May 2013

If it were me, I'd apologize but tell her you just can't afford that trip so close to your wedding. It shouldn't be that big of a shock. Everyone is self obsessed about their wedding. She's being. So are you. It balances out.

RebeccaB88 · May 2013

I think you have the right to be really bummed about her decision, but really, it is her and her FI's decision and they can choose to do it that way if they want to. You've been honest with her and told her that you can't afford to go, and it's up to her to respect that and not hound you or make you feel guilty about that. She can choose between keeping her plans as they are, knowing that someone important to her won't be there, or she can change plans and have you there (and others, assuming there are other important people who can't afford the trip too). Your wedding is your priority and her wedding is hers. She can be mad at you if she wants, but she chose the destination wedding. She has to accept that that choice means some people won't be there.

Vaka0401 · May 2013

Thanks everybody! I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable in saying that I wasn't going to take the money out of my own budget considering that it is a really big percentage of my own weddings total.

MoxieMickie · May 2013

hacked · May 2013

Everyone has a right to make their own choices, but sometimes those choices have a cost that is more than money. In this case, your sister's choice will cost her the presence of a dear family member. I don't think that asking you to spend $4k from your wedding budget to go to a place that is probably not your first choice of a vacation spot is fair of your sister. I don't think you are self obsessed or need to apologize. Your sister is the one who will have to look at her pictures years from now and be sad that her sister was not there to share.

.

perfectisboring · May 2013

You definitely aren't being unreasonable. You shouldn't sacrifice having your perfect day just to attend your sister's wedding. It's an important event, but if the roles were reversed, she'd probably be reluctant to take money out of her wedding budget to attend a sibling's wedding.

Yowza, though. $4000 is a lot of money. My entire wedding budget was less than $4000. Even if I wasn't planning a wedding, that's a lot of money to spend on going away. I've never even taken a vacation for more than $1000.

kmmssg · May 2013

You aren't being self-obsessed with your wedding and you don't owe her an apology. Just a "sorry sis, I can't afford it. I wish you a wonderful wedding."

Have no idea how pp got self-obsessed out of that or why she thinks you should apologize for anything.

ETA - as hack mentioned, I don't think you will be the only one who can't make it because of the pricetag. She is shifting the costs that she doesn't want to pay onto her guests.

MrsGandthebeag · May 2013

As pp said you are well within your right to say no to going to sister's wedding. That is a lot of money to spend. I'm curious why it's so much though. If you flew down yourself and stayed maybe 3 nights to go to the rehersal and wedding, I don't see it costing $4k. But, I may be missing something. At any rate, don't feel bad.

misssunshine17 · May 2013

I seriously disagree with anyone who says you are being at all self absorbed.

People like your sister give DWs a terrible wrap. I wouldn't spend 4k to go to my own brothers wedding. And even if you had the money sitting there, it's no ones business to dictate how it is spent.

gottahavashorti · May 2013

Having close family members decline was a risk she took when they chose to have a DW. It comes with the territory, and it is unreasonable to expect family members who cannot afford to attend to do so. It's entirely possible that they'll opt to switch to a local wedding if they'd prefer to have you and other close family members there, or they may prefer to stick with the DW. Either way, you should not be pressured into spending money you don't have or cutting into your own wedding guests' comfort.

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

Destination weddings are a risk exactly because of the reason you are experiencing: people may not be able to attend. We tell brides here all the time that they can absolutely plan a DW, but absolutely be ready for some people to decline to come that would have otherwise been able to.

MNVegas · May 2013

Another delete and run post. That's 2 in one day for OP.

perfectisboring · May 2013

Weird. Normally people do that when the responses are a bit harsh, but there wasn't anything that came close in this thread.

smalfrie19 · May 2013

In Response to Re:Sisters Unaffordable destination wedding:
[QUOTE]Weird. Normally people do that when the responses are a bit harsh, but there wasn't anything that came close in this thread.
Posted by perfectisboring[/QUOTE]

This may be because her sister is on here too? but even so, she is quoted, so if that is the reason it will do no good.

Vaka0401 · May 2013

Lol, sorry, no ones posts were harsh! I totally appreciated the comments! I just didn't want anyone else to spend more time on it! I felt like I had enough feedback to help! Thanks so much!

kmmssg · May 2013

A word to the wise - DO NOT DELETE, please.

Other newbs could have gotten a lot of insight and help from your OP. If you keep deleting people will stop responding. If you are going to post, you need to leave your post up.

cjeanmaq · May 2013

We are having a destination wedding on a cruise ship, and we completely understand that everyone would not be able to afford it. It does save us some money and planning both with the wedding and honeymoon aspects. Since this is the case we are also doing what ever we can to help some of our love ones foot the bill. I wish both you and your sister the best of luck in your married lives.

MuppetFan · May 2013

I would feel bad because she's my sister, but would decline. That's a lot of money.

Sisters Unaffordable destination wedding

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