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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Ugh. MIL. Vent.

If your son and DIL were flying in next week for Thanksgiving and would be in town from Tues through Friday,and if you knew that your other son and DIL would be attending Thanksgiving dinner, with your DIL's family who live ten minutes from you making it quite possible for everyone to be together from 6 PM on Thanksgiving on,and if you knew that your children would be happy to get together Tuesday for dinner or Friday anytime but wanted to have time to get together just the sons and their wives, would your reaction be:A) Great!  It's wonderful that my children and their spouses aren't just family - they're friends.B) Make sure that you at least scheduled a family dinner or lunch so that all children and spouses were around the table for a meal at least once during the visit.C) Roll with any of it and let the kids plan all of the weekD) Go BSC and throw a screaming fit on the telephone.  Then when you're done, smack the phone on the counter and push a few buttons for emphasis to end the phone call.If you answered D, you have MIL's reaction to her finding out that BIL and SIL  will be hanging out with DH and me next Wednesday night.Sigh.  This is the unfortunate latest in the saga and because DH is still out, I need to vent. 

Re: Ugh. MIL. Vent.

  • Yikes.  That's quite the telephone temper tantrum.

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  • MIL sounds like me at work today.
  • Banana, I just want to know one thing. How have we not gone for coffee and discussed ad nauseum our VERY similar MILs?
  • I totally lost ya.. lol
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  • I don't envy you.
  • My eyes made an immediate beeline to the answer with "BSC" in it, because I know that's how my MIL would react. I sympathize.
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  • I'm sorry Banana.... I think that if we met IRL we would be friends. It seems we have a lot of the same upbrining...My MIL is not that bad.. but on the way..






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I'm probably more a C type but I only have one child.  I'm easy, what they want to do, I'll do and arrange if need be.M's H has 2 sisters, one married and almost as many extended family members as I.  Sometimes the MIL may do D but gets over it very quickly.  She's just not that way but sometimes the two sisters push her too far.
  • My children and extended family are coming Wednesday night for dinner, as that is the only way we can see everyone. 

    In the future, you may want to get ahead of the curve and have a plan.  Maybe with your help, your BIL and SIL would be willing to host and then they can set the best time for all. 

    My family has handled the holiday situation in different ways.  Trade off Thanksgiving and Christmas--have dinner with one family early in the day and then go to the other later in the day--celebrate on a different day.

    I wish you all the best, as I know families may not be easy to accommodate.
  • Suds, I'm not sure if you read the other posts but there are many other times that are available for a child get together.

    The desire is a time for just us younger ones to get together.  BIL and SIL are the ones flying in from OOT so we'll host them for one night as we do the younger "kid stuff".

    The larger issue is that if it isn't MIL's idea/plan then it's wrong and she'll let everyone know it. 
  • Holy crow, banana, is your MIL a psychotic 12-year-old?
  • I have yet to visit any restaurant I would love to go to in Boston, or see any friends in the area when we visit, because FMIL would be super offended if FI and I went out to dinner. At all. By ourselves, with his sisters, or with everyone. If she doesn't get to make us food, she is not happy. Yet when she came to visit us, she wanted to go out to dinner every night.

    Good luck with that, Banana.
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  • Msmery, if only MIL would actually cook too!  :-)

    To give you an idea, FIL's birthday was two months ago.  MIL attempted to get us to make stuffed shrimp.  DH agreed and subsequently forgot.  However:

    -I made FIL's birthday cake because MIL was going to give him frozen pie for his birthday.  (homemade angel food cake with peach coulis sauce and homemade whipped cream).
    -DH took care of the entire presentation of FIL's birthday gift from MIL
    -DH and I picked up the lobster on our way...and MIL had NO INTENTION of reimbursing us for the expense of the dinner.
    -We also picked up a bottle of wine

    MIL cooked NOTHING....and she opened FIL's birthday cards for him.

    Two years ago when BIL and SIL were in town for Thanksgiving, the only home-cooked item on the menu was the turkey that FIL fried.  MIL didn't cook a thing.


    If it was a meal at MIL and FIL's next week, you can bet that DH and I would have been called to bring something.  I used to bring a dessert just 'cause.  MIL now calls me like she's placing an order at a bakery.

    The phone is off the hook at the bakery.



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