There's two main questions here, but I'll give a little background first. This will be my 2nd wedding, but the first for my FI. Unfortunately, his family (and a couple friends) are on the other side of the country and either 1. aren't in good enough health to travel or 2. can't afford to travel here. In addition, he's not very close with any of them other than his parents/stepparents and siblings. [Sidenote: We will send invitations to them regardless as I'm sure they'd appreciate it and it's the right thing to do...they know we understand their situations. In addition, we're planning on visiting them for our honeymoon.]
We are trying to keep costs down for our wedding and want to have it small(er)...50-80 people. The venue where we're having it is actually an old Victorian home that's been restored to a B&B, so it also has limited space to some extent.
1. At my first wedding, my best friend at the time (let's call her Dana) was my MOH. We grew up in the same town, then both moved to another city after graduating from college (different years). My FI and I were still living in the other city for awhile and we hung out with Dana & her H a few times, but not a whole lot. A year and a few months ago FI and I moved back to my hometown (about 1.5 hours away)....since then, we've only seen Dana & her H one time...and Dana & I rarely email each other, call, etc. Partly I'm sure they're busy, as we are...and my FI's work schedule is kinda crazy. We've talked about getting together a couple times, but it never seems to work out.
At this point, I don't really consider her a BF anymore, just a friend...So, I'm torn as to whether or not I should invite her & her H. I don't want to hurt her feelings or anything (and I'm sure people will post photos on FB of the wedding, so she'd see them there...ugh FB), but partly I don't feel like I "need" to invite her...Just not sure.
2. My dad's side of the family is a lot closer than my mom's side. On dad's side, we regularly get together with my Great Aunts & Uncles and my dad's cousins (other than some who live in other states)... On my mom's side, we see one of my Great Aunt's and one of my mom's cousin fairly regularly, but not any of the others (some live in other states and in general that side of the family isn't as close).
My dad told me he thought that some family on his side (great aunts & uncles, his cousins, etc) would be upset if they weren't invited. The best he could come up with was to either 1. invite them or 2. later on have a more 'informal' get together with the rest of the fam who isn't invited to celebrate.
My mom told me that I could probably simply not invite some of the family on her side since they never come (especially the ones out of state), but to check with my grandma. My grandma seemed to think I could avoid inviting all of them but the one great aunt & mom's cousin who come to get togethers regularly.
My general feeling is that I need to go out to the same extent on both sides of the family (either invite great aunts/uncles & parents cousins on both sides, or on neither side)...but I'm not sure... Some of the relatives on my mom's side probably don't even realize I'm not still married to my first husband (since they don't really talk to each other).
Inviting only my parents, grandparents, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, and a few friends would bring me to around 50-60 guests...including great aunts & uncles and parents cousins brings invites up to 100 (likely around 80 showing). Or maybe just invite great aunts & uncles and exclude parents' cousins???
Thoughts?
(Sorry this was so long! Thanks for taking the time to read it!)