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Best friend

PolkaDotMinniePolkaDotMinnie member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
"Please dont quote :( I may have to delete this"


*edit*
THANK YOU SO MUCH LADIES! All the advice was great! I know once I have been quoted only those posters can delete what I said so IF you could delete them it would be great but once again thank you for the advice I feel much more comfortable with the situation now! :)
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Re: Best friend

  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You don't owe her your time.  So tell her the truth: you're sorry, you can't make it.  If she responds with anything other than, "No problem--we'll get together for coffee soon," then she's in the wrong.

    FWIW she's going overboard with her expectations and I wouldn't be surprised if other BMs also decline.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Best friend vs Bridesmaid dutys:

    Umm, sounds like a bridezilla to me. You are not her slave, but her BM. You are only required to put the dress on and show up.

    Perhaps she needs to come around here for awhile, the ladies around here will set her straight.

    You simply need to tell her that you cannot make all of her appt's she has set up. You are not her wedding planner. If you can help fine, but you are in no way, shape or form obligated to. And the same goes for when you  get closer to your own wedding. If she gets pissed off, then oh well, she isn't a true friend. The only people responsible for planning her wedding is her and her FI. Period.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Start to practice now:  "I'm so sorry, I have plans that day".  Perhaps your plans are to sleep in.  Perhaps your plans are to play Apples to Apples with your family.  Perhaps your plans are to vacuum or clean the bathroom.  They are all very legitimate plans, and you don't owe any other explanation except:  "I'm sorry, I have plans that day."

    Don't elaborate, and don't apologize beyond the opening salvo "I'm sorry....."

    Your friend has, sadly, completely been duped by the wedding industry into believing that her WPs butts belong to her from now until her wedding.  She's clearly seen about six too many episodes of Bridezillas.

    You don't have to do any of the brideslave marathon activities.  So just say you can't and then change the subject.

    And if she persists, send her here.  We'll be happy to have a "come to Jesus meeting" with her.

    Good luck.  Sounds like you'll need it.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • PolkaDotMinniePolkaDotMinnie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice ladies! Like I said I am so happy to help with all I can I just don't want her to be upset if I am the only one of the bridesmaids who can't come to a planning day! I will do all I can for her in my spare time!  
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  • mgietler76mgietler76 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I know exactly how you feel, I was in a wedding last year and the bride had all sorts of "parties" she wanted us to attend.

    They were everything from favor making (caramel apples) to enevelope stuffing. She even sent out emails inviting us all to her house to practice walking in our *matching* red heels because she knew some of the girls don't wear heels and she didn't want anyone to trip. All I did was give her a call to say I'm sorry but I can't make it. No need to explain further as Trix mentioned, hopefully this is only a lapse into bridezilla for your friend and she'll be back to normal soon enough.
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  • graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    (Edited)

    This is NUTS. There is no way that a bride should ever expect her BMs to do that for her. You are your own woman, not her wedding b*tch. If people volunteer to do those things, then fine. But a 7 hour session? Good golly. Tell her that you are working 50 hour weeks and need some time with your family, or simply that you can't make it. Don't feel bad about that at all. 

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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    She specifically requested that she not be quoted...maybe the ladies who quoted can go back and edit their posts.  Not snarky - I just appreciate that she said in advance that she not be quoted because she might want to delete.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    OP I suggest taking your profile pic out, because your friend can easily find you and then can see this post and even though your original statement would be deleted the advice given remains and your friend might wonder what you originally said since everyone is calling her a Bridezilla.

    Other then that the PP have given great advice.
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  • sister2groomsister2groom
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Your friend is (more than) kind of insane. If you really want to help--although I think you've done enough--offer to help on things you can do on your own, designing paper products, invites, etc. or a slideshow or something.
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_friend-vs-bridesmaid-dutys?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:294d67bf-3ad3-4dfa-af02-72fb26f3a13dPost:1efa1d87-46d2-43b3-bac1-f384aea8e57e">Re: Best friend vs Bridesmaid dutys</a>:
    [QUOTE]She specifically requested that she not be quoted...maybe the ladies who quoted can go back and edit their posts.  Not snarky - I just appreciate that she said in advance that she not be quoted because she might want to delete.
    Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]
    I was disappointed with how many people didn't respect her request too.  I thought it was well-established on these boards that when someone says they'll likely delete later (especially for a good reason like this), you don't quote.

    OP, I think PPs gave you really good advice.  Just tell her you can't make it.  Your free time is your own.  She's not entitled to it just because she's getting married.
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  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_friend-vs-bridesmaid-dutys?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:294d67bf-3ad3-4dfa-af02-72fb26f3a13dPost:1efa1d87-46d2-43b3-bac1-f384aea8e57e">Re: Best friend vs Bridesmaid dutys</a>:
    [QUOTE]She specifically requested that she not be quoted...maybe the ladies who quoted can go back and edit their posts.  Not snarky - I just appreciate that she said in advance that she not be quoted because she might want to delete.
    Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]

    She shouldn't have been quoted and those that did really should edit the quotes out of their responses. I saw this same thing happen on a WP post today also.
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