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Wording for a couple that is already married?

aynessaaynessa member
in Wedding Invitations & Paper
My husband and I got married at the courthouse last October - not because we didn't want a wedding, but because there were severe issues involving a family member that is psychotic, and also due to financial constraints. Yes we are technically married, but we still want to have that "wedding" we never got to have - it will basically be a vow renewal, even though we haven't been married all that long. We're in the middle of planning everything, but I'm not quite certain how to word the invites. My parents will be paying for most of the wedding, so do I include their names in the wording? Or just ours?

Any help would be most appreciated. Flames and opinions about the morality of this can be kept to yourself.

EDIT: Well, most people were generally unhelpful. Thanks? The Vow Renewal Etiquette page does not seem to take into account the vow renewals of people that did not actually have the wedding ceremony (it was a marriage ceremony, yes, but it was not a wedding ceremony - please reaffirm your knowledge of the dictionary.)

CMGr, thank you for the suggestion on the wording. I will probably be using that.
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Re: Wording for a couple that is already married?

  • kswxgirlkswxgirl member
    First Comment
    I am doing it the same and wording it the same as if I never got married!
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  • shanmari722shanmari722
    First Comment
    In central American countries, it is common, and in fact, law to have a civil ceremony whether or not you choose to have a religious ceremony. Many couples have weddings days or weeks after their civil ceremony. One is to fulfill the law, the other to honor God. I find nothing wrong with this practice, but it is a foreign idea to most North Americans because we are used to once and for all. My husband who is from El Salvador and I will be doing this as well. We have already had our courthouse union and now we are planning our church wedding. I came here looking for advice on invitations and instead I find judgmental people. How sad.
    Report Reply
  • shannifloshanniflo member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I am doing the same thing. Its a matter of choice. Let me make all of you judgmental nay-sayers laugh. I am having a wedding, bridal shower and bachlorette weekend with my friends. I am so excited and can't wait to celebrate our big day. My friends and family are excited as well. I just ordered my invites and they read:

    We invite you to join us as we celebrate the marriage of... (and the details followed).

    I did not call it a vow renewal. For me that was not even an option. I am registered for gifts. I plan to get plenty. And to be quite honest I could care less what anyone thinks about that.

    I just wanted to serve as a positive response for the growing number of people that do this and IT IS OKAY. Its your choice.

    Our world is eveloing and some things will evolve with it. This is one of them. Honestly would you nay-sayers rather people get married and have a wedding later or not get married at all? And in the really big grand scheme of things how does this really effect you? If a faceless person that you don't know calls an event that you aren't paying for a wedding does this take food off of your kids' dinner table? I don't think so. It costs nothing to be nice and to move on.

    And BTW, please tell your husband I said THANK YOU for protecting our country because while someone is attacking you on a bridal message board he is keeping us safe!

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  • nnagbaronnagbaro member
    First Comment
    It is really sad how many regulators of proper wedding etiquette there are out there. Its these same regulators that seem to be the rudest most judgmental beings on earth. What kind of etiquette is that? To criticize someone on how they choose to celebrate a union to another soul? My husband and I have been married for just a little over a month and we are now planning a full scale wedding. I'm even thinking of way to re-exchange rings because we didnt do it at the civil wedding...and yes ALL of my friends and family know that we are happily married. My parents, his parents, cousins, family friends!!! And they cant wait to celebrate with us! This is your day. Your money. Your moment. Your life. Do not let the opinion of snotty strangers discourage you. I refuse being denied a full scale wedding because we chose to do to things our way. Its almost as the etiquette hand this "not a wedding" decree out as if it is punishment. We married for religious and economical reasons. I could have easily moved in with my then fiance to save money for the wedding that WE are paying for. But our religious background and conviction would not allow it. So I will not allow anyone to come in the way of or throw salt on the way we choose to live life and celebrate it. You shouldnt allow it either.
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  • voleskyapelovoleskyapelo member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_wording-couple-already-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:a29949f0-bca5-45f5-93be-418c4a052c4aPost:5a6f6165-a94d-40f7-b84e-3089fa2a2569">Re: Wording for a couple that is already married?</a>:
    [QUOTE]uh, if *you* consider this as your real wedding just do a normal invitation. I am.
    Posted by sharpe88[/QUOTE]

    <div>Excellent answer. It is a CELEBRATION. A wedding is the public anouncement of something which has already occurred in the hearts of the couple. It is whatever it means to YOU. Many, many couples are doing this these days, partially due to financial constraints as consequence of the economy, and partly due to the fact that forward thinking has caused many to break free from the constraint of believing that a white dress and flowers means marriage, when in fact, marriage is a state of heart, and not really any of the church's or government's business until you choose to make it so.</div>
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  • voleskyapelovoleskyapelo member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited April 2013
    We got married by the courts (actually, didn't even have to exchange vows, merely file an "informal marriage" and ta-da, married by the state.) He is leaving to the military and you better believe we tied the knot first. :) So happy we did it this way...we were able to simply, quietly and gracefully begin our lives together and enjoy time as newly weds before he ships out. Of course, we still are looking forward to having a wedding and inviting all of our loved ones upon his return home. Our family and friends are happy for us, in fact our parents are very glad that we chose to be married as opposed to living together unmarried until we were able to have a wedding, simply due to personal beliefs. So there is zero shame on our parts, we are pleased with how we chose to handle this very personal and meaningful part of our lives, and you should be as well. The good Lord is not impressed with fancy to-do, but with honest, loving hearts who are open to Him. As far as how your marriage and wedding goes, it is no one's decision but yours. :) You can do everything a certain way to please critical accusers, but it will mean nothing if your marriage does not last. It is a state of heart, not a piece of paper, not a date, not a twist in etiquette. Ignore those are so ignorant that they must share their hurtful, counter-productive opinions. How is their marriage, anyway? How is their relationship? Is it equally as "perfect" as their wedding? Let your heart be at rest with your decision. It is yours and yours alone. Just wanted to say all that. Now to the wording of an invitation... here is a layout I personally like, based on some great ideas I've found through browsing the internet:

    Jane Smith (or Jane Doe)
    and
    John Doe
    Invite you to join them in
    a celebration of love, friendship, laughter, and family 
    as 
    they exchange marriage vows 
    on this date 
    at this time

    This location

    Reception Dinner to follow
    (or Champagne and dessert reception to follow)

    Please R.S.V.P. to Contact by Time

    The couple's wedding website is : www.website.com
    (This will allow others to take a peak at your story and your happiness and become excited for you and your wedding. I love the website tool.) 

    Best wishes!
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  • voleskyapelovoleskyapelo member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_wording-couple-already-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:a29949f0-bca5-45f5-93be-418c4a052c4aPost:3dd6fe43-a0ca-4d26-bfe9-0f45154deed1">Re: Wording for a couple that is already married?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wording for a couple that is already married? : Your "real wedding" is the day that you LEGALLY become man and wife.  That is the definition of a wedding, whether you like it, or not.
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    <div>Well, you know, if that were the case, then lots of people are seriously in trouble...cause lots of people choose, or else have to, get a license before their actual ceremony and reception. So, I guess if sensitivity is so high, we must refer to this not as our real wedding, but real ceremony and reception...which is, after all, the subject of the invitation...hence, the now uselessness of semantics. It is whatever the bride wants it to be...like it or not.</div>
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  • voleskyapelovoleskyapelo member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_wording-couple-already-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:a29949f0-bca5-45f5-93be-418c4a052c4aPost:b05b2f26-235a-44b7-a4d9-3216fa5facb1">Re: Wording for a couple that is already married?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wording for a couple that is already married? : And who's being rude? Seriously, what do you care!? How is having a ceremony for our family and friends at a later date treating them inappropriately? That's a tad dramatic. And to say that I'm reaping the benefits while my husband is deployed (i.e. "more money"), I chose not to have my husband send me money while he is away. I work hard, I don't need him to support me, thank you! So rude, seriously. 
    Posted by NicoleRachelle[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>DITTO DITTO DITTO

    </div>
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  • MissesKuchMissesKuch member
    First Comment
    I'm sure your already married by now, but me and my husband did he same thing! Our sve the dates say "on December 26th we quietly tied the know, but were doing it a little louder this time @our favorite spot!" Then date, invite to follow! Marriage is about TWO people and commitment, not a show for others or their opinions!! Congrats and good luck
    Report Reply
  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If you really felt eh need to share, please make a new thread instead of talking to people who are no longer here @misseskuch

    @Knotporscha Zombie Thread.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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