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Engagement issues
Just Engaged and Proposals
Engagement issues
Are you newly engaged? Chat with new brides and post your proposal story here.
How do I begin what seems even to me to be so surreal? Well, I've been engaged to my first love for about four months now. I wanted to wait to be out of school to start making preparations so nothing
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Just Engaged and Proposals
Engagement issues
Are you newly engaged? Chat with new brides and post your proposal story here.
How do I begin what seems even to me to be so surreal? Well, I've been engaged to my first love for about four months now. I wanted to wait to be out of school to start making preparations so nothing
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Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683
Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:56adff95-bcb7-41d0-938c-f00b9f3f1e28
Forums  >  Wedding Boards  >  Just Engaged and Proposals  >  Engagement issues
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Engagement issues

posted at 1/29/2012 10:11 PM EST on theknot.com
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Last: 1/29/2012


 How do I begin what seems even to me to be so surreal? Well, I've been engaged to my first love for about four months now. I wanted to wait to be out of school to start making preparations so nothing concrete has been set. However, I am starting to feel like I should not be in such a serious relationship. I always feel stressed, depressed, or anxious, and unfortunately I do not feel like I can handle myself and my partner at the moment. I truly love him, but often feel trapped and so very unsure of my future. He wants and rightly expects so much commitment from me, but with my own life being hectic and already having commitment issues, I just don't feel right. I feel like I need a break, but I know that I cannot go back to being engaged at such a young age. I am simply not ready. I have spoked to my partner about my worries but it either ends up in an argument or us dismissing the subject. I want more freedom but to imagine a life without this man I am so in love with just seems unbearable. We have been in different cities for the past month but he will be in the same city as me in a matter of days .

I guess I just want to know if I should break it completely off now or try to work it out. Ihope someone here could shed some light on the situation, it would be much appreciated!
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Re: Engagement issues

posted at 1/29/2012 10:40 PM EST on theknot.com
Joined on
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Last: 4/18/2012


 If you're not ready, you need to talk to your fiance.  You can break off the relationship, or just call off the engagement until you're ready.  You need to do what's best for YOU, not just what your partner wants.  It's not fair to your partner to not be 100% into the relationship, and he should respect and understand that.
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Re: Engagement issues

posted at 1/29/2012 11:07 PM EST on theknot.com
Joined on
01-04-2011
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Posts: 7563
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Last: 5/25/2012


 In Response to Engagement issues:
How do I begin what seems even to me to be so surreal? Well, I've been engaged to my first love for about four months now. I wanted to wait to be out of school to start making preparations so nothing concrete has been set. However, I am starting to feel like I should not be in such a serious relationship. I always feel stressed, depressed, or anxious, and unfortunately I do not feel like I can handle myself and my partner at the moment. I truly love him, but often feel trapped and so very unsure of my future. He wants and rightly expects so much commitment from me, but with my own life being hectic and already having commitment issues, I just don't feel right. I feel like I need a break, but I know that I cannot go back to being engaged at such a young age. I am simply not ready. I have spoked to my partner about my worries but it either ends up in an argument or us dismissing the subject. I want more freedom but to imagine a life without this man I am so in love with just seems unbearable. We have been in different cities for the past month but he will be in the same city as me in a matter of days . I guess I just want to know if I should break it completely off now or try to work it out. Ihope someone here could shed some light on the situation, it would be much appreciated!
Posted by princessgummy

No one should make you feel bad for wanting out of a relationship. Count how many times you've basically said you want out in this post.

If you feel that you can't convey your wish to take a break from or end the relationship then get another person in the room when you do so. 
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Re: Engagement issues

posted at 1/30/2012 1:18 AM EST on theknot.com
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Last: 5/25/2012


 In Response to Re: Engagement issues:
If you're not ready, you need to talk to your fiance.  You can break off the relationship, or just call off the engagement until you're ready.  You need to do what's best for YOU, not just what your partner wants.  It's not fair to your partner to not be 100% into the relationship, and he should respect and understand that.
Posted by yaga13


This is excellent advice.
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Re: Engagement issues

posted at 1/30/2012 10:23 AM EST on theknot.com
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Last: 5/19/2012


 If you don't want the engagement however, want to continue to grow with him, you should let him know soon. maybe before moving to your town. But I think you were open and honest and he will appriciate that you told him. You can countiune the relatiohship with out contiuing the engagement.
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Re: Engagement issues

posted at 1/30/2012 11:07 AM EST on theknot.com
Joined on
01-03-2012
HOUSTON
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Posts: 536
First: 1/19/2012

Last: 5/17/2012


 I agree with PPs. What do you mean "[you] know [you] cannot go back to being engaged at such a young age"?
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Re: Engagement issues

posted at 1/30/2012 11:38 AM EST on theknot.com
Joined on
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Last: 5/21/2012


 Just because you are engaged doesn't mean you necessarily have to start taking additional steps towards marriage on any particular time frame.  Would you feel better about having a long engagement and not proceeding with any wedding plans for a while, if he was OK with that too?
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Re: Engagement issues

posted at 1/30/2012 5:19 PM EST on theknot.com
Joined on
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First: 6/24/2010

Last: 5/23/2012


 Out of curiosity, how old are you?  Regardless, you should NOT get married if you aren't 110% sure it's what you want.  If your FI can't talk about your concerns without it turning into an arguement or shutting you down, then I think you already know your answer....
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Re: Engagement issues

posted at 2/1/2012 1:06 PM EST on theknot.com
Joined on
12-16-2011
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Posts: 34
First: 12/19/2011

Last: 4/27/2012


 "If your FI can't talk about your concerns without it turning into an arguement or shutting you down, then I think you already know your answer...."


This... it's not always easy to do it, but if you can't be open with each other about everything- even and especially the hard stuff- then that is a big sign and something you need to talk with each other about.   
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Re: Engagement issues

posted at 2/2/2012 7:11 PM EST on theknot.com
Joined on
08-15-2011
VIRGINIA
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Posts: 660
First: 11/1/2011

Last: 5/19/2012


 As PPs have mentined you don't have to get married right away!  Are you stressed out because you are engaged now and everyone is asking when the wedding is or are you stressed out because you aren't sure if this is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life?

If it is because of the wedding stuff, my FI and zI have been engaged since January of last year and only in September did we really start the wedding planning!!

It is is the latter of the two then you need to seriously think about your FI and your relationship, maybe going to talk to someone will help!
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