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Is it worth it? (Sorry for the length!)
Just Engaged and Proposals
Is it worth it? (Sorry for the length!)
Are you newly engaged? Chat with new brides and post your proposal story here.
My bf and I aren't engaged yet, but we've had that conversation and are just waiting until we can be financially independent from our parents. Because I love weddings and like to be prepared, we've s
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Just Engaged and Proposals
Is it worth it? (Sorry for the length!)
Are you newly engaged? Chat with new brides and post your proposal story here.
My bf and I aren't engaged yet, but we've had that conversation and are just waiting until we can be financially independent from our parents. Because I love weddings and like to be prepared, we've s
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Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683
Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:c4783b2a-173a-438a-84da-6b758e5e0ef2
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Is it worth it? (Sorry for the length!)
posted at 2/8/2012 9:49 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
02-26-2009
NORTH CAROLINA 8050712778660613
Posts: 5
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Last: 2/9/2012
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My bf and I aren't engaged yet, but we've had that conversation and are just waiting until we can be financially independent from our parents. Because I love weddings and like to be prepared, we've started discussing and looking at potential wedding options and costs.
The problem is that my bf is pro-elopement. I would be all for that, but it's very important to me that I have my family, including some key non-immediate family members there. I want my dad to give me away. I want to pick out my dress with my mom and sister.
I suggested we have a very small, intimate wedding, keeping the budget under $5,000. I'm very money-conscious and the idea of spending a ton of money on one day freaks me out.
However, my bf has a "go big or go home" mentality on it and thinks that if we have a wedding, it should be exactly what we want. That will cost $20000-$30000, though, the cost of the "average" American wedding.
I've agreed to this since I'm the one who wants a wedding in the first place, but I'm still iffy on the cost. Is it insane? Am I being unreasonable by not wanting to elope? We've been together almost 6 years and the expensive wedding plan would make it so we couldn't get married for at least 3 more years. So what do you think - should I elope or have the big white wedding? The vision we have is princess-worthy, but the cost makes me shudder. |
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Re: Is it worth it? (Sorry for the length!)
posted at 2/8/2012 10:07 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
08-14-2010
PITTSBURGH 7873174069018669
Posts: 18405
First: 8/16/2010
Last: 5/25/2012
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In Response to Is it worth it? (Sorry for the length!):
My bf and I aren't engaged yet, but we've had that conversation and are just waiting until we can be financially independent from our parents. Because I love weddings and like to be prepared, we've started discussing and looking at potential wedding options and costs. The problem is that my bf is pro-elopement. I would be all for that, but it's very important to me that I have my family, including some key non-immediate family members there. I want my dad to give me away. I want to pick out my dress with my mom and sister. I suggested we have a very small, intimate wedding, keeping the budget under $5,000. I'm very money-conscious and the idea of spending a ton of money on one day freaks me out. However, my bf has a "go big or go home" mentality on it and thinks that if we have a wedding, it should be exactly what we want. That will cost $20000-$30000, though, the cost of the "average" American wedding. I've agreed to this since I'm the one who wants a wedding in the first place, but I'm still iffy on the cost. Is it insane? Am I being unreasonable by not wanting to elope? We've been together almost 6 years and the expensive wedding plan would make it so we couldn't get married for at least 3 more years. So what do you think - should I elope or have the big white wedding? The vision we have is princess-worthy, but the cost makes me shudder.
Posted by sjb1024
I really don't think you need to spend this much to meet both your expectations. I think you both need to talk about this more.
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Re: Is it worth it? (Sorry for the length!)
posted at 2/8/2012 10:13 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
08-15-2011
VIRGINIA 9804490489234338
Posts: 660
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Last: 5/19/2012
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I think you two should sit down and comprimise. You can always have a long engagement to save up for the wedding. I don't think it has to be as expensive as your OP had mentioned but maybe 10,000 would make it work for both of you. First you have to figure out about how many people you are going to have at your reception. Certain days like Friday and Sunday are less expensive and maybe if you pick an off peak month as well.
I think you should spend an amount that you are both comfortable with that way neither of you can be upset with the other person once the day is over that this and that were such a waste of money. If you both agree on it than you both take the fall if everyone forgets the favors or something silly. In the end the most important part of the day is that you actually end up married!
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"A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime"
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Re: Is it worth it? (Sorry for the length!)
posted at 2/8/2012 10:52 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
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OUTER BOROUGHS 6828455639884687
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I think you should wait until you're engaged to start seriously talking about wedding plans.
Things change when you get engaged - your families may want to contribute or you may find out that your SO's extended family is 3 times larger than you expected. (Both things happened to me.) I said, we can get married for $10,000, EASY. It turns out, we can't with what we want out of a wedding and how many people we need to invite. (I say need because of family traditions on FI's side and the large families we both have. Not everyone would do things the way we are choosing to.)
The fact that you aren't even financially independent makes it a little ridiculous that you're talking about spending 20 to 30K on a wedding. There are ways to throw a wedding in every budget. However, you need to have a way to save money first. (The best advice I've heard is take the amount of money you can save in a month, multiply by the number of months you will be engaged, and add 10%. That's your wedding budget.) There's nothing wrong with starting to save money right now, but really, don't try to plan a wedding before you're engaged or have a strict budget set up.
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Re: Is it worth it? (Sorry for the length!)
posted at 2/8/2012 11:04 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
01-03-2012
HOUSTON 4791612101457601
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Last: 5/17/2012
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I agree, wait until you are actually engaged to figure things out. When this happens, come up with a compromise. You're not crazy to not want to spend that much money. There isn't a reason why it absolutely has to cost that much. There are plenty of ways to have a beautiful wedding on a budget.
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Re: Is it worth it? (Sorry for the length!)
posted at 2/8/2012 11:12 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
02-26-2009
NORTH CAROLINA 8050712778660613
Posts: 5
First: 1/17/2010
Last: 2/9/2012
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Thanks, everyone. You're definitely right. I'm overthinking this and getting way ahead of myself. I have a tendency to overplan and overanalyze, so sometimes I need to get outside opinions to gain perspective and get myself in check.
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Re: Is it worth it? (Sorry for the length!)
posted at 2/9/2012 10:48 AM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
07-06-2010
NEW JERSEY 8667140365315198
Posts: 2935
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Last: 5/24/2012
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In Response to Re: Is it worth it? (Sorry for the length!):
Thanks, everyone. You're definitely right. I'm overthinking this and getting way ahead of myself. I have a tendency to overplan and overanalyze, so sometimes I need to get outside opinions to gain perspective and get myself in check.
Posted by sjb1024
That is totally me. I do the same. The one things I'd suggest is to talk to your FI and see if he is comfortable looking at places and finding out prices now, even though you're not engaged. If he's not, then forget it. If he is, then perhaps knowing what local repception halls & vendors charge could help you get a better idea of what things really cost and how you can both make it happen.
This is what we did. We visited a few places and contacted a few vendors. When we saw how much things cost, we knew we needed to wait a little longer to save our money. Now, though very good budgeting and bargain hunting, we can have the wedding we want with a budget we can afford.
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Re: Is it worth it? (Sorry for the length!)
posted at 2/9/2012 11:40 AM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
10-15-2011
OMAHA 5372542718816738
Posts: 106
First: 11/14/2011
Last: 5/23/2012
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We are doing our wedding for less than $5,000. Granted we live in a small rural community but its all about communication and stratigy. We cut our guest list down to 160. Agreed not to spend more than $7 a plate on food. But the BIGGEST help is EBAY, yep you read it right, EBAY, most companies have an ebay page where you can get your things at a great price with personalization. I mean any and everything,
Cake topper $45-Ebay
Wedding shoes $16-ebay
pedals for flower girl $20-ebay
unity candle with personalization $35-ebay
brides made jewlery $10/set-ebay faux pearl
Garter $10-ebay
72, 10hr votve candles in what ever color you want $24-ebay
Ring Bearers pillow $20-ebay
**with all things that you buy on-line be careful and make sure to read all the fine print. but the reality is is that no one will no you use ebay or anyother place until you let the cat out of the bag.
also there is a web site
www.orientaltrading.com
they have great wedding favors for awesome prices!!!
I wish you luck! In the big scheme of things its only 1 day out of many many you and your spouse will spend together so why not save some money for more important things in your lives
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Junebride12
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Re: Is it worth it? (Sorry for the length!)
posted at 2/9/2012 6:34 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
02-26-2009
NORTH CAROLINA 8050712778660613
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Last: 2/9/2012
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Great tips! Thanks. We've researched the local vendors pretty extensively considering how far away our actual wedding is. I'm kind of pulling a Monica Gellar in that area. Part of the budget debate comes from the fact that I showed him one place because it was cool, not because I thought we could afford it, and he fell in love with it. Still, their packages are pretty flexible so we can probably work out a compromise and still use his dream venue.
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Re: Is it worth it? (Sorry for the length!)
posted at 2/10/2012 11:36 AM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
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NEW JERSEY 8667140365315198
Posts: 2935
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Last: 5/24/2012
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In Response to Re: Is it worth it? (Sorry for the length!):
Great tips! Thanks. We've researched the local vendors pretty extensively considering how far away our actual wedding is. I'm kind of pulling a Monica Gellar in that area. Part of the budget debate comes from the fact that I showed him one place because it was cool, not because I thought we could afford it, and he fell in love with it. Still, their packages are pretty flexible so we can probably work out a compromise and still use his dream venue.
Posted by sjb1024
Be very careful with looking at places/vendors that you can't afford in the future. That is dangerous territory. Almost every single episode of Say Yes to the Dress shows a girl falling in love with a dress she can't afford. Believe me, it really sucks to meet a vendor that does fabulous work, but you can't afford. It's not worth the heartache.
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Re: Is it worth it? (Sorry for the length!)
posted at 2/12/2012 9:23 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
05-02-2002
NEW JERSEY 264941312505623
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Last: 5/24/2012
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It's great that you are starting to think about this. I just got married in September and had the big white wedding, and don't regret It for a minute. My mom helped and we saved and scrounged for over a year, and have a bit more to pay off.
However, we have just begun to shop for a house and the toughest part is not having a big down payment. We know we have to wait and save. So... When figuring your budget be sure to think beyond your wedding too. You may decide a house (or other things) are more important. Had we done that, we may have spent the money differently.
For now just enjoy the exciting stuff that is about to happen! Good luck!
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